I don't actually have much for a "real" post. I am still posting regularly on my other blog, TV Junction Function. If you haven't checked that out, I encourage you to do so.
Elizabeth Seckman told me how to send my WiP to my kindle. Oh my goodness. If you aren't doing this, it will change your life. It is so much easier to read on the kindle vs the computer. I just highlight and make notes. Turns out, I am not a big fan of commas when I write. I am finding "lack of commas" all over the place. Plus spacing issues. Plus, a few sentences that need changing. And one plot thread that needed some overhauling. I finished reading today, and there were close to 400 notes (highlights).
Have you ever noticed that when you send a thought out into the universe, the universe often makes that thought manifest in some way? This is my way of (gently) suggesting that you be careful regarding what you put out there. For instance, a little over a week ago, I said this to my mother: "I am so glad that my ex-husband met his girlfriend. I hated how he called me to unload all of his personal business regarding the relationships prior to her, so this one must be going well. It has been almost two years of hearing Nothing from him, except when he wants to tell me something about the kids (his kids)."
She agreed.
I kid you not... less than two days later he called me. Why? To unload on me about all of the drama going on his relationship. (He is a drama magnet. And where it isn't, I am pretty sure he creates it.) I sat there stunned, while he let loose. And then I thought, "Man, I hope they work this out for the sake of the kids, but also for the sake of ME. I don't want to hear about this crapola any longer." But I said Nothing.
Not long after that, my wonderful blogger friend, Jasmine, called me on the phone to share some exciting news going on in her life. She also said, "Remember how when we were talking and you (that would be me) said that you keep getting the same lessons over and over until you conquer them? Or learn what the lesson is trying to teach you?"
I said, " I remember it vividly."
She said, "Well, I forgot until I got the same lesson in another form. I really thought I was past it."
Yep. I knew just what she meant. I thought I was past getting those crazy phone calls from my ex. And then, there he was. It now occurs to me that my lesson PROBABLY is that people will dump their junk on you until you tell them to quit. And that means that I will probably get it again. Maybe from the ex. Maybe from someone else. It will keep happening until I say, "I really don't want to hear your drama."
Ah, lessons.
Before I started writing, I had NO IDEA where this blog post was going. Then I threw it all out into the universe. That guarantees that someone is going to dump on me. Again. Like I said, be careful what you put into the universe. It will manifest in some way....
Be careful what you say as you might speak it into existence.
ReplyDeleteTell him.
God works with me in much the same way. He makes sure you're paying attention.
ReplyDeleteIt is weird how it seems to work that way sometimes, isn't it? But yes, people will dump all their junk on you, especially if you're a good listener. Your ex shouldn't be burdening you with that stuff, though. It's good to stay friends with exes, but I can't imagine what it must be like listening to all their personal relationship business. (Unless you're mostly just listening with relief that you don't have to deal with that anymore!)
ReplyDeleteYou really need to tell him no more calls. You're too nice. I should give you some 'meanie' lessons.
ReplyDeleteI didn't expect that result of the band battle.
Hubs called this selecting that thread of possibility. Be careful, I am now.
ReplyDeleteAlex ~ The spoken word is so darn powerful. (Maybe that is why we pray out loud so often????) However, the written word also carries weight. The power of words. Be careful. Very, very careful. Yes, I will tell him if/when it happens again.
ReplyDeleteCW ~ I completely agree.
Stephanie ~ Since all I do is listen, I bet he thinks I am a great listener! Ha! Meanwhile, my relief wheel is spinning like crazy... yeah, I am so happy that I am not in that world any longer.
Susan ~ I wish there were such a thing as "meanie" lessons. The closest I have gotten is therapy.
D.G. ~ Selecting a thread of possibility... I love that.
Missed the battle - love Patsy Cline and the song. I'm hoping "he" will call and say, "let's go out for dinner," cause I don't want to cook tonight. Will that work - somebody?
ReplyDeleteGod used words to make the universe. They have power! Isn't that kindle reading awesome! And seeing my name there made me feel all smart and such.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe you found that much wrong. I'm horrible with commas. I have to l leave those to the editor!
