D IS FOR DIARRHEA

This is going to be short. Very short. I am not dead. I am also not doing inspirational song day today. Tomorrow. I will do it tomorrow. I have the 80s music picked out.

I am still sick with the unending cold. And my migraine is giving it ia run for it it's money in what will make me more miserable faster. Yeah, it is THAT kind of day. Think of a spike being drilled through your head through your right eye and into your temple and then have someone pound on it repeatedly. That is where I am living today. Not a big happy place. Offset that with blowing your nose every thirty seconds and voila. Welcome to my world. I also still have the unending bacterial stomach thing that sends me running for the toilet constantly. It is just sunshine and roses here. I was hoping that since I delivered that sample on Tuesday I might not suffer through the weekend with that shit. Pun intended. No such luck.

I will say that the sample delivery was the only bright spot of my entire week. I happened to have a sample kit from a previous incident back in February when antibiotics killed all of the good bacteria in my stomach. Couldn't figure that one out. Never had diarrhea before that just wouldn't quit. If talking about poop is TMI for you, turn back now, this isn't the blog for you. Anyway, I was at the doctor's office anyway when this came up and we figured out that it was caused by an antibiotic. I really wanted to try taking a round of probiotic, but I had her write a Rx for flagyl, which usually kills the bad bacteria in the event that the probiotic didn't work. The probiotic didn't work. I took the flagyl. Problem solved. However, she gave me a catch kit in case I needed to bring back a sample to have it cultured. I kept the kit. Fast forward to now. I use the catch kit and send her an email that I am bringing in the sample.

I get to her office on Tuesday and ask for her nurse when I get to reception. The girl checked to see if she was there. She confirmed she was there, and then said, "No." She didn't ask why I wanted to see her. Just no. I hate that. So... I pull out my stool sample which is in the proper container and sealed in a bio hazard bag and start talking.

"Well, I wanted to give her this stool sample." Naturally, I didn't lower my voice at all. And she went green. It was beautiful. "I wasn't sure how long the sample would be viable. I took it at noon and it is 3:00 now, but I don't want to just drop it at the lab if it isn't any good." She started rolling back on her chair like it might jump out of the bag and splat all over her.

"Let me find Susan." That is my doctor's nurse. As I said, it was a thing of beauty. It is amazing the power that poop and puke have. Those two things motivate people like nothing else. You whip those things out and people scurry into action. I didn't get to see Susan, but she came back with another bio hazard bag for my sample and she said that Susan told her to take it to the lab. This scenario would be giving me warm fuzzies right now if I had RESULTS. Instead, I still have diarrhea. So, unless I get something Monday I may be trotting back in there with more poop in a plain old ziploc and seeing what happens. Enough is enough. They won't let me talk to the lab, no one returns my phone calls. Poop gets action. Well, I can show them some poop. I love my doctor, but I freaking hate bureaucracy.

You would think that they would know better than to mess with the sick people. Huh.

To answer the question on your mind. Yes, right now insanity is reigning. By Monday, two more days of crazy will have come and gone. I really hope that they call me, take my calls, return my email, something. I do have one more bio hazard bag. A ziploc, a bio hazard bag, and that catch thing. That's really all you need. I might go in my pajamas next time. Let them know I really mean business.