Monday, June 22, 2015

The Soundtrack of My Life, All The Things You Don't Say (and BoTB Results!)

I just tallied up the results for Battle of the Bands. I knew the vote was going back and forth, but I was SHOCKED when I saw how close this one turned out. For someone who puts these things together, a close vote is the absolute best result possible. It couldn't get any closer in this battle. The song was I'm In. The contenders were Radney Foster vs. The Kinleys. Honestly, I really like both versions. I could/would put them both on my IPod shuffle. BUT, I have to pick one because my vote actually counts in this match-up.

So, how did it turn out?

I lean slightly more toward the Radney Foster version. I think it might have to do with the fact that I've adored the guy for a really long time. I love Abra Moore's voice with his on this song. I just love it.

So here is the final tally, including my vote for Radney Foster:

Radney Foster: 15
The Kinleys : 15

Yep, we got ourselves a tie. I think this has happened once before on this blog, but I could be wrong about that! If you voted, thanks! Come back again on the 1st and we'll do it again with a different song, different singers!!!



In my last post I told you how J1 and were never an "item," but we talked all the time. Well, J2 and I didn't talk enough. I'm not sure exactly what happens in the brain when you decide you're dating, but it's like a trigger is pulled. I didn't want to be the insecure girlfriend, though I was totally the insecure girlfriend. I didn't want to tell him all the crazy things I was thinking. I guess I'd seen that work out not so well with Erika. Heck, even in hindsight I'm not real clear on what happened with this relationship.

But, let me try and pull it into some sort of focus. I suspect J2 was feeling really stressed. He was working, going to school part-time, and trying to date me (which, really, is a full-time job all by itself;). But, seriously, I think maybe he was embarrassed that his life was so hard, and he didn't want to unload his problems on me. What he didn't understand was that it would have made things so much easier if he'd just been honest with me about all the stress in his life.

Instead, I agonized over not hearing from him a week at a time. One of the girls across the hall posted an index card under my phone that read:

A watched teakettle (phone) never boils (rings).

She was so right. I'd spend hours not leaving my room hoping he'd call (he didn't) and then getting mad that he didn't call and that I didn't leave my room. Crazy thinking, I know. I even knew it at the time. But, I didn't want to call him. I wanted him to call me.

I think he was really much more mature about this whole thing and felt like we were good, we were okay, even if we only saw each other on weekends. He didn't feel the need to talk more often than that to feel like he was on solid ground. Little did he know who he was dealing with... or maybe he needed to tell me that's how he felt so I could feel steady, too. Truth was I felt anything but steady. It always felt like I was hours away from getting the Break Up phone call.

So, even though I had a boyfriend I really liked, I never felt confident. Or sure of where I was standing. I think if you'd asked him (before we hit that final straw) what he was thinking, it would've been this song. I have to say Life sure would've been easier if I'd known it was this song. He was always on my mind, too. And I would've done things very differently had I known I was on his...





Have you ever had a relationship fall apart with someone you really cared about because you didn't say all the things you should've said? You didn't tell them how you felt? They didn't know they were always on your mind?


If you're enjoying these posts, feel free to share your own Soundtrack. This isn't a hop. No requirements at all, but a suggestion to do it one song at a time. (If you participated in the hop several years ago, you can still do this. Just post them one song at a time, with the freedom to add more songs if you'd like.) I'll link to all participants at the bottom of each of these posts:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN

45 comments:

  1. Good morning, dear Robin!

    WAY - TO - GO! It must feel great to have pulled off a BOTB tie. I am very happy for you. It also pleases me that your ears matched mine this time around and that you appreciated the combined voices of Radney Foster and Abra Moore.

    Thank you for another insightful chapter of your life story. In answering the questions at the end of the post, I would have to say no. It has never been my style to hold back and play my cards close to the vest. I am very demonstrative. I never considered dating as strictly a recreational activity reserved for weekends. If I was still seeing someone after two or three dates it was because we were both serious about establishing at least a semi-permanent relationship. Lukewarm doesn't cut it for me. I want to build a fire, a towering inferno if possible. I want someone who can't wait to see me again and calls me on the phone immediately after our date ends to talk to me an extra hour. That's not being clingy, needy or desperate. It's flattering and I always appreciated it. I was fortunate to have a few women in my life that connected with me that way and now I suppose I'm spoiled. :)

    Have a wonderful week ahead, dear friend Robin!

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    1. A close race is the best sort of battle. It means that I chose two competitive versions of a song. Win!

      I tend (now) to communicate much better than I did back then. I was just so new at a "relationship," and no idea what I was doing. I had (an unrealistic) expectation that J2 knew what he was doing. In hindsight, I don't think either of us had a clue!

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  2. I've seen relationships fall apart because people lied to each other or hid things. You were so young during that time, it's not unusual to feel insecure in a relationship.

