As I began working on it, a HERE'S TO YOU post began to take shape. I kid you not. So, I stopped doing THIS and started doing THAT. Which means saving videos to Favorites. Thinking about your posts. I think my psychic link is somewhat broken. Or flickering. Used to be that I'd read one of your posts and *voila* I'd just know the footage to go with it. Now, it happens sometimes, and I've been prone to linking you to the footage since a HERE'S TO YOU hasn't actually happened in a very long time. So, be on the lookout for a HERE'S TO YOU... maybe Friday.
Anyway, I wanted to tell you about a few things going on here. Last night I was so tired. Just drained really. I went to bed before 7pm. Right after dinner. This from the girl who often can't sleep at night. Anyway, I woke up rather a lot, but didn't get up until 9:00am or so. Can we say TIRED? Anyway, in the middle of the night I had this dream about my dad.
|Me and My Dad|
Honestly, I always love when my dad makes an appearance in my dreams. He was driving a van or minivan. I was in the backseat. He says something like, "Uh oh. I think I made a wrong turn. I just got off the interstate and now I'm not sure I can get back on." To which, I climb into the passenger seat, reach under the dash, and say, "No worries. I've got a GPS. We'll just plug it in."
And then I woke up.
|For the record: NOT ME|
Now, that is funny because I used to have literal panic attacks when I'd get lost. (Not anymore, but it was seriously an ISSUE for me.) I was thinking about this dream (again) in the shower (aka The Think Tank) trying to decipher the ins and outs of it. When my dad comes to talk, it MEANS something. Finally, I decided that he was representing my mom in this dream. It feels like she's driving "our" car and has taken a very bad wrong turn. Rather, many wrong turns. In the dream I wasn't worried because I had the GPS, the fix, the way out. In real life, I stay knotted up all the time because she won't accept my GPS, my fix, or my way out.
So what is Dad trying to tell me? Get out of the car? Force the GPS on her? Or just remain peaceful and centered inside because I will not get lost no matter how many wrong turns she makes? It feels terrible, but it will be okay.
So, what was I doing on YouTube?
Well, I'm still trying to take you on the Train tour. This was a band that was also in need of some GPS. I think I can safely say they felt directionally challenged after the failure of For Me, It's You (2005). So much so that the band went on "hiatus" and Pat Monahan recorded a solo album, Last of Seven, in 2007. So, now several years have passed; it's now 2009. That's a long time and many people thought Train was dead after For Me, It's You. Then they release Save Me, San Francisco.
Pat said this about this amazing come-back of an album:
"(It was), 'Let's just make this record from our hearts and not worry about the rest. Let's just do this because we love it.' When we started go from that angle, it made us make better music and write better songs, feel better about things. Before anyone heard the record we felt like we were successful. And for maybe the first time in our careers, we stopped trying to write hit songs and were coming from a place of love."
I've made the statement that I hold fast to regarding the song by same name as the album (in this case, Save Me, San Francisco) as embodying the "feel" of the album. As someone who feels like I could use some direction or a "save," this song is keeping time with my life.
Train wouldn't know it at the time this album was recorded, but it was a LONG time before they recorded the next. California 37 was still quite a few years off. So, they lived on this album (and this album tour) for years. So, I'm going to stretch this album out a bit. But, always keep in the back of your mind that every song on this album is a search for their sound. Their selves. Their independence and their interdependence. So many of the things we all spend much of our own lives seeking. Heck, I'm still looking.
Where do I end and my mother begin? At what point do her problems become my problems and vice versa? We can't navigate this life without affecting the people around us. Sometimes we're being saved and sometimes we're saving and sometimes we're just working on our swimming skills. But, let's face it, we're never standing still. And, as FAE, said so eloquently in the comments of my last post: "Whenever I'm blue thinking how someone, especially someone important, disappointed me; I think of all the possible disappointment I've caused others, by simply being myself." Did that feel like a sucker punch? Don't look at me. I'm just quoting another brilliant mind!
Have you been high, been low? Have you been yes or oh hell no? What about rock 'n roll and disco? Have you been up, been down? Been lost when someone's not around? What about reggae or calypso? Have you been stop, been go? Have you been yes or oh hell no? Rock 'n roll and disco?
I've definitely been Oh Hell No!