Thursday, March 26, 2015


I can hear you thinking two things already. 1) Why has she not blogged in such a long time? 2) She really should pay Bryan to cartoon her blog on a regular basis, because this is B-o-r-i-n-g.

Before I get down to it in this post, I want to tell you our trio sang again in church. I have it recorded on my phone, with a fairly funny ending (the person recording forget to hit the Stop button). I will post it here shortly. Our church choir is singing an Easter cantata this Sunday. In which, I have a SOLO. So, I will try to find someone to record it for all of you many readers who've requested the long-anticipated solo. The sad fact is it's bound to be disappointing with this long of a build-up.

Now, let's get down to what is actually on my poor brain today. My crazy ass dating life. The universe keeps throwing me these men with very real problems/issues. For the record, I think this will continue to happen until I get VERY CLEAR on my own boundaries and am able to say to them (in the face of hurting their feelings) that this will, in fact, NOT blossom into a "relationship."

Cue the traveling music:

I think we all recall my first (recent) dating experience. I wrote about it HERE. To help refresh your mind, it was the Alcoholic Guy. Funny story. Terrible experience.

My second dating (recent) dating experience I wrote about HERE. Yep, it was another alcoholic. Funny how THAT works. This time a much nicer sweeter alcoholic, but still an alcoholic.

My third (can I call this dating?) experience was the Tree Guy. I wrote about him several times. Here. Here. Well, after date number two (dinner, movie) I was very disturbed. Took me about ten minutes of reflection once I got home and could THINK about it. I knew this guy was dating someone else (fine by me), but she didn't know he was dating me (not fine by me). In fact, I felt like the Other Woman, even though they hadn't been dating long and weren't married. Not the point. I really disliked his dishonesty. If I were dating someone and I erroneously thought "exclusively," which is what I thought she believed based on what he said, I'd be mad when I found out I'd been lied to... even if it was a lie of omission. "I know you thought we were exclusive, but I was actually dating around." And we all know if a guy will do it to one woman, they will do it to YOU. So, I was going to tell the Tree Guy I wasn't interested only he didn't ask me out again. Way to burst my bubble. I hope that he felt guilty about what he was doing.

Which leads me to the current prospect (number four). I met this guy in a game room (yeah, I'm talking about gambling). I know I should've expected to meet a gambling addict in there. But, I'm not a gambling addict... and you see where this line of thought is going. But, really, it's like going to a bar. Bound to be some alcoholics there. The thing that's rare in a game room is meeting anyone even close to my age (or that I'd even consider dating.) So, I met this guy and something he said made me think, "I wonder if he's a gambling addict?" I left. Saw him the next night and he was really sweet. So, I set the first thought aside (but didn't forget it, obviously). I gave him my number. And then we talked, and I found out he was 17 years younger than I am. Holy cow. I about fainted. If I were him, I'd have been OUT. In fact, I almost dated someone with that sort of age gap when I was 30 (really super nice guy), but it was just too much of an age difference.

He tells me has a Facebook. I look at it. Holy carp (yeah, I meant to say carp!). About two years ago there were two really long threads about his gambling addiction. Other people saying he had a problem and him in denial. Well, safe to say that he's still in denial since I met him in a game room. So I KNOW that this isn't going to be a "relationship."

And I INTENDED to tell  him that and pretty much cut ties. I didn't want it to be ugly because I'm sure I'll run into him, but... Well, me being me, I suggested we be friends because I can't date someone with an addiction. And he agreed to the Friends, but not to the addiction.

But, this feels very much like dating story #2. His idea of friends and mine are different methinks. Now I'm just going to have to drop the bomb again... only harder.

And this, my friends, has kept my migraine in full blown pounding. My spirit knows when I'm making a wrong choice and it doesn't fail to alert me by threatening to twist my head off my shoulders.

The irony is that the more I talk to this guy, the more I fully understand that he has trouble with boundaries, too. People who don't want to hurt others, want to help, etc. often end up taking a beating (or sorts) for their well-intentioned choices. This guy has enormous debt (because of his gambling), but couldn't say to no to a co-worker who asked to "borrow" $60. He didn't have that money to give, but did it anyway. He's got another friend who's going through a "crisis" and doesn't have a place to live. He doesn't want him living with him, but allowed him to crash for a night in his guest BR. Now he's feeling guilty about not wanting him to live with him (but he doesn't trust the guy).