    Susan Says

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  3. Goodness yes I've had a relationship fall apart because of communication ( lack thereof). I wish I had half of the confidence I have today when I was in college. I had no problem telling Todd ( my husband) what I needed in a relationship before we got married. Younger Holli lost numerous nights staring at a phone hoping it would ring. I've had a few really close guy friends who told it to me straight when I told them about a guy I liked. They said if a guy really really truly liked a girl, they wouldn't be happy themselves just talking to the girl once a week. They would want to talk to them everyday - every minute that was possible. My ex was Ok only seeing me once a week and we lived close by. I got used to that so when I started dating Todd and suggested also seeing him once during the week and not just weekends- he flipped out ( in a good way). He said well if timing works out, I would rather see you everyday I can. Rest is history.....
    And BTW, you may already know this but Willie is one of my most alltime favorite singers ever!!! I post him all the time and see his concerts when I can.

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    1. Confidence. I think we tend to bring people into our lives who live at or near the same place as ourselves. So, the more confident and healthy we are, the better. We attract more confident, healthy people. So, if you're insecure (like we were) than we tend to bring unhealthy people into our lives. It explains a lot, doesn't it???

      I'm glad you got healthy and attracted Todd into your life. He sounds like a good guy!

      Delete
  4. A tie...shades of a great BATTLE! After all it was a great song and you did chose two very good versions. Of course, I had my personal preference, but they still were both very good and the voting proved that.

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  5. A tie! That's what you call a great battle. ☺ Congrats, Robin!
    As for your story, yes, this has happened to me in the past. Lack of communication is death to a relationship and only serves to fuel one's insecurities, as you've illustrated. Sorry it didn't work out with you and J2.

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    1. Yeah, I think we can safely chalk the death of this relationship up to an Inability to Communicate.

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  6. Great battle! I remember thinking that The Kinleys would probably take it. I voted for Radney, and didn't think he had many votes on the first day. Way to go, Robin!

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    1. It was a pretty close one most of the way.

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  7. Proof that communication really is the key, isn't it?

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  8. I hate when "someone else" puts my whole life on hold. Sure am glad those days are past.

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    1. I think that this lesson should serve as an illustration to myself (and anyone who cares to embrace it) that putting your life on hold for someone else... not a good idea.

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  9. GIRL WONDER ~
    Congratulations on the tie. How you like it?

    As you know, I don't like 'em, myself, and I think I've had 5 of them. They ARE a sign of a really good Battle put together, but after going to all the trouble, I want to see a winner emerge. I guess, from my perspective, the BEST BATTLE would be one that was won by a single vote (and preferably MY vote - Ha!)

    I love this Willie Nelson song. It's always been one of my very, very favorites that he recorded. And, by some odd coincidence, this song makes me think of a certain someone, too. This was back in the early '80s - my League Of Soul Crusaders era - and I used to go to this Mexican restaurant frequently. Willie Nelson's 'ALWAYS ON MY MIND' was on the jukebox and I'd always play it a couple times while thinking of a relationship that I blew because I was too distant.

    Ah, well, we live and learn (hopefully), right?
    It's just a huge round school that we call "Earth", and sometimes the lessons ain't easy.

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

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    1. <<<----Congratulations on the tie. How you like it?

      Well, I like it okay. I felt torn between the two versions, so I think a tie accurately reflects my inner conflict, as well as the decision-making on the part of the voters.

      I remember when I used this song in a BoTB you sharing your history with this song. (Or some of it anyway.) I think a whole bunch of people can relate to this song (hence its popularity) because most of us can think of at least ONE person with whom we messed it all up simply by not sharing what we were thinking/feeling. Sometimes because we think the other person knows (when they don't) and sometimes because we're just scared.

      Yep, a whole lot of songs/stories in this Soundtrack of mine are life lessons learned (or repeated over and over and over) on this huge round school. I like to think that I finally see some of the patterns, and in the seeing don't need to repeat the experience anymore. I mean how many times does a person need to live a variation of the same experience before they get it? Don't answer that. In my case, too many times!

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  10. A tie! Awesome! It was a tough decision for me. I liked them both.

    Relationships will break you - or school you. But never both.

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    1. I love that quote, Cherdo. That is freakin' awesome. I might have to use it and give you credit.

      Relationships will break you or school you. But never both.

      Freakin' awesome.

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  11. Wow, a tie. No sudden death match then, eh? Radney and the Kinleys in a steel cage, winner takes all?

    A lot of my relationships crumbled because of a lack of communication. I tend to shut myself off and bottle it all up when things go south. These women were all wrong for me anyway, and having the right person certainly helps - I feel like I can tell the wife anything without her unjustly jumping down my throat.