Hi, Robin,
ReplyDeleteIt happens to me all the time. I've been putting stuff out there and it's coming back, but a lot of it in a good way. Prayer is powerful. Many people I know right now have family member who are sick or have cancer. Almost daily I've been visiting my favorite shrine of a Saint I had just learned about a year or so ago. It's working. The people I have been praying for are healing. YAY!
I just hope it continues. I've been putting other things out there to that may happen. Here's to praying and positive thinking. I hope to spread some good news soon....
Take care of yourself. I hope your migraines are under control.
If it burdens you, you're well within your boundaries to tell him and be done with it. Then you can say, 'That's over and done with,' and speak it into existence too. :)
ReplyDeleteI haven't spoken to my previous wife for about 16 years and that's fine with me. We have been in proximity at certain events in the past because they had to do with our kids, but we basically ignored each other I've come to the conclusion that she is a toxic individual. Our kids seem to concur though they still basically have to deal with her on a regular basis since she's their mother and they respect that.
ReplyDeleteIt's weird how things can align. I've often thought of something that eventually happens. I'm not sure if we somehow will these things to happen or maybe sense that they are going to happen which leads us to think about them. I think your thought about things manifesting themselves has a lot of truth to it.
Kelly was the best to my ears, but the Coma Girls were okay. Maybe we should start calling you "Comma Girl"?
Lee
Tossing It Out
Figuring out how to upload a manuscript to my Kindle was the first thing I did upon opening the box of my very first Kindle. Before I even ordered a book. It was the reason I finally broke down and got one. I depend on it. But sadly, when my last Kindle died I switched to a Paperwhite, and making notes on a Paperwhite (and reading them later) is not as convenient. :(
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, you have to be careful what you summon into existence just by saying you don't expect it ...
I bought the kindle after donating approx. 70% of my books to to the library before we moved. That left me with two bookshelves of books, a drawer of books, and more books in totes in my closet. Yeah, still too many. So, I knew that buying more "real" books wasn't a good idea, but what is a book lover to do? The kindle was the best answer.
DeleteThe fact that I can now read/edit my novel on it. Yay! That is wonderful. If mine ever dies I won't get the paperwhite (thanks for that heads up)!
Tell me about it...
Dixie ~ We no longer live in the same state, so that will not happen. It's one of the things I love best about Florida:) Just kidding. In all seriousness, moving here helped enormously with cutting ties. It also made it harder for me to connect with the kids. So there were good and bad things that resulted.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth ~ I always gasp when I read my name on someone else's blog... Particularly if I am not expecting it. I bet you had no idea you changed my life in such a positive way!
Michael ~ I do believe the spoken word is extremely powerful. Keep praying and thinking about the things you want in your life. I do believe they will manifest.
Karen ~ I think that sometimes it's all about how we say something. There are two sides to every desire/idea. We can think we are being positive by saying, "I really don't want to be sick anymore. Please take away this sickness." And yet, we remain sick. Sub in poor, old car, house in disrepair, etc. for whatever is the problem. But, by asking for something to NOT be this way... the focus is still on the sickness or poverty or old car or house needing repair. And that is what will manifest: more of what you talked about. It's difficult to remember to speak your words as you want them. I want good health. I want abundance. I want a car that runs well. I want a functioning house. We must stay on the positive side of the dilemma.
Rosey ~ Well... look at you pointing out the thing I missed... but shouldn't have. This is another darn boundary issue. Seems like every person-problem I have comes back to Boundaries. (the lack of boundaries) Thank you for pointing this out.
Arlee ~ I like to think that for the last few years my ex and I reached a place where he wasn't pushing my boundaries (thank you again, Rosey) and only called me with Important Stuff. Prior to that... OMG... it was a nightmare of my own making. I didn't tell him to QUIT. Quit telling me all of your junk. Quit believing that we are best buddies (we divorced for a reason). Quit telling all of your girlfriends that I am still uber-important in your life and they better like it or lump it (because I am NOT saying that to anyone I date.) Just Quit. In the beginning, he held the keys to my relationship with the kids and Iived in terror of doing, saying anything that might cause him to sever it. I Ioved those kids like