Oddly enough, listening to his story about the friend needing a place to stay provided me with some inspiration. When I tell him firmly and definitively (again) that we won't be dating, I can remind him of that friend he didn't want in his house. Not because he didn't like him. Because he knew that was a bad choice for him. I don't want to date him. Not because I don't like him. I know he's a bad choice for me. The end.

Saying what you feel/know to be true even when it hurts the feelings of another is one of the hardest things we do in life. However, we must do it for our own mental health.

Sadly, because I couldn't drop the bomb immediately on this guy, I know there's another one waiting around the corner. The universe is patient. It will keep handing you variations on the same story until you manage to get it done. I wish I were a faster learner...

I saw this graphic on Facebook the other day and thought, "Oh my. This is the story of my life."

With that in mind, I encourage you to think about what vibrational attitude you're putting out there and what you've got in your life. Can you see the correlation in your own life between your vibrational attitude and what is manifesting in your life?


  1. In spite of your dating history as of late, the fact that you are intelligent and mature enough to recognize that somethings just won't work for you will serve you well. There's billions of "wrong" guys, only one Mr. Right. Go for it.

  2. On the one hand, I am truly sorry for the hassles you go through with men.

    On the other hand, you reaffirm my choice to bag the whole dating thing some years back.

    Oh, I go on dates here and there-mostly fix-ups, and occasionally I' met someone where the chemistry was compelling enough to actually ask.

    But by and large-it's a jungle out there!

  3. You keep saying "alcoholic" like there's something wrong with it.

    Very disconcerting.

    Is there truly no hope for us? Heck, I'd overlook some of your shortcomings if you'd overlook my 1-quart-of-vodka-a-day-habit. I mean, it's not like I'm buying expensive, name-brand vodka that puts me deep in totally unmanageable debt. (The off-brand stuffs only causes a little, almost manageable debt.)


    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

  4. Sorry you've had to go through this emotional rollercoaster, but you're definitely doing the right thing, Robin. The last thing you want is to take on his problems, after you're still sorting out everything with your mom. Good luck with your solo on Sunday! I'm sure you'll be a huge hit! Hopefully, we'll all get to hear the recording next week!


  5. You know what you want and good for you! You are a nice person and don't want to hurt the man's feelings but you recognize he has issues. I used to feel bad and say i want to be friends but it wouldn't work...I just say it won't work, all the best and see ya:) I don't have to do that now since i have my hubby. You will find the right guy, stay positive and be happy in your life.

  6. All I can say is, "You lay down with dogs, you get up with fleas." My son is going to start playing softball this year. I am hoping he will find a better quality "flea" along the way. He gets frustrated too, thinking there is no place to meet "good fleas".

  7. Cherdo ~ Just recently a lady from church said this to me (when I presented her with *some* of the problems here): Be particular. I think you pretty much said the same thing.

    LC ~ It is a jungle out there. The ironic thing is that I'm NOT looking. These guys keep finding me.

    StMc ~ Oh Stephen, I know that you know that I know you're a fantastic guy. Swell even. But, between the distance (Reno is a long way) and your daily...ahem... habit... I fear that my Going For It with you just isn't a healthy choice for me. Unlike the rest of these yo-yos, I'm sure you'll understand. ;)

    Julie ~ Ah life lessons. Just like school, you've got to keep on trucking and motor through it. I had a nightmare last night (early this morning) in which my mom found the internet (which didn't actually exist yet) right after my parents divorced and all this junk happened when my brother and I are were teenagers. In the nightmare, she chose her scammer over us and threw us out of the house (because he didn't want us there). And it made me so relieved that this happened when I'm an adult. Kids aren't prepared to deal with that crap.

    Birgit ~ I really need to get better at saying it Just Like That.

    CW ~ Good fleas? Oh dear.

  8. So, when you were 30 you dated a 13 year old? YIKES!

    1. No, I dated a man about 20 years older than myself.

      Funny, FAE. Very funny.

  9. I'm laughing at the comment above.
    Okay, pulling myself together.

    You are doing exactly what is right for you. Always keep that in mind. He might be a nice guy, but you don't owe him a darn thing.

    1. I don't know why it's taken me so long to figure out what is a very simple concept that other people practice ALL THE TIME: You don't owe another person a darn thing. When you start dating, if you don't feel like it's gonna go anywhere, you pull the plug. Everyone does it. It's been done to me (and I always respected that decision).

      The people who are the most difficult to pull the plug on are the ones you need to do it most. The reason they're difficult: they aren't going to take it well. Will likely argue the case that you should continue dating them even if you don't want to and on and on and on.

  10. Dianne's comment above says it all.

  11. Good God, I think FAE wins the Internet. Best. Comment. Ever.

    Oh, and I already mentioned it in my e-mail, but just like Dianne said (great minds think alike), you don't owe him anything. A friendship is fine, but if it starts becoming more of a support group, well... that's no friendship at all. And even if it sucks, you might have to just strap on that cartoonish, oversized shoe and give him the BOOT forever.

    1. Bryan, we went bowling yesterday and then I tried to show him how to gamble responsibly in a game room. Which was not my best and brightest idea, by the way. So, anyway, in the car he plucks his resume off the backseat and asks me to read it and give my opinion. (It was one of the worst resumes I've ever seen in terms of how the content was displayed.) So, I asked if I could make some notes on it. For instance, his employment history should be moved from the very bottom of the page to the top, with the order reversed. Most current job first. Anyway, it was all scratched up with my notes before I was done.

      About an hour later he says, "I can't believe you didn't like my resume. I've shown it to my mom, dad, grandparents, and so on, and they all thought it was great." So, I was like, "Keep it the way you have it then. Not my resume."

      And that conversation brought the entire afternoon full circle. I'm super uncomfortable being around him because he acts like he's about 12. Ergo, I constantly feel the need to parent him. It feels yucky, like I'm dating my kid. Or someone who could be my kid. Anyway, I'm going to have to tell him that. Honestly, his gambling problem aside... I can't go on based on this age dynamic. Or maturity dynamic. Whatever.

  12. I definitely believe you're doing the right thing. He's not good for you. I hope he keeps the resume ideas, and organization! Ha!

  13. The gambler/alcoholic story reminds me a an old Abbott and Costello skit. Lou told Bud about a doctor he was going to see. Bud replied something like this: "Are you crazy? He has a bad reputation. If you go to him for a heart condition, you die of a lung condition. You have to go to my doctor. If you go to him for a heart condition, you die of a heart condition."

  14. Maybe you can be friends with the gambling guy and share your experience with not setting boundaries and maybe it will help him. Maybe.

  15. Your crazy ass dating life... See, now I need to read the rest of your post. Excuse me... games... check! ... 17 years younger... addict....

    Well, all I can say is that we end up getting hurt by not hurting them first. It's always hard.

  16. Oh Robin, you are getting there - even though there is no "there." It's very sad that the guy is in total denial. There's no hope for someone who insists they don't have a problem.

    I get mad when my beau tells me I'm a good "friend." He means it as a compliment, but I take it as an insult. LOL. Men use that word in a weird way, as if it's synonymous with "(potential) bed buddy." I don't know, but I learned to NOT say "let's just be friends" because of it.

  17. I was going to say that you're like a magnet attracting the wrong sorts, but then you put up that quote and I think that says it best. Maybe you're thinking about this situation too much and trying too hard? If I were single I'd come searching you out, but I'm not so I won't. There's some guy out there who's the right one and maybe you need to figure out his profile and magnetize yourself to attract that.

    I'm just glad I'm not dealing with any dating scene right now. I get too tired these days.

    Arlee Bird
    A to Z Challenge Co-host
    Tossing It Out

  18. Why do I do that which I hate? lol That's what instantly came to mind... I tend to repeat mistakes too and it always bites me in the rear.

  19. Getting involved with someone who has addictions will be a rough ride. Even though you probably want to help him, he needs to get himself straightened out before he's ready for a relationship with anyone, including you.


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