I IS FOR INSURANCE

Honestly, I have been so focused in my creative visualization process on the Phase II aspect of my Big Idea that I just have expected everything else to fall into place. In other words, since I feel like this whole thing is bigger than me, I more or less handed it off to the universe, and let it all go. That meant that I didn't worry about being approved for SSDI. I was led to an organization that made the process easy, has a 98% success rate, did all of the paperwork, and while I feel frustrated, and stalled out, about not making any progress about getting better in the now, I really don't focus on the "if" of SSDI approval. In fact, this organization has a 50% success rate on the first submission, so I was really able to rally my visualization down other paths. In my mind, I rubber stamped that a "yes" and moved on. I was thinking constantly about new and better ways to make the most of any funds raised. How can we do more with what we have? What needs am I overlooking, etc.? How can I make this whole system better for OTHER people? How can I make it easier for OTHER people to get well?

Of course, all of this hinges on my getting well. And my getting well hinges on Social Security recognizing that I have debilitating migraines. I forget crap. I lose words. I get lost in familiar places. I have serious neurological issues that my doctors don't even understand. I have muscle and joint pain that I am just living with right now, because my body continues to have bad reactions to all medications that are prescribed. All movement is very painful. In other words, everything hurts, and my mind is like a computer with wires that keep getting pulled out arbitrarily, and plugged back in. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to it. So, I can spell just fine right now, but in a few hours maybe not so much. And I might be able to grasp the word for "telephone" easily right now, but later, when I am in the midst of conversation it might be... "You know the thing that rings and someone is on the other end and they are calling from somewhere. We have four or five of them." And someone will say, "Telephone?" And I will respond, "Yes. I lost the word for a minute. Telephone. Don't ask me to spell it. Ha ha ha." But it really isn't funny, because I know my brain is shorting out all over the place, and the roulette wheel is only just starting to spin.

Where is all of this coming from? I got my letter today. Social Security denied me. They have declared me fit to work. Even though I have no car. Cannot drive. Get lost. Lose words. Have migraines that keep me in bed for days and weeks at a time, and have lost 20 pounds in 6 months. Bringing me down to the unhealthy weight of 104 where I am currently sitting. Even though my mother would have to go to work with me every day. I am fit to work according to them. I know that this is a game for them and all part of our totally screwed up system. I tell myself that. They know I will appeal. They just want the process to go on. And on. And on. And I suppose that would be okay if anything were happening on this end to make my life even reasonably better. But it isn't. I go to see two doctors every month to the tune of $400. And I pay $200 for health insurance. And for this huge amount of money I get NOTHING. No relief whatsoever. No help. No assistance. No benefit. All it shows is that I need medical care. I have to continue to go to show that I need medical care. Even though if I actually got any medical care it would cost so much that it would break my parents. We are teetering on the edge of the cliff now.

So, we shall appeal and wait another six months. Although, I understand from my representation that we are most likely to get denied on the second appeal. So, that means that our only real shot is on the third appeal. So, we are really looking at a year out before getting any sort of help here. I wonder how much I will weigh then? Or if I will still be alive then? The one thing I do know is that my parents should not pay my medical bills if I should die. Social Security will pay your medical bills in the event of your death, should your condition kill you before you make it through the process. I talked to the father of someone whose son died during the process. He and his wife paid the bills. Social Security apologized, and said that they were sorry for his loss, and then asked about the bills. When they found out that the bills were paid they said that there was nothing that they could do. He said that they could reimburse his family. Social Security said that they would have paid any outstanding bills, but since they had taken care of the bills, there was nothing they could do. Which was total bs. Of course, there was something they could do. This family had just buried their child. They could have reimbursed them on the medical costs since they had dragged their heels on getting him the help that might have saved his life (bastards). Instead, they went with an insincere apology. Terrible system. Like I said, spread the word about those bills. Leave them outstanding if you are in middle of a claim. Social Security will pick up that tab if you die.

My parents are having a New Year's Eve party tonight and have invited a bunch of their church friends, camping friends, and other friends, too probably. I wasn't not looking forward to it, but I wasn't dreading it. Now, I am seriously not happy about it. A party is the last place I want to be. I feel seriously Grinchy. I was psyched about 2011. It was the year of possibility. I really thought I was going to get my SSDI and be on my way to wellness. Now, I see it as another year of debilitating migraines and agonizing pain. Now, swallowing a bottle of pain pills is looking appetizing. I am tired of the unending pain. I am tired of being tired. I am tired of being the financial drain in this family.

I was going to delete that because it sounded really depressing. The thing is this: it is true. I have suicidal moments. I think those things. I haven't thought them in a while. I have been in a much better place ever since I filed for SSDI because I was doing something proactive. It got better yet when I started becoming really visual with my Big Idea. And bought my domain name. I felt like I was moving forward. Chronic pain is a bitch, people. I apologize to that follower who I just lost because of that curse word. I try not to curse much, but that is the truth of it. Chronic pain wears on your body, mind, your spirit, your soul. It wears on you. To think you see a light at the end of the tunnel, only to turn a corner and see another year of more pitch black tunnel, is freaking discouraging. However, I won't be swallowing a bottle of pills anytime soon. I probably will be a total pain in the rear end to live with, so I totally pity my parents.

I played this yesterday for Yvonne. Today I play it for me. Hallelujah.





image found at www.weheartit.com

HERE'S TO YOU THURSDAY

Today is the day that I celebrate all of the amazingness that you contributed to blogland this week. It is that day again. What day is that you ask? How can you have forgotten? Drum roll please. It is HERE'S TO YOU THURSDAY, of course! The very best day of the blogging week. It is the precursor to the best day of the work week.

Here is what is going down: this is a weekly event. The best (or worst) part is that I am not going to explain why I chose "whatever" footage for each of you. If, you watch your footage and are scratching your head at the end, well that means I didn't do a very good job. However, all is not lost. You can email me at rarichards68@gmail.com and ask me what I was thinking when I chose that particular piece of footage off of youtube and connected it to you. And then I will tell you. Then I will start sending up prayers that I haven't offended the crap out of whoever is on the receiving end of that email....lol. Because, honestly, I will tell you right now... I admire all of you enormously so I really hope that doesn't happen.

Also, this is not an exclusive venture by any means. I hope that you will take the time to watch ALL of the footage because I don't pick bad footage:-) I also hope that you might check out the blog of the person I dedicated the footage to because they are pretty darn awesome. If you haven't figured this out yet... I pick the footage based on something that you've written or something that I've gleaned from your personality. Think on that for a while... If you are having trouble watching the entire video (meaning it is being cut off on one side), click on it a couple of times and it will take you straight over to youtube. If you click on the four squares at the bottom corner of the video, it will enlarge it to fill your screen. The escape key will bring it back to normal size. The back arrow will bring you back to my page.

Now, let's get this PARTY STARTED!!!!

This one is for everyone:





This one is for FACING 50 with HUMOUR:





This one is for Phoenix at Res Ipsa Loquitur:

You have to click here. Embedding has been disabled.


This one is for KyAnn at Sanity is Overrated:





This one is for Lira The Struggling Actress:

You have to click here to watch. Embedding has been disabled.


This one is for Chris at A Deliberate Life:





This one is for JJ The Disconnected Writer:





This one is for Yvonne at Writing My Life Away:





This one is for Miss Angie at My So-Called Chaos:





image found at www.weheartit.com

H IS FOR HARMONY

I had a moment of revelation that I haven't had a picture taken of myself since something like fall of 2008. Maybe there were Christmas pictures last year, but I don't have them. If any exist, they are on my mom's computer, and I haven't seen them. Hmmmm. Now, I am kinda sorta wondering about that. In any event, I decided THIS Christmas that I would actually make an effort to look good for Christmas. I really needed to have some sort of halfway decent looking picture of myself. In other words, try to look as good as possible. That meant doing something with my hair. I knew that my blowdryer worked only because my stepdad's grand-daughter visited for the holidays about a week ago and asked to borrow it. Yep. It worked. So, that meant that the least I could was blow out my hair and try to do something with the ends. Put on a dab of make-up (just so that I don't look dead) and see what happens.

Can you tell that my expectations weren't rolling real high here? Well, it was a bit frustrating. All of my pants were too big. I mentioned this on yesterday's post (for those of you who didn't read it) and all of my clothes are dated. That is what happens when you don't work for an extended period of time. And my hair hasn't been cut in almost two years, so there was not really any part of the whole that is me that I was excited about "showcasing." Of course, it didn't help that my mother pointed out that the black shirt I chose made me look washed out and pasty against all of our white walls. Washed out and pasty wasn't really the look I was going for to update my facebook picture and punctuate the 2010 photo album as "me" in the appropriate slot.

This one is me by the Christmas tree. Turns out it wasn't so bad. What is amazing is that I have horrible red eye in every picture. I look like the devil. Thank the powers that be that someone invented red eye removal. Unfortunately, there are some pictures that I still was unable to get it punched out.



For instance, this one of me and my dog, Shelby. There is still a hint of red eye.



And this is me opening a gift that totally cracked me up. Again, I tried to completely remove the red eye, but no such luck. However, this is what I look like when I laugh. So, I kept it in. Just without the red eye.


Then, I told you that I went shopping for pants yesterday. If you want more on that story, you will have to read yesterday's post. Boy, that was an experience. This is the full length shot of the pants that I was trying to describe. The pattern in the pants is so fine that you can't even really see it. Figures. However, I think that Stacy and Clinton from What Not To Wear would be very proud. I barely own any clothes, but the pants that I do own follow the instructions about the line of the leg and all that to a Tee. However, before I can put Phase II of my Big Idea into action I am going to have to go on What Not To Wear, and be fitted out with a new wardrobe. I am completely unprepared for serious fundraising with the pitiful clothing that I currently own. I had a terrible time with this outfit. I have no nice blouses. And finding a wide belt was a nightmare. One that fit. Ugggh. So, this was a making do with what we had outfit.



I do like this picture better because I am actually smiling. If you are wondering about the necklace, I bought it from a girl who walked into the little part-time job I worked in Florida. That seems like forever ago. I was doing a lot better then. Anyway, she made her own jewelry and she was so sweet. As a salesperson, I am a sucker for other salespeople. I have the worst time saying "no." So, she was telling me about each piece, what it was made of, what it stood for, and I was nodding and trying to figure out how to say "no." Then she got to the one I am wearing. It means harmony. At that point in my life I needed harmony. A lot. I was going through some rough times. So, without being able to stop myself, I said, "I'll take it." And that is how I bought myself harmony.



You may have noticed that my hair on Christmas was straight and it is curly today. Well, I dug out my curling iron and curled it. It took me a while to find it. I haven't used it in... I honestly don't know how long. I just wondered what it would feel like to feel pretty again. Turns out it feels pretty good. Well, not on the hands while you are curling the hair. That hurts. All of that spinning hurts the joints like crazy. But the after part feels good. And I remembered what it was like to curl your hair. What it used to be like. Back when I did it all the time... that was the time I had practice conversations with myself. In high school, it was the time that I had hundreds of conversations with the boy that I had a crush on. Not one of those conversations ever took place. When I went to work, it was when I had practice conversations about how to do my job better. Those conversations actually happened. I practiced my demos as a salesperson. Sometimes I practiced arguing when I was married. Those always went better in my bathroom than they did in real life...lol.

So, what do you think about while you are fixing your hair?

FIRE OUR LIPS OVER HEELS

I think that I am going to be brief, as in non-existent, about Christmas today (I do have a funny little story to tell for tomorrow) and leave it for then. Actually, I have several holiday tales for you, but I am going to put them off because today is the inspirational music post day.

I am late getting it out for two reasons. 1) I really struggled with the music. I had one 80s artist lined up and then changed my mind. So, I wound up going through footage for a totally different band. Egads. AND I had no handle on what song was inspirational to me at all. Usually this problem resolves itself in fairly short order. Today, that just was not happening. My problem was that the songs I liked were not matching up to videos that impressed me much. OR there were no videos. Just the song. I really like a cool video to go with a song. It bugs me when I don't get the whole package. Of course, sometimes there is a video mashup to a song, and I really like it, but it is set to a TV show I watch, and I think that you guys will roll your eyes. Or that the song will mean less because it is set to a show you don't watch. So, do I go with a blank screen, and just the song, or clips to a show that you might not watch, because there is no "official" video? Egads. I don't like these choices. So, I flit around like a butterfly on steroids unable to make up my mind.

2) My friend Anthony came over and I had Christmas money. I also have no pants that fit, because I have lost so much weight. So, we went shopping. He is cool like that. I had NO IDEA what size I would be. Turns out that mostly I am a 4P or 4Short. However, in some brands a 4 is too big. Eeeks. That sent me eventually to juniors, which had me flipping out. The 80s are back. OMG. That was terrible the first time. Why would anyone bring it back around voluntarily for another go? I nearly passed out. Zippers on pants. Parachute pants? Seriously? This wasn't hideous enough 20 years ago? Fluorescent colors? Why people why? That had me running back to the women's department, because I forgot to thoroughly vet the designated petite area. We had just thoroughly went through women's department looking for petites and shorts. I finally ended up with two pair of jeans, and a nice pair of pants that are khaki with a multi colored check or lines in them. I am not good with fashion description. I will have to wear them, I suppose, and post a photo. Anyway, I finally have pants again that don't require a belt to stay up. Whew.

My next project is to go through all of my clothes and donate to Goodwill, bag as "fat clothes" and indicate which exact "fat size" it is, since I am now running the gamut up to 10. Put each in its own crate so that if my weight fluctuates again I will have "new" clothes when I open the designated crate. This is another "benefit" of migraines. I will take this moment to ~ once again ~ bemoan the loss of some of favorite tops that would now fit like a glove. Yes, I am a small and they are gone, gone, gone. Long gone. Thus, the need for the crate system. With the additional designation of summer/winter wear. Clearly, this is a pain in the rear end sort of task.

I think you can see why it has been so difficult to work up the steam to find my mojo and pluck out an inspirational song to me. Well, yes and no. There were some really lovely, fine, and wonderful things that happened over the holidays, so I really shouldn't complain. I even had mom take pictures of me to put on here. However, I looked awful. She says it was because I was wearing a black shirt and it washed me out. So, tomorrow I shall see if I can't find something nicer to go with my new pants and try it again. Surely, there must be something decent in my wardrobe! I think I digressed off of my song again. Anyway, here is one that made me smile.