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    1. I don't know if you were following this blog when someone offered up another version of a song I used that I really like (but never heard before the existing battle), so I used that version versus the winner of the previous battle. The only time I've run the same song back to back in a BoTB. So, no Sudden Death Match.

      I think that a whole bunch of things need to be right for a relationship to work. First and foremost, both people have to be mature. So, it's entirely possible when you're young to meet a GREAT person and ruin it out of lack of maturity. It doesn't mean the person wasn't right, but that one or both of you weren't READY. And then there's the other case in which it simply was never gonna be right and no amount of communicating would make it right. You'll get to read about that scenario later. Why? Because I've pretty well screwed up a relationship in every possible way.

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  12. That is great that it turned out to be a tie. I love this song. Communication is key and I have found out....much, much later that if I am so in angst over a guy calling or not calling plus feeling the same dread if I call and how he might take it, then that guy isn't for me. It took me decades to figure that one out. When I met my present hubby, we just talked and clicked. He made me feel at ease right away and never apprehensive in calling. That is what made it so nice. I felt I could be me and just talk

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    1. Yep. Decades. I'm with you there. Can't say I've been a quick learner in the relationship department.

      Glad you met the Hubs.

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  13. Ties were made to be broken! Ha! Oh relationships. The never ending cycle of happiness and pain.

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    1. I like to think that cycle has an end and I'm gaining on it!

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  14. Wow! A tie! That's crazy! Mine wasn't a tie, but my choice didn't win :)
    Sometimes I feel like my current relationship might go down that way. I really need to express myself more :/

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    1. I'm just sure you can "over communicate" with a loved one.

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  15. A tie! I wish I would have made it in time to vote. :)
    My experiences with relationships is not vast, I married young. But I do know they can fall apart even if they're not new.When kids are involved then it's doubly heartbreaking.

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    1. If you enter into marriage, it's a lifetime project in which parties really need to give 110% for it to work.

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  16. All my previous relationships before the one with my husband were with guys who treated me like crap. So it was a good thing they all fell apart eventually. I'd have to say that communication was never the problem. They were jerks, and I was so insecure I let them be jerks to me. I can honestly say I was lucky those relationships ended.

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    1. I'm glad something changed with how you saw yourself so that you were open for your husband to come into your life. We keep getting the jerks until we decide that we deserve more. You decided you deserved better, and you got it!

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  17. Wow a tie. Glad I cast my vote or the Kinley's would have lost for sure. A tie is better than a loss any day.

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  18. I can relate to staring at the phone and awaiting a phonecall...for hours. Grrr! On the other hand, I think you're being too hard on yourself. It's a two-way street. If he was really thinking about you all the time, why not pick up the phone and call you once in a while - besides on Friday to make weekend plans? A daily phone-call isn't too much to ask for, especially with someone you love. Right?

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    1. I think the truth was that we were both immature. In different ways maybe, but immature nonetheless. I'm not taking on 100% of the blame for this not working out, but I'm accepting my share. He should've called more. I should've felt more confident and called him OR just been willing to go out and have fun without him. The worst case scenario was staring at a phone and it not ringing... and then being mad at him for not calling. That's just dumb.

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  19. Great battle!

    Yes, I've had those feelings and had relationships fall apart like that.

    One of Willie's best recordings.

    Lee
    Wrote By Rote

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    1. It's one of my favorite Willie songs, too.

      And, yes, I think we've all been through this at least once.

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  20. Sorry I've been oh so absent friends. These last few days have been Migraine City here in Robin Land. Or the Land of Robin. Whatever. I'm so glad I wrote these all ahead of time and scheduled them to post, but I'm sorry I've been so lax in visiting all of you. I'm going to comment to all of you on this post and the one that went up today.... and then try to visit. I'm still dealing with a migraine, but it's better since I caved and took pain pills (something I really didn't want to do, but I reached the end of my rope!).

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  21. I read this the other day and meant to get back to comment, so here I am!

    Have you ever had a relationship fall apart with someone you really cared about because you didn't say all the things you should've said?

    Yup. There was someone I had a feeling about the moment I met her, and that feeling grew as I got to know her, but I took forever to ask her out. When I did, she was seeing someone else and I was traveling a lot, so I was basically a second option, which I did not like, so I opted out.

    But I always wondered, "what if?"

    Shortly after moving to AZ, she'd sent me a letter congratulating me on the move, I sent her a postcard, and looked her up on my next visit East. I mentioned she was always welcome to visit, and the next year she took me up on it.

    During that trip I said all the things I needed, and we tried the long-distance thing over the course of the next few years.

    Sadly, things ended in a similar way. I think she cared for me a lot, maybe even loved me, but not the way I loved her, evidenced by her starting to date the man she ultimately married while we were still together (but obviously drifting). She was engaged less than a year later.

    That's why the Rundgren song "Parallel Lines")is my favorite-I heard it for the first time the day I met her, and sadly, the lyrics pegged the relationship (some things never come together, parallel lines running on forever).

    I have nothing but nice memories of her (have not spoken in 16 years) and wish her nothing but the best, but a funny thing happened.

    When we reconnected, I thought it was proof that we were meant to be.

    The day I told her I needed to break off ties so I could move on, I realized fate had brought us together so I could close the book on that chapter.

    I've said often that I stink at relationships, and communication is the biggest reason. But sometimes you can say it all, and do everything, and you know what?

    Life does not work out like a John Hughes' movie.

    My only regret-I wish I'd had the maturity to end things without severing all ties, because she really was a great friend as well. Sadly, I was just not in a place where I could do it at the time, and I have no idea how to get in touch with her now or I'd apologize for that.

    The bad news is, I sold a lot of CD's to fund the travel costs for that relationship. The goods news is, I think I bought them all back and then some (well, that's good news for the music industry).

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    1. Wasn't it you told me in the comments on the last post that men and women can't be friends?

      I think you can stop regretting your choice. Chances are really good that the friendship wouldn't have lasted. Her fiance/husband would've been uncomfortable with her remaining "besties" with you (even if you lived half a country away), so that friendship would've died a slow death or she'd have pulled the trigger on it.

      What I'm trying to say is that I think you did the right thing. The hard thing.

      Now, could you become friends on a medium like Facebook now? Probably. It's a means of having limited superficial contact. It allows you peeks into someone's life without being overly invasive. You could complement her on her kids by "liking" their pics, etc. It's also a way to say, "You and I are good" even if you're never really close again.

      The record industry really should buy you a car given all that you've done for them.

      Delete
    2. I don't regret the choice-to go on with the relationship was literally killing me (a couple wierd health things that were stress-related, and that was the source)-but I miss having any contact, although I agree on with your thoughts on her husband's view, and in fact said that to more than one person who thought I was being childish by not staying friends.

      She reached out to me once (a letter) after they married and said he knows all about her friend in AZ and is ok with that.

      My first thought was :he can't know all about it or he wouldn't be ok with this letter."

      It's moot-I did what I had to do at the time, and have tried finding her on Facebook (no luck), although she was not one for computers in the late 90's so either may not be on it, or has a name so common-Smith-that there were just too many to sift through.

      We'd worked for the same company, and the few times I got sent back to the corporate office, I really hoped I'd run into her just to say "we're good" and apologize for any hurt I might have caused-I wasn't mean but boy was I abrupt.

      But I could not go on the way things were.

      I do stand by that last comment-my experience is in a man/woman friendship (where both are single), one usually wants more.

      I won't say that men and women can never be friends (I have quite a few women friends and I don't think they want more), but once you cross the line between friends and romantic, it's awful hard to shift into reverse.

      You wanna know the really sad part? That was probably my most successful relationship!

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    3. Don't feel too badly. I think your relationship with HER is more successful that ANY of my relationships, and that includes my marriage. So, give yourself a pat on the back. You're better than you knew!

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    4. That relationship ended Labor Day, 1999, and I still had some growing up to do (at 38). Had I moved back to Philly, I think things still may have ended badly and I would have ended up resenting her. I'd rather have the fond memories and know she's happy (at least she was last I heard).

      This may be a more relevant comment on your latest post, but it kind of continues this comment thread. When she got engaged, some friends out here made the comment that I was the "loser" because she found a new relationship first. I noticed similar comments on your 6/24 post.

      When a relationship fails, we both lose. And we both win.

      We each lose the other and what they have to offer. And we all have a lot to offer, no matter how flawed we are.

      And we both win-we move on to new experiences (with more experience, another thread in the 6/24 comments)....I hear that some people get older and wiser from their failures....I got the former, anyway!

      I often say life is about the journey, so I guess even our failed relationships contributed to shape the people we have become.

      Have you thought of who plays you when I sell this blog series as a weekly series?

      Delete
    5. Ah yes, I agree. We both win and we both lose. It makes it all sound like a game, no? A very painful game.

      Like you, I think all experience is there for the learning. So, even the painful stuff teaches us (maybe teaches us more). I maintain my opinion that J2 was a good guy and that I lost out as well. If we'd worked through our stuff, we could've had a very good relationship. Or we could've destroyed it in a new and different way! But, I think he was a very good person.

      When you sell this blog series as a weekly series? Hahahahaha. It sounds like a soap opera to me. A crazy soap opera. Back in the mid to late 90s I was coloring my hair red or strawberry blonde. At the same time, Nicole Kidman was in Batman with similar hair. I had several strangers tell me that I really looked her. I think it was the hair. But, that's the only moviestar comparison I've ever gotten.

      Delete

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