Before I get down to it in this post, I want to tell you our trio sang again in church. I have it recorded on my phone, with a fairly funny ending (the person recording forget to hit the Stop button). I will post it here shortly. Our church choir is singing an Easter cantata this Sunday. In which, I have a SOLO. So, I will try to find someone to record it for all of you many readers who've requested the long-anticipated solo. The sad fact is it's bound to be disappointing with this long of a build-up.
Now, let's get down to what is actually on my poor brain today. My crazy ass dating life. The universe keeps throwing me these men with very real problems/issues. For the record, I think this will continue to happen until I get VERY CLEAR on my own boundaries and am able to say to them (in the face of hurting their feelings) that this will, in fact, NOT blossom into a "relationship."
Cue the traveling music:
I think we all recall my first (recent) dating experience. I wrote about it HERE. To help refresh your mind, it was the Alcoholic Guy. Funny story. Terrible experience.
My second dating (recent) dating experience I wrote about HERE. Yep, it was another alcoholic. Funny how THAT works. This time a much nicer sweeter alcoholic, but still an alcoholic.
My third (can I call this dating?) experience was the Tree Guy. I wrote about him several times. Here. Here. Well, after date number two (dinner, movie) I was very disturbed. Took me about ten minutes of reflection once I got home and could THINK about it. I knew this guy was dating someone else (fine by me), but she didn't know he was dating me (not fine by me). In fact, I felt like the Other Woman, even though they hadn't been dating long and weren't married. Not the point. I really disliked his dishonesty. If I were dating someone and I erroneously thought "exclusively," which is what I thought she believed based on what he said, I'd be mad when I found out I'd been lied to... even if it was a lie of omission. "I know you thought we were exclusive, but I was actually dating around." And we all know if a guy will do it to one woman, they will do it to YOU. So, I was going to tell the Tree Guy I wasn't interested only he didn't ask me out again. Way to burst my bubble. I hope that he felt guilty about what he was doing.
Which leads me to the current prospect (number four). I met this guy in a game room (yeah, I'm talking about gambling). I know I should've expected to meet a gambling addict in there. But, I'm not a gambling addict... and you see where this line of thought is going. But, really, it's like going to a bar. Bound to be some alcoholics there. The thing that's rare in a game room is meeting anyone even close to my age (or that I'd even consider dating.) So, I met this guy and something he said made me think, "I wonder if he's a gambling addict?" I left. Saw him the next night and he was really sweet. So, I set the first thought aside (but didn't forget it, obviously). I gave him my number. And then we talked, and I found out he was 17 years younger than I am. Holy cow. I about fainted. If I were him, I'd have been OUT. In fact, I almost dated someone with that sort of age gap when I was 30 (really super nice guy), but it was just too much of an age difference.
He tells me has a Facebook. I look at it. Holy carp (yeah, I meant to say carp!). About two years ago there were two really long threads about his gambling addiction. Other people saying he had a problem and him in denial. Well, safe to say that he's still in denial since I met him in a game room. So I KNOW that this isn't going to be a "relationship."
And I INTENDED to tell him that and pretty much cut ties. I didn't want it to be ugly because I'm sure I'll run into him, but... Well, me being me, I suggested we be friends because I can't date someone with an addiction. And he agreed to the Friends, but not to the addiction.
But, this feels very much like dating story #2. His idea of friends and mine are different methinks. Now I'm just going to have to drop the bomb again... only harder.
And this, my friends, has kept my migraine in full blown pounding. My spirit knows when I'm making a wrong choice and it doesn't fail to alert me by threatening to twist my head off my shoulders.
The irony is that the more I talk to this guy, the more I fully understand that he has trouble with boundaries, too. People who don't want to hurt others, want to help, etc. often end up taking a beating (or sorts) for their well-intentioned choices. This guy has enormous debt (because of his gambling), but couldn't say to no to a co-worker who asked to "borrow" $60. He didn't have that money to give, but did it anyway. He's got another friend who's going through a "crisis" and doesn't have a place to live. He doesn't want him living with him, but allowed him to crash for a night in his guest BR. Now he's feeling guilty about not wanting him to live with him (but he doesn't trust the guy).
Oddly enough, listening to his story about the friend needing a place to stay provided me with some inspiration. When I tell him firmly and definitively (again) that we won't be dating, I can remind him of that friend he didn't want in his house. Not because he didn't like him. Because he knew that was a bad choice for him. I don't want to date him. Not because I don't like him. I know he's a bad choice for me. The end.
Saying what you feel/know to be true even when it hurts the feelings of another is one of the hardest things we do in life. However, we must do it for our own mental health.
Sadly, because I couldn't drop the bomb immediately on this guy, I know there's another one waiting around the corner. The universe is patient. It will keep handing you variations on the same story until you manage to get it done. I wish I were a faster learner...
I saw this graphic on Facebook the other day and thought, "Oh my. This is the story of my life."
With that in mind, I encourage you to think about what vibrational attitude you're putting out there and what you've got in your life. Can you see the correlation in your own life between your vibrational attitude and what is manifesting in your life?