I hope that the ending made you smile, too. That little spider was so cute. It was his specialness that made Spiderman a superhero, yet he was so overlooked. The girl never spared him a second glance. So, when he saw his opportunity there at the end, he grabbed it. Too cute. Nothing like being proactive, eh? Anything can happen in live theatre and sometimes it does!!!

Well, after all of my blah blah blah about the 80s, we are going to talk about 80s music and video. Totally different from my journey into juniors earlier today. Well, maybe not so different, but different enough. 80s had so much going right and music video was one them. Clothes was definitely debatable. There were only a few all-girl bands and The Go-Gos were one of them. The lead singer was Belinda Carlisle and Jane Weidlin played lead guitar (I think). She also did a lot of the back-up vocals. She was popular enough in her own right that I remember her name. She was spunky. In my opinion, she had all of the "energy" of that band. If there was someone you wanted to watch, it was her. Belinda had an excellent voice, but Jane had the personality. One of their best songs was WE GOT THE BEAT. Terrible video. As in dull. You can watch it on your own if you feel so inclined. Great song, just a concert vid. Nothing original about it.

Here are a couple of videos of The Go-Gos rocking out MTV. I have very fond memories of dancing around my living room singing into a hairbrush to all of these songs. So, you can think about that while you watch these. They did, indeed, have the beat!

Opening Up My Heart

Merry Christmas Eve friends. I am not embracing my traditional Christmas Eve habits this year. My mother and I usually go out to the mall and watch shoppers from the benches in the "safe zone." It is amusing. There are two kinds of Christmas Eve shoppers: frantic and calm. The frantic ones are clearly on the edge of losing it, and the others may have been there and come back, OR they know that there is no point. This day is just crazy and it is just easier to go with the flow. Expect insanity. Expect rudeness. Expect people to push and shove. You choose to be the one stands still and be the serenity in the midst of the madness. It is a character study in its own way.

This year my mom went with my stepdad. Nothing about the mall is appealing when you have a migraine and the fibro aches and pains are back in full force. Turns out that I was really glad I stayed home because I got a phone call from my hs friend Jennifer. I specify because of all the Jennifers in my life. We have reconnected on the telephone (in addition to email) and had a lovely conversation. I thought about calling her, but decided against. She has kids and I thought she would be WAY too busy on a day like today to get a phone call. Not thirty minutes later, she called me. Too cool. We talked a lot about my Big Idea and some of her stuff. And we reminisced about some old times. It was good to laugh.

Here is my favorite Christmas song (I think) on the serious side. I really like Christmas songs, so this is actually a tough call. Merry Christmas to you and yours. Laugh a lot. Love a lot. And if the mood strikes you, sing for no good reason. Even if there is no music playing. People do it in the movies all the time and it's really cool. Sometimes they start dancing, too. So, sing, dance, laugh, love. Change your clothes 20 times to music and do a montage of some kind. Go for it. And if you do that montage thing, video it, and put it on here, because that would be totally awesome. If I had cooler clothes, I would TOTALLY do that. Love ya peeps. Merry Christmas. And on with the song...




It's love.


image found at www.weheartit.com

HERE'S TO YOU THURSDAY

Today is the day that I celebrate all of the amazingness that you contributed to blogland this week. It is that day again. What day is that you ask? How can you have forgotten? Drum roll please. It is HERE'S TO YOU THURSDAY, of course! The very best day of the blogging week. It is the precursor to the best day of the work week.

Here is what is going down: this is a weekly event. The best (or worst) part is that I am not going to explain why I chose "whatever" footage for each of you. If, you watch your footage and are scratching your head at the end, well that means I didn't do a very good job. However, all is not lost. You can email me at rarichards68@gmail.com and ask me what I was thinking when I chose that particular piece of footage off of youtube and connected it to you. And then I will tell you. Then I will start sending up prayers that I haven't offended the crap out of whoever is on the receiving end of that email....lol. Because, honestly, I will tell you right now... I admire all of you enormously so I really hope that doesn't happen.

Also, this is not an exclusive venture by any means. I hope that you will take the time to watch ALL of the footage because I don't pick bad footage:-) I also hope that you might check out the blog of the person I dedicated the footage to because they are pretty darn awesome. If you haven't figured this out yet... I pick the footage based on something that you've written or something that I've gleaned from your personality. Think on that for a while... If you are having trouble watching the entire video (meaning it is being cut off on one side), click on it a couple of times and it will take you straight over to youtube. If you click on the four squares at the bottom corner of the video, it will enlarge it to fill your screen. The escape key will bring it back to normal size. The back arrow will bring you back to my page.

Now, let's get this PARTY STARTED!!!!

This one is for everyone:




This one is for Mitzi at Daily Reflection:

You have to click here. This one won't embed.


This one is for JJ The Disconnected Writer:




This one is for Kim at Saving My Life:




This one is for Cinderita at The Adventures of Cinderita:




This one is for Phoenix at Res Ipsa Loquitur:

JUMP TEACHER, MERRY CHRISTMAS

My magical musical Saturday keeps falling on Sunday. What is up with that? Oh yeah, migraines. Hmmmm.

Turns out that I am still looking for a web designer for my website. I think that I am probably looking for someone in academia. Someone just getting their stuff together. A learner. Up for a challenge. And maybe would be willing to make my site their project. Wouldn't it be totally cool to have someone so juiced to work on your site that they wanted it to be top-notch, so that they could get they their A+ grade on it? Yeah, that is what I am thinking, too. It would also be the first "jump" in their career. I know that free advertising doesn't sound like anything right now, but when this thing takes off, the returns will be excellent. Karma is like that.

What does that have to do with magical music Sunday? Nothing. I was just throwing it in there.

I spent some time on youtube yesterday and found some amazing stuff. I already knew what 80s band I was going with, so that that took like 10 minutes. It was the inspirational to me business that had me cruising in circles. I found this cache of Zooey Deschanel songs that blew my mind. I already knew that she had an excellent voice, because she sang in the Christmas movie ELF. That was how I landed there. BUT, she is freaking awesome. And the Elf song wouldn't embed and I really don't like that on this day. So, I took a pass. But... I had to keep listening to her other stuff. I got stuck. Seriously stuck. She acts, she sings, she dances. A triple threat. And she writes songs, too. Make that a quadruple threat. I am just awed. If I were a lesbian, I would be all over that. I kinda have this girl crush and I don't swing like that. Scary. I think it is more like I want to BE Zooey Deschanel. Now we are getting somewhere. We can add her to the list behind Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Maybe in front of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. That is a freaking dangerous job. Moving on...

That brings us to today. I was clearly looking for Christmas music. You need to understand something. I love Christmas. It is my favorite holiday. Every year but this one. The joy ~ for me ~ is in giving. I have no job and nothing to give. Plus my migraines, and other aches and pains, have stepped up their pace and are kicking my a$$. I don't want to shop with money I don't have. I really want the holiday to skip over me and go unnoticed. Sort of like my next birthday. However, the OLD me loved Christmas. Loved thinking about what someone would really want. That thing they wouldn't buy for themselves, but really enjoy. Loved buying for the kids. The getting was nice, but the real joy was in the giving. I loved the songs. The serious carols and the fun songs, too. The carols are about the spirit of the holiday, and the fun songs celebrate the magic. Both are awesome. Mostly, I love music. Plus, our house was filled it with growing up, so it is like time travel. I love the traditions. Candles. Stockings. Decorations. One present on Christmas Eve. Donuts on Christmas morning. There is pretty much nothing about Christmas I don't like. Except this year. Alas, that why there have been no posts from me. Nothing about my notorious snowman collection (which is huge). Nothing about how my mother puts out three manger scenes. One from her childhood, and two others that she has collected over the years. None of it. I avoid the living room where the decorations live. The tree is. I haven't wrapped a single gift. If I find something in my gift box, I bring it out and leave it for my mom to wrap. Bah humbug. No Christmas music playing in my room.

I know that all of you have tons of thoughts whirling through your heads right now. The thing is that I just want to move forward... past it. On the morning of Christmas will some of that Christmas spirit find me? Yeah, probably. Maybe sooner. This wholes process has been a learning experience for me. People think that people get angry because they don't get. Maybe that it isn't it at all. Maybe they get angry because they can't give. It lends a whole new insight to... everything. Children get angry about not getting. Adults get angry about not being able to give. Whether it is material or not... the next time you are angry, what are you not able to give? Think about that for a while.

And so, the perfect Christmas song to make anyone laugh. Not saying it will cure the blues forever. But for 4 minutes, it is pretty darn good.



Makes me smile every time.

Well, we are back to the 80s, MTV, and the crazy world of the teenage mind. I spent about 30 minutes thinking about what band or singer to go with before I settled on this one. I almost did some research, and then decided that my ignorance is part of what makes this so much fun. It is about what I remember, right or wrong, and that is all part of it. We talked last week about boys looking like girls (sort of). Long hair was in. Big hair was in. Boys were wearing eye liner. Looking too pretty, or maybe just pretty enough, and lines were being crossed. In other words, the pretty boy was the rage.

Once again, I will reiterate my knowledge about legitimate band gossip is limited. My main source of information was Tiger Beat magazine. I chose each issue based on how many pictures of John Taylor were in there, and if they were good ones. Did I even read the copy? I don't think so. As I said, other cuties occasionally made my corkboard wall, but John Taylor pretty much decided which issues were bought, and which weren't. Was I reading ROLLING STONE? No. Did I even watch the interviews with Kurt Loder? Not unless it was with Duran Duran. Do you sense a theme? Did I spend hours watching mind numbing videos waiting for a Duran Duran video? Ding ding ding. Yes.

One quick note. Did I ever like other videos than Duran Duran videos? Of course. I wasn't a total moron. The following two videos got LOTS of rotation. Trust me on this, and it is why I picked them. Now, before you ask me, "Robin, why are you not picking up the David Lee Roth vs. Sammy Hagar battle over who was the best singer for Van Halen?" Let me answer the question. "David Lee Roth was the singer during the time period we are talking about AND we can all learn a lesson here."

The first video is JUMP. I can't tell you how many times I have seen this video. Seriously. One of the things that is unusual about Van Halen, I think, is that the band is named after someone other than the lead singer. I can't think (off the top of my head) of another case of this happening. In those situations, the band has a name, but it isn't the name of someone else in the band. Well, let's watch this video and talk about this some more.



Eddie Van Halen is an amazing guitar player. And I do believe that was him tickling the keyboards. He is also a cutie patootie in his own right. Apparently he just isn't a singer. Enter David Lee Roth. The thing about singers is that they feel irreplaceable. In most cases, the singer is the star of the show. Pretty much anyone in the band IS irreplaceable, but the singer is the VOICE of the band. However, Eddie Van Halen was an extraordinary musician, and it was HIS band. I think that was clear in the beginning. As they became more successful, it must have become less clear. David Lee Roth is not just a singer, but a performer. That doesn't hurt. If you can sing AND be an entertainer, well you are THE PACKAGE. Of course, David Lee Roth was always just this side of nasty. Let's continue our case study so that you can see what I mean:



Now, David Lee Roth never "did it for me." You know how that there are some slightly nasty boys that you think you might like to try you some of that. Well, he wasn't one of them for me. He was just enough of the side of nasty that I thought about antiseptic. Now, that was before I actually knew ANYTHING about him. Later I found out that he spent a lot of his free time in strip clubs and the like and I thought, "Sounds right to me." Now, that rumor may or may not have been true.

What is true that David Lee Roth did something that got himself released from Van Halen, and Sammy Hagar stepped in as lead singer. People: this never happens. I imagine that David Lee Roth walked around saying the same thing for years. This never happens. Or how did this happen? The lead singer just doesn't get fired when the band is on top. Well, as someone who knows nothing about what happened, I am going to speculate. The band was called Van Halen because Eddie Van Halen was in charge. David Lee Roth got a bit too full of himself, and decided that he could start calling the shots because he was the VOICE. In other words, he thought he had power that he didn't have. If Eddie hadn't had belief in his own ability, that might have worked. But, he got tired of the power plays, and the crap, and threw him out on his ear. He found another singer with a totally different style, and let this guy know whose band it was. Sammy Hagar knew that Eddie was willing to fire the singer when they were on top, and that it was a team effort. Eddie didn't put up with crap. And they got along fine for a long time. Pride is one of things that cuts both ways. You don't have enough and you're a doormat. You have too much and you're a jerk. Full of yourself. There is no "I" in TEAM. Or in BAND. And I think that Eddie knew that and David didn't. So, he sacked him. Pretty ballsy.

It reminds me of an episode from the TV show M*A*S*H when Hawkeye says to Frank, "You don't work and play well with others."

No one is irreplaceable. No one should be. In fact, if we are doing our jobs right as human beings, we are passing on what we know to others, so that they can pick up where we leave off, and do what we do as well, or better, than we are doing it.

G IS FOR GOALIE

I woke up this morning thinking about goalies. Christine wrote a post about being a goalie several months ago. I spent some time trying to remember exactly what she said about it and failed. So, I diverted myself with what I knew about the position of goalie. I could think of two sports off the top of my head that needed a goalie: soccer and hockey. In both cases, the goalie's job, near as I could figure, remained the same: keep the ball or puck from making it into the net.

For the sake of this hypothetical, I need to pick a sport and stick with it. Let's go with soccer (or futball) and use a ball, instead of a puck. Unlike any other person on the team, the goalie needs to know where that ball is at all times. Other players can lose sight of the ball, pick it up again, and that be okay. Not so for the goalie. If the goalie loses line of sight on the ball, that could be the shot that makes it into the net. That net doesn't seem all that big, but that is deceptive. It is huge, and the goalie needs to be everywhere. Or poised to be everywhere. The more I considered it, the hardest part about being the goalie would be having all that adrenalin coursing through you, and having nowhere to go. You are waiting. The ball will come. Eventually. You don't know when, where, or who will kick it. But it will come. And you don't know if you need to be down low, up high, in the middle, on the right, on the left. So, the adrenalin is blitzing your system and you wait. And wait. And watch. Because you can't lose line of sight on the ball. And you have to be balanced perfectly to dive right, left, jump, or open face block. In other words, you have to be ready for anything. Anytime. Over and over.

We all play certain positions in life well. We excel at specific things. It clicked for me this morning that being married to my ex-husband was like playing goalie. That became more obvious when his kids moved in, because the outcome of the game became more important. Had they not moved in, I would have figured out I was playing goalie and quit. I wouldn't have known I was playing goalie; I would have just realized I was playing the wrong position. However, the stakes went up when his kids moved in, and I couldn't take my eyes off the ball. All that adrenalin and not being able to move. Too much stress. Chronic stress. Chronic migraines. I was playing the wrong position.

Right now I am still playing goalie. I am still focused onto the ball. Different ball. It is the SSDI ball. I have little to no control over it. In fact, there is very little activity on the field these days. Still lots of stress. I am watching the government and the doctors do their thing and am trying to anticipate and block. And I still have some stuff going on in my personal life that causes me to dive and jump, too. In fact, there are multiple balls on the field.


My mother worries about my Big Idea. She worries that starting a non-profit organization is too much stress. It is when you try to play the position that you have no business playing (i.e. designing a web page) that you get into trouble. However, when you focus on what you are good at, then it is good stress. I do believe that I will get better. There will be a time in the future when my migraines will not be my daily life. However, migraines are a disease. That means that when I get overly stressed I am likely to get a migraine. People who have diseases have to modify their lives in order to live healthily. This is just common sense. For instance, diabetics should cut out the carbs and sugar. It doesn't mean their lives are over. It just means that they have to pay attention to their bodies.

Modify their life to meet the demands of their disease(s). Yeah, for me we don't know what all that means yet. I have migraines and probably other stuff. It means that I have to modify my life. There will be pills and vitamins and a special diet, most likely. Eventually, I am hoping for yoga, or some sort of exercise, that works within the boundaries of what my body will allow, and expands its capabilities. I am really hoping that when it is all said and done that some of the traditional migraine meds that shut a migraine down when it is starting work for me. That would be freaking awesome. If not, I will at least be at the start of a migraine that going to an out-patient clinic, and getting hooked up to a drip to stop it will still be effective. Again, we do what we have to in order to make it work.

However, there is good stress. In high school, I was at my best when I was doing a play, had a report, and a test or two. I actually work well under pressure. I was in commission sales for ten years. That is a career where if you don't work, you don't get paid. I don't know how many people I met who said, "I couldn't do that." I loved that. They paid me to drive around, talk to people (who I eventually got to know pretty well and become good friends with), show them stuff they needed, and then do it again. How awesome is that? Every day.


So, who am I? I am the captain. I could also be the co-captain. And I would play one of the forward positions. They are the people who are actively trying to make the goals. They don't get chronic migraines because they are on the move. Their adrenalin isn't just surging while they stand around and block. I don't play defense. And if that doesn't sound right to your ear yet, I am a proactive person.

“There are people who make things happen, there are people who watch things happen, and there are people who wonder what happened. To be successful, you need to be a person who makes things happen.”
~James A. Lovell

HERE'S TO YOU THURSDAY

Today is the day that I celebrate all of the amazingness that you contributed to blogland this week. Yesterday was a strange day. I had something like two ideas at the beginning of the day. By the end of the day, I had a full docket. I know. Life is odd. What am I talking about? You mean you don't know? It is that day again. What day is that you ask? How can you have forgotten? Drum roll please. It is HERE'S TO YOU THURSDAY, of course! The very best day of the blogging week. It is the precursor to the best day of the work week.

Here is what is going down: this is a weekly event. The best (or worst) part is that I am not going to explain why I chose "whatever" footage for each of you. If, you watch your footage and are scratching your head at the end, well that means I didn't do a very good job. However, all is not lost. You can email me at rarichards68@gmail.com and ask me what I was thinking when I chose that particular piece of footage off of youtube and connected it to you. And then I will tell you. Then I will start sending up prayers that I haven't offended the crap out of whoever is on the receiving end of that email....lol. Because, honestly, I will tell you right now... I admire all of you enormously so I really hope that doesn't happen.

Also, this is not an exclusive venture by any means. I hope that you will take the time to watch ALL of the footage because I don't pick bad footage:-) I also hope that you might check out the blog of the person I dedicated the footage to because they are pretty darn awesome. If you haven't figured this out yet... I pick the footage based on something that you've written or something that I've gleaned from your personality. Think on that for a while... If you are having trouble watching the entire video (meaning it is being cut off on one side), click on it a couple of times and it will take you straight over to youtube. If you click on the four squares at the bottom corner of the video, it will enlarge it to fill your screen. The escape key will bring it back to normal size. The back arrow will bring you back to my page.

Now, let's get this PARTY STARTED!!!!

This one is for everyone:




This one is for Cinderita at The Adventures of Cinderita:




This one is for FACING 50 WITH HUMOUUR:




This one is for Christine at A DELIBERATE LIFE:




This one is for Yellow Rose Jasmine at A Yellow Rose of Texas:

Click here. Christmas Vacation Squirrel Scene. Hilarious. Not a Party Game, but very funny.


This one is for Phoenix at Res Ipsa Loquitur:




This one is for Nicole at Destination Unknown:




This one is for Mitzi at Daily Reflection:

F IS FORGING ON

People just don't feel comfortable with anger. Not in themselves. Not in other people. In fact, most people would rather deal with a depressed person than an angry one. However, depression is the very bottom of the emotional scale. There is no place further down. Anger is an improvement. May not seem like it, but it is. Anger is a catalyst that moves people from one stage to the next. At least, it can. Some people just bounce back and forth between anger and depression. They feel uncomfortable with the anger and it doesn't propel them forward. Even blame would be better than moving back to depression. But if they go there, they often get discouraged by well-meaning friends and/or family, and they land right back in the land of depression. Of course, sticking in a place like blame isn't good, either. You have to keep moving to places of compassion and understanding. Blame might feel good for a while, but eventually you gain insight that the person it is hurting is YOU. Emotions propel us out of bad situations if we let them. That is the point. Anger exists for a reason.

I got angry about the way that the woman who my ex-boyfriend cheated on me with contacted me to reestablish contact. She could have just sent me an email saying that she was new to facebook and was glad she found me. She didn't have to mention HIM at all. In fact, since we hadn't had any contact in almost two years it would have almost been like starting over. We could have had a relationship that was completely devoid of him. I could have started thinking about her and not thinking about him at all. Instead, she tells me that she couldn't remember my last name and that she contacted him for my info. She then went to say that they had exchanged numerous hello emails.

So my head spun around a few times. Smoke blew out my ears. I got to relive some of my old anger issues about that relationship with him in general. The nightmare of trying to maintain a friendship with her when everyone was giving me such grief, and it twisted my knickers that she was able to exchange casual email with him after everything that the two of them put me through before, during, and after their affair. So, I was angry.

It was a good angry. Had she left out that information I would not have known that she and he were communicating. That is information I want to know, because I don't want him "in the know" on anything about my life. That helped me to evaluate what kind of friendship I wanted to have with her. Thanks to facebook, you can have all levels of friendship. Had I found out two months from now that she and he were emailing, I would be peeling myself off the ceiling and wanting to yank back everything I said. As it is, there is nothing to yank. We get to have the superficial facebook relationship. I don't tell her anything I wouldn't want her to pass on to HIM. Resolving that puts me right back in my happy place. I sent her a perfectly friendly email. Short, concise, and not very informative. It was perfectly friendly, but not overly friendly. And as Christine put it, I won't have to waste time picking brain crud out of my head every two to three weeks, because I have bent over backwards being nice to someone who doesn't deserve it.

Anger has its place. It is the platform to force you to make a decision. In this case, it was is this person worth my time, my health, more migraines? No. Obviously no.

E IS FOR ENMITY

Yeah, this is me. What? Back so soon? I know. Gone for weeks and then I am here all the time. Well, I am trying to get a handle on my hate issues. Hate issues? What hate issues? You need to step off this blog and read the last one to catch up. I'll wait for you. That would be "And this will make me happy... thanks Christine." I wrote two ~ count them two ~ blogs yesterday after getting worked up after reading Christine's blogs by the same name. I was going to comment on ya'lls comments when my comment got eaten by the black hole that is Blogger, or so I thought. I shrieked. Read the whole mess to my mother. Got up took a shower. Ate lunch. Tried to work out if I was still really pissed. I was. Am. And we are off again. Are you still with me? Good.

You all leave the same loving comments that I like to leave on people's blogs when they are on the verge of losing it, and need a reality check. That is so sweet. Truly. I know that you spend some time really pondering what to say, and trying to find something meaningful that will provide relief for someone in pain. That is awesome. The thing is that I would enjoy throwing rotten tomatoes at Flash's house because he is scum of the earth and I still have migraines. Mostly it is just me beating the drum of life being fair vs unfair. In about 12 hours, I would be over it because no one ever promised us fair. If life were fair, bad things wouldn't happen to good people. Doesn't work like that. Instead, people like my ex-husband are the luckiest bastards alive. I know that if he ever played the lottery he'd win. He is luckier than anyone I know. It isn't "right," but that is just how it is. If I thought he'd spend the money on his kids, I'd encourage him to play. Since I know he'd just spend it on himself, I don't.

I forgave Flash a long time ago. He was just the teacher. Am I a human being who doesn't enjoy just the tiniest bit the idea of Flash getting his comeuppance? Well hell. I admit it. I do. Should the day come that Flash pay for any of his crimes, I can't say that I would shed a tear, and I have to admit that I would probably be doing an internal happy dance. Does that make me a bad person? I don't know. Maybe. It makes me a human being. Certainly.

Christine nailed the point of my blog with her comment. It wasn't about Flash. The whole blog wasn't about Flash. He was superfluous. It was HER. The other woman. This person who had become my friend in the most bizarre situation known to man. She forgets my name and asks Flash so that she contact me. It galled me. I didn't say that she and Flash had communicated by email numerous times exchanging "hellos," but she did add that tidbit in her email to me. How in the hell did she reach a place where they could be that friendly after she was ready to MURDER him? Oh yeah. They verbally kicked it around afterwards in a very ugly way. Same goes for email. Her husband got in on that action. It was all of that hatefulness that led to her and I not being able to maintain any sort of a friendship.



Basically, everyone was throwing around hate and I was determined to be the peaceful port in the storm. Flash even convinced me to forgive him and try again. Well, I did forgive and we did try. That never really worked. I learned that I can forgive but I just don't trust again. Ah. The things we learn about ourselves. So, I did forgive him, but I never loved him again. Let's face it. He had already done some pretty reprehensible things by that point, so there really wasn't much to salvage. My problem was his unwillingness to let go. He was very much like my ex-husband. He just kept at you. Call. Call. Call. Show up. Pretty much "no" is not an answer. Hammer and nail mentality. As I said, in a previous blog, I am forever thankful to the pastor at the church who intervened. He got to take Flash's calls and I stopped opening emails, etc.

However, this is not about Flash. It's about HER. It bugs me that she is friendly with Flash. One email to get my name might have been okay. Did she need to tell me that they were exchanging hellos? She and her husband pulled their marriage out of the fire. Apparently way out of the fire. In a very short period of time they have a very successful business, have moved, and have built a brand new house. It looks very expensive. If I had to guess... at least $250,000. Probably more. She has gone from alcoholic, abusive husband, and a marriage that was on the skids because of her infidelity to Graceland. And she is exchanging hello emails with Flash. And she forgot my name, but she wants to know how I am doing.

HOW AM I FREAKING DOING???? I AM PISSED OFF.



I BEEN THROUGH THE WRINGER FOR TAKING TOO LITTLE THROUGH THE MIDDLE FINGER!

I would say that the song in its entirety sums up my mood, but that lyric says it best.

People in real life, and on here, tell me all the time how nice I am. You know what? Being nice isn't always such a great thing. Sometimes being nice means taking too little through the middle finger. Sometimes being nice means putting other people so much in front of you, and your needs, that it is migraine-inducing. It is not healthy. There is a point when the healthy thing is to tell someone to fuck off. You have caused enough carnage here. Go do damage somewhere else. That is actually healthy. It may not be nice, but it is healthy. You gotta love it when you can use the fuck word and it is totally the right thing to do. So open your ears kids, sometimes saying fuck is just what the doctor ordered. Screw your parents and their rules about cursing. If you don't believe me or Eminem, pull out one of my old 80s favorites, The Violent Femmes, and spin KISS OFF. That should set you straight. It didn't work for me, but you have this blog, plus Eminem working for you. And this bit of wisdom from Christine on how to handle HER:

Sometimes we are too precious for our own good.
this chick and you had one thing in common. You both slept with the same dude..and whether she owed you anything or not, she still messed around with a dude in a relationship. Then she screwed around on her husband. she doesn't sound like good friend material, relationship material or quite frankly, good people material.
serial skank would be a more apt description. It's best to leave said skank in the dustbin of history. Come up with a good excuse..you know like the fact that you have serial migraines and are trying to get an important project off the ground and just don't have time to scrape your brain free from crud every two or three weeks...but thanks for thinking of you. lol.
signed
Robin whatevermylastnameisyoustupidskank

Thank you, Christine, Eminem, The Violent Femmes, and my own middle finger which I have been road testing for the last ten minutes. I do believe that I have a handle on this situation now.


image found here

And this will make me feel happy... thanks Christine.

I don't normally post twice in one day, because my posts aren't short. Christine over at A Deliberate Life just posted "And This Will Make Me Happy!" Her post was related to food. Food = Comfort and if we eat it we will feel better. That feeling better is temporary. Of course, it is. Logically, anyone knows that. I don't have a weight issue. So, what is giving me heartburn about this post? Isn't it awful when we discover things about ourselves that we don't like? We like to sugarcoat them in things that sound good. Rationalization.

*I got an email from Flash's myspace account a couple of weeks ago that I thought was from Flash, but appeared to be from his wife or significant other, or wife, or whoever saying that it was over. I posted about this. I expressed no shock. I didn't post that it gave my heart a little extra dose of happy. That isn't nice. Who revels in someone else's misery? So what that he caused me tons of misery? So what that he set back my recovery years? That is NOT taking the moral high ground. "And this will make me feel happy...."

*I know this might seem odd, but I became friends with the girl that Flash cheated on me with back in the day. It sort of became a necessity. We talked all of the time. It was a constant comparison of notes. Sharing of evidence. We talked daily for months. Yeah, it takes a long time to pin a cheater to the wall. It turns out that she and I had a lot in common. More than Flash and I, as it turns out. Life is a weird thing. After the whole thing with Flash was said and done we missed talking to each other. Like I said, life is a strange beast. So, we still talked. "And this will make me feel happy..."

*Turns out that she cheated on her husband to be with Flash. Yeah, she paid a lot for that indiscretion. And it caused a lot of pain in her household. Her husband is an alcoholic and the fallout just kept falling. Eventually, her marriage went all to hell. It got really ugly. We stopped talking. He couldn't understand our connection surpassed Flash. All he could see was the reminder of an affair and it was rubbing his nose in it. So, I wished her well and let go. I didn't think that they would make it. I hoped, but wasn't at all convinced. Maybe not talking to me. "And this will make me feel happy..."

*Yesterday I get a friend request from her on facebook and she is good. Great. Even. Turns out that she and the husband are back together. They were separated and divorcing when last we spoke. It appears that they turned it around. She sent me a message. She made no mention of their problems in the email she sent me. So, I don't know if they fixed them or glossed them over. I know that they moved and started a new business. I also know that she found me by contacting Flash because she couldn't remember my last name. WTH? "And maybe this will make me feel happy..."

*I didn't respond yet to her email because I have no idea what to say. I pride myself on forgiveness. Seriously. I talk and talk and talk about it. I really thought I had gotten there with Flash. However, the idea that SHE couldn't remember my name when WE had a more substantial relationship than she and he ever did and she FORGOT my last name, but remembered his galls me. She had to contact him to contact me. And her husband is suddenly okay with it? WTH? It is not that I don't want her to forgive him because not forgiving sucks your soul. I don't even know what I am saying. I guess I would have liked contacting him to be more distasteful. "And then I'll be happy..."

*And that brought me full circle to wondering if he had created a facebook page. Oh yeah, I had to go there. Sure enough. He did. And nothing is private. It is all out there. Apparently, he and the girl are still together. The question of their marriage is still a question. Not surprising. The fact that he would lie about it on myspace not surprising. Lying about anything doesn't shock me. The only honest thing he says is in his About Me where he opens with saying that he is "defective." He nails that. Of course, there is a lot of quoting of Bible verse to lead the unsuspecting astray. And then he makes a comment on his father's comment of, "I LOVE MY DADDY." This is the same man who cheated on his mother for years, leaving her for a much younger woman when she quit her job, and lost her health insurance. She is now an alcoholic. The man doesn't have an admirable bone in his body. I heard not one kind thing about the man the entire time we were together. And rightly so. I guess when it comes down to the pot and the kettle, what are you going to do? "And then I'll be happy...."

*Now, that we have covered Flash, his philandering father, his alcoholic mother, and the other woman, it all comes back to me. When will I be happy? I have already told myself that he was just the teacher of a lesson. I believe that. If if hadn't been him, it would have been someone else. I signed up for the lesson. Liars and cheaters and lie and cheat. That is what they do. I think of the story of the boy who picked up the baby snake and put it in his pocket. When he pulls it out, it bites him. He gets angry with the snake. There is no point in that. It is in the nature of the snake to bite. The lesson is to stop putting it in your pocket. I know that I can stop visiting Flash's internet sites. I have stayed off them for years at a time. That makes me happy. Not knowing what he is doing makes me happy.

*I suppose the Catch 22 here is, "Can I re-establish a relationship with the other woman without having Flash right there in my subconscious mind and disrupting my life? Or, more importantly, is this rolling around to remind me that I don't have this handle on forgiveness that I thought I had? I forgave her a long time ago. She didn't owe me anything. She hadn't made any made any commitments to me. In fact, I wasn't anything to her when she and Flash did their thing, but Flash was a different story. Right now, the idea of Flash's house getting egged is really funny to me. Or TP'd. Especially if it is by every woman he has screwed over. Or maybe finding someone that he really loves and having them do to him what he has done to other people. I don't think that is the definition of forgiveness. So, that means I have some work to do in the forgiveness department. Dammit. I would really rather just throw rotten tomatoes at his house and be done with it. Because "and then I'll be happy...."

LEGS BACK MAN

Hello blogging world. I promised you your weekly inspirational music post today and *tada* here it is. I still got it all going on, but the world still goes round. I am still sleeping more than I am awake. I am pleased to report that The Powers That Be decided to remove the anvil from my head last night while I was sleeping. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We are back to our regularly scheduled migraine, and I couldn't be happier. That would be the one where I get a little bit of time every day where I can think straight. This would be that window.

I was really having trouble yesterday with my Inspirational To Me song. Otherwise, I would have gone ahead with the post. I did add some music I liked to an already extensive list of youtube action on my favorites. However, nothing really said this is the one. I usually know it when I find it. My warped sense of humor started out my search today by looking for Pat Boone's version of Ozzy's Crazy Train set to Buffy The Vampire Slayer clips. Yeah, that is kind of where I am living. That would have made me laugh... a lot. Surprisingly, no one has used that long with any clips. I am really shocked. I would have thought someone would have had a field day with it. Anyway, people surprise me all of the time, in good and bad ways. So...moving on...

I looked over ~ again ~ everything that I had and still remained unsatisfied. So, I sat and thought about it. I did have this one Tim McGraw song that is new. Tim is doing lots of movies lately. Have you noticed? Not just movies. But good movies. He was in The Blind Side. He is in Country Strong, which I want to see. There are some artists that make me think of other artists. Tim always makes me think of Kenny Chesney. They came out about the same time. Tim came out first. However, Kenny came out not long after, and they are good friends.

That made me think of the first time I saw Kenny Chesney in concert. It was at a fair in Michigan. I didn't even know who he was. He was the first guy on stage. The opener. I was going to a lot of fairs and concerts that summer and he was opening for Sawyer Brown or Alabama. Or maybe Sawyer Brown and Alabama were playing together and he was the opener for both. I just don't remember. It was the mid-90s. I had decent seats. Front row under the covered area. So, I wasn't right up on the stage, but I wasn't cooking in the sun, either. I remember Kenny coming out and playing a few songs and thinking that the kid had talent. He was shy as all get-out, but he had talent. Some woman yelled something off-color to him and he blushed so hard that I could see it from where I was sitting. He was so taken aback that he was completely at a loss for words. He started saying things like, "Well, I don't know about that ma'am." There were a lot of ma'ams thrown in and feet shuffling. His band saved him by starting the next song. I remember nudging my friend and saying, "That is the cutest thing I have ever seen." Yeah, Kenny Chesney was green on the concert circuit. He was still easily flustered and surprised by people. That wears off. Eventually, you become jaded. Nothing anyone does will surprise you. By now, I am sure that he has had so many panties thrown his way that he takes it in stride. Probably throws them to his panty collector and says, "Add them to the pile." I was glad I got to see him before that. When he had no show. No artifice. When he was just a kid hoping to make it doing something he loved.

Well, he made it big-time. He has been Entertainer of the Year so many times now that he is giving Garth Brooks a run for his money. Why? Because he puts on a damn good show. He feels like everyone paid for the ticket and they deserve 110% every time he goes out there. When he rolled through Columbia, SC, back in 2004, a decade later I got to see him again. He wasn't that same kid who blushed at off-color remarks and no one knew who he was. Instead, he was The Main Event. He filled an arena. He came up through the floor with fog and lights and lots of effects. And the race was on. 110%. "Looking back at the moments black and white. I wouldn't change a thing for the worse, for the better."



Kenny and I are a lot alike. I, too, am gone and I ain't back yet. It just isn't quite in the same way. I also wouldn't change any of the things in my past, because I think they all happened for a reason. They were teaching moments, and I needed to learn the lesson. I just needed to sing that song about being not back yet with a little more enthusiasm, and little less bitterness, and that helped. Yeah, I am gone and I ain't back yet. I suppose that maybe we never get back to where we started, and that is a good thing. The point is to move forward. There is no power in the past. Anyway, I will always have a soft spot for Kenny Chesney, and his song OLD BLUE CHAIR will always be one of my favorites. Love, love that song.

Well, now that we have satisfied that Inspirational To Me portion of this blog, let's move on to the 80s and what was rockin' MTV. So many bands in the 80s were pretty. Do you remember that? With that advent of video, prettiness was very important. Of course, Madonna notched up the sexy factor. However, even the boys were wearing make-up and big hair was totally in for everyone in the 80s. My own beloved John Taylor of Duran Duran was a pretty boy. So, what did you do if you weren't pretty? You had to have another hook.

ZZ Top had a car. A red car. With keys that were ZZs. They also had rad guitars and this signature move with their hands. And they disappeared. They also tended to always show up in times of need and be on the side of the underdog. Who doesn't love that? Oh, and there were always very hot girls popping out of the car. (That was the answer to the if you aren't a pretty boy question. People loved ZZ Top videos. The CAR and what might pop out of it any given time was FASCINATING!!!)





See what I mean? If you don't believe me. There are more ZZTop vids to watch. Gotta love that car. Those keys. The arm move. And the disappearing men. How do they get that many people in that car???? Awesome. Freaking awesome. This is the kind of thing that teenagers can think about for hours on end. Way to go guys!!!! I have said it before, but I will say it again. I miss my MTV.

D IS FOR DIARRHEA

This is going to be short. Very short. I am not dead. I am also not doing inspirational song day today. Tomorrow. I will do it tomorrow. I have the 80s music picked out.

I am still sick with the unending cold. And my migraine is giving it ia run for it it's money in what will make me more miserable faster. Yeah, it is THAT kind of day. Think of a spike being drilled through your head through your right eye and into your temple and then have someone pound on it repeatedly. That is where I am living today. Not a big happy place. Offset that with blowing your nose every thirty seconds and voila. Welcome to my world. I also still have the unending bacterial stomach thing that sends me running for the toilet constantly. It is just sunshine and roses here. I was hoping that since I delivered that sample on Tuesday I might not suffer through the weekend with that shit. Pun intended. No such luck.

I will say that the sample delivery was the only bright spot of my entire week. I happened to have a sample kit from a previous incident back in February when antibiotics killed all of the good bacteria in my stomach. Couldn't figure that one out. Never had diarrhea before that just wouldn't quit. If talking about poop is TMI for you, turn back now, this isn't the blog for you. Anyway, I was at the doctor's office anyway when this came up and we figured out that it was caused by an antibiotic. I really wanted to try taking a round of probiotic, but I had her write a Rx for flagyl, which usually kills the bad bacteria in the event that the probiotic didn't work. The probiotic didn't work. I took the flagyl. Problem solved. However, she gave me a catch kit in case I needed to bring back a sample to have it cultured. I kept the kit. Fast forward to now. I use the catch kit and send her an email that I am bringing in the sample.

I get to her office on Tuesday and ask for her nurse when I get to reception. The girl checked to see if she was there. She confirmed she was there, and then said, "No." She didn't ask why I wanted to see her. Just no. I hate that. So... I pull out my stool sample which is in the proper container and sealed in a bio hazard bag and start talking.

"Well, I wanted to give her this stool sample." Naturally, I didn't lower my voice at all. And she went green. It was beautiful. "I wasn't sure how long the sample would be viable. I took it at noon and it is 3:00 now, but I don't want to just drop it at the lab if it isn't any good." She started rolling back on her chair like it might jump out of the bag and splat all over her.

"Let me find Susan." That is my doctor's nurse. As I said, it was a thing of beauty. It is amazing the power that poop and puke have. Those two things motivate people like nothing else. You whip those things out and people scurry into action. I didn't get to see Susan, but she came back with another bio hazard bag for my sample and she said that Susan told her to take it to the lab. This scenario would be giving me warm fuzzies right now if I had RESULTS. Instead, I still have diarrhea. So, unless I get something Monday I may be trotting back in there with more poop in a plain old ziploc and seeing what happens. Enough is enough. They won't let me talk to the lab, no one returns my phone calls. Poop gets action. Well, I can show them some poop. I love my doctor, but I freaking hate bureaucracy.

You would think that they would know better than to mess with the sick people. Huh.

To answer the question on your mind. Yes, right now insanity is reigning. By Monday, two more days of crazy will have come and gone. I really hope that they call me, take my calls, return my email, something. I do have one more bio hazard bag. A ziploc, a bio hazard bag, and that catch thing. That's really all you need. I might go in my pajamas next time. Let them know I really mean business.

HERE'S TO YOU THURSDAY

Today is the day that I celebrate all of the amazingness that you contributed to blogland this week. Sadly, I have not kept up with all of the amazingness that you have poured into blogland this week. I have slept through most of it. I have poked my head in here and there, but I haven't read nearly enough to do a decent job out of a Thursday post. So, this will be a mishmash. Some dedications and some stuff for everyone. We are doing something VERY different. On that note... it is that day again. What day is that you ask? How can you have forgotten? Drum roll please. It is HERE'S TO YOU THURSDAY, of course! The very best day of the blogging week. It is the precursor to the best day of the work week.

Here is what is going down: this is a weekly event. The best (or worst) part is that I am not going to explain why I chose "whatever" footage for each of you. If, you watch your footage and are scratching your head at the end, well that means I didn't do a very good job. However, all is not lost. You can email me at rarichards68@gmail.com and ask me what I was thinking when I chose that particular piece of footage off of youtube and connected it to you. And then I will tell you. Then I will start sending up prayers that I haven't offended the crap out of whoever is on the receiving end of that email....lol. Because, honestly, I will tell you right now... I admire all of you enormously so I really hope that doesn't happen.

Also, this is not an exclusive venture by any means. I hope that you will take the time to watch ALL of the footage because I don't pick bad footage:-) I also hope that you might check out the blog of the person I dedicated the footage to because they are pretty darn awesome. If you haven't figured this out yet... I pick the footage based on something that you've written or something that I've gleaned from your personality. Think on that for a while... If you are having trouble watching the entire video (meaning it is being cut off on one side), click on it a couple of times and it will take you straight over to youtube. If you click on the four squares at the bottom corner of the video, it will enlarge it to fill your screen. The escape key will bring it back to normal size. The back arrow will bring you back to my page.

Now, let's get this PARTY STARTED!!!!

This one is for everyone:




This one is for Lira The Struggling Actress:




This one is for everyone:




This one is for FACING 50 WITH HUMOUR:




This one is for everyone:




This one is for Sharon at Musings of A Mercurial Woman:




This one is for everyone:




This one is for Shoes at Red Shoe's Chronicles: