Directionally Challenged (Smarty-Pants Terminology for Lost)

Funny thing happened on the way to this blog....

As I began working on it, a HERE'S TO YOU post began to take shape. I kid you not. So, I stopped doing THIS and started doing THAT. Which means saving videos to Favorites. Thinking about your posts. I think my psychic link is somewhat broken. Or flickering. Used to be that I'd read one of your posts and *voila* I'd just know the footage to go with it. Now, it happens sometimes, and I've been prone to linking you to the footage since a HERE'S TO YOU hasn't actually happened in a very long time. So, be on the lookout for a HERE'S TO YOU... maybe Friday.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you about a few things going on here. Last night I was so tired. Just drained really. I went to bed before 7pm. Right after dinner. This from the girl who often can't sleep at night. Anyway, I woke up rather a lot, but didn't get up until 9:00am or so. Can we say TIRED? Anyway, in the middle of the night I had this dream about my dad.

Me and My Dad

Honestly, I always love when my dad makes an appearance in my dreams. He was driving a van or minivan. I was in the backseat. He says something like, "Uh oh. I think I made a wrong turn. I just got off the interstate and now I'm not sure I can get back on." To which, I climb into the passenger seat, reach under the dash, and say, "No worries. I've got a GPS. We'll just plug it in."

And then I woke up.

For the record: NOT ME

Now, that is funny because I used to have literal panic attacks when I'd get lost. (Not anymore, but it was seriously an ISSUE for me.) I was thinking about this dream (again) in the shower (aka The Think Tank) trying to decipher the ins and outs of it. When my dad comes to talk, it MEANS something. Finally, I decided that he was representing my mom in this dream. It feels like she's driving "our" car and has taken a very bad wrong turn. Rather, many wrong turns. In the dream I wasn't worried because I had the GPS, the fix, the way out. In real life, I stay knotted up all the time because she won't accept my GPS, my fix, or my way out.

So what is Dad trying to tell me? Get out of the car? Force the GPS on her? Or just remain peaceful and centered inside because I will not get lost no matter how many wrong turns she makes? It feels terrible, but it will be okay.

So, what was I doing on YouTube?

Well, I'm still trying to take you on the Train tour. This was a band that was also in need of some GPS. I think I can safely say they felt directionally challenged after the failure of For Me, It's You (2005). So much so that the band went on "hiatus" and Pat Monahan recorded a solo album, Last of Seven, in 2007. So, now several years have passed; it's now 2009. That's a long time and many people thought Train was dead after For Me, It's You. Then they release Save Me, San Francisco.

Pat said this about this amazing come-back of an album:

"(It was), 'Let's just make this record from our hearts and not worry about the rest. Let's just do this because we love it.' When we started go from that angle, it made us make better music and write better songs, feel better about things. Before anyone heard the record we felt like we were successful. And for maybe the first time in our careers, we stopped trying to write hit songs and were coming from a place of love."

I've made the statement that I hold fast to regarding the song by same name as the album (in this case, Save Me, San Francisco) as embodying the "feel" of the album. As someone who feels like I could use some direction or a "save," this song is keeping time with my life.



Train wouldn't know it at the time this album was recorded, but it was a LONG time before they recorded the next. California 37 was still quite a few years off. So, they lived on this album (and this album tour) for years. So, I'm going to stretch this album out a bit. But, always keep in the back of your mind that every song on this album is a search for their sound. Their selves. Their independence and their interdependence. So many of the things we all spend much of our own lives seeking. Heck, I'm still looking.

Where do I end and my mother begin? At what point do her problems become my problems and vice versa? We can't navigate this life without affecting the people around us. Sometimes we're being saved and sometimes we're saving and sometimes we're just working on our swimming skills. But, let's face it, we're never standing still. And, as FAE, said so eloquently in the comments of my last post: "Whenever I'm blue thinking how someone, especially someone important, disappointed me; I think of all the possible disappointment I've caused others, by simply being myself." Did that feel like a sucker punch? Don't look at me. I'm just quoting another brilliant mind!

Have you been high, been low? Have you been yes or oh hell no? What about rock 'n roll and disco? Have you been up, been down? Been lost when someone's not around? What about reggae or calypso? Have you been stop, been go? Have you been yes or oh hell no? Rock 'n roll and disco?

I've definitely been Oh Hell No!

He Turned The Lights On

Anyone who has ever had an "encounter" with a dead friend or relative knows just how soothing that can be to your spirit. I have already blogged here about how my father came to me in dreams after he died. Dreams that were so vivid that I know they were real. So, if he ever wants or needs to reach me, that is one avenue that is always available to him. However, I do believe that he doesn't NEED to reach me. Sometimes, I need him and he feels that... and reaches out.

So, anywhoozle... a bit over a week ago I had this phone conversation with a friend of mine that I actually met through blogging. Another story for another day how that worked out. We hadn't talked in FOREVER and were on the phone for hours. I am NOT going to relay that entire conversation for you. (And there goes that collective sigh of relief... you're welcome.) But, we did talk about how about ten years ago this "strange" thing began to happen to her daughter. Every night after work the light on a specific street would go out just as she went under it and then after she made it through, it would come back on. Anyone familiar with spirit and the way they can use electricity would jump to the conclusion (after it happened repeatedly) that someone in the spirit world was saying, "Hi." So she started talking to who she thought it was. Her mom, and my friend, said that she was always a bit envious and would have liked to have something like that happen to her. A month ago, it did. She and her husband were out walking at dusk.  The lights came on and each time she walked under one it went out and then came back on after she passed by it. Eight lights in all. One night.

I tell you this to prepare you for what happened to me a few nights ago. I had a nightmare. In my mind, the worst kind. The one where you are asleep in your dream and when you "wake up" something scary is happening. In this case, there were intruders in my house. So, in this dream, I do battle with both of them and actually win. Yeah, that should have been the CLUE right there that it was a dream. I think I killed one of the dudes by kicking at his face and snapping his neck back. About the only athletic thing I am excelling at right now is dancing. So, it would have been more reasonable to dance the guy to death. (And that made me think of a video that I would have given to someone else in HERE'S TO YOU if I were reading their blog. You will find it at the end. I don't want to disturb the Flow I have going here.)

So, after knocking out both of these people, what did I do? I ran for my cell phone which is by my computer. Yeah, that is actually where it was and I knew it even in my subconscious. I dialed 911 and tell them I am IN THE MIDDLE of a home invasion. I needed help now. And then the operator asked for my address and I gave her my old address from back in 2009. Wrong. I tred again. I gave her the Georgia address we just left. Wrong. I trid again. I gave her my really old Georgia address from the early 2000s. I COULDN'T REMEMBER MY ADDRESS.

And that is when I woke up sweating and panting and scared. I jumped out of bed, toured the house, noticed the dog sound asleep in her dog bed, the alarm set, and went back to bed. And then I spent five minutes saying my current address out loud to the ceiling. After I felt I knew it sufficiently, I rolled over, but worried that I was going to fall right back into that dream. So, I spent more time lying there heart pounding in a state of anxiety. Then this bright light flashed so bright I could see it with my eyes closed. I sat straight up in bed. Lights off. But, I knew they were just on. Power surge? my scrambled brain wondered.

I lied back down and stared at the ceiling. Waiting. A minute later every light flashed in my room and went out again. I was having difficulty with the power surge explanation, but am still without a clue. I attribute this to being soundly asleep, then horribly afraid, and then ticked off at myself.

A minute after that my night stand light came on and stayed on.

And that was when I knew that it was my dad. He was turning the lights on for me. He was saying it was all fine. I wasn't alone. I was safe. I could go back to sleep.

Or he was saying I needed to get up and go check on my mother. So, I jumped out of bed, threw open my door, ran to her room, and stood over her while she slept watching her breathe in and out. Yeah, she was fine. My dog ran circles around me this time, sure that she was going to eat at 3am. No such luck for her.

I went back to bed, turned out the light, and thanked my dad for his comfort. And this time when I rolled over, I went right back to sleep and not into that nightmare.

I told you the story about my friend to give this one context. I don't think my dad would have chosen lights until I heard that story. It is somewhat frightening to have your lights come on "all by themselves." Until you understand that spirit uses lights to let us know that they are there. And then it isn't scary anymore. Once I understood that, lights became one more way for my dad to reach me.

Now, here is the HERE'S TO ME that I mentioned above. Enjoy....



Have any of your dead loved ones ever manipulated electricity to let you know that they were watching out for you? If they do after you read this post, please let me know about it!

Easing Into Father's Day

I miss my dad all of the time.  Days like today merely amplify the feeling.

I know that he is looking over my shoulder.  I know that he knows precisely what is going on in my life.  I know that he is goes to all of my doctor appointments and is nodding in approval at the direction my path for wellness has taken.  Each time I meet someone and learn something new, or read something that turns me onto eating better, living better, putting my body into balance, I know my dad is there.  He may have even orchestrated it somehow.

As an aside: have you ever noticed that when you get on a path of learning about something that more and more information continues to come to you on this topic?  I would say that God understands that you are finally in a place to receive, so it comes at you from every which way.  It is a wondrous thing when it happens.  It is the reason we must never give up and always continue to search for a better way or an answer.  If you continue to search, you will eventually land in that place where you will receive!  Maybe you just have to do a lot of living and try a lot of Wrong Things so that the information you get will make sense.  For some of us, that may take longer than for others of us....

My friend JJ The Disconnected Writer has talked about balance and being in balance for the Longest Time.  I think my dad understood that, though he never spoke in those terms.  My dad was way ahead of his time in terms of understanding that the body became ill due to deficits.  If a person wasn't getting enough of a vitamin, or necessary mineral, than the body couldn't sustain itself and became ill.  A good diet was the foundation.  However, some people were so lacking from poor nutrition that a good diet needed the help of supplements to get back on track.  My dad read and read and read about this sort of thing for the last forty years.  And he talked about what he read.  I know that he felt like he spoke mostly to brick walls.  People don't want to eat healthy, won't believe that eating organic is better, and don't want to quit the Junk Food in favor of the healthy stuff.  And they don't believe that their ailments can be cured by anything other than a Rx.  Plus, they won't take anything unless their medical doctor prescribes it.  Period. 

My dad was a Big Believer in taking care of your own health.  No one will care more about your health than You.  Your doctor certainly isn't going to care about it more than you will.   My current doctor might not care about my health more than I do, BUT she believes in a natural path to getting better just like my dad.  She believes that once your body is restored to its natural state of balance everything will function as it should.  I think that is what my friend JJ has been trying to say for a long time, too.  I have simply been so far out of balance that the concept has been difficult to grasp.  However, I feel myself becoming more aligned all of the time.  What once seemed impossible, now seems possible.

All of the books on natural medicine say that the body wants to restore itself to it's natural state of wellness.  Being in a state of dis-ease is simply not natural.  The body's natural state is one of ease.

From a purely selfish point of view, I wish you were here dad when I reached that state of ease again.  However, I know that you will know, and be celebrating where you are.  Maybe we can meet up in my dreams and have a nice chat about it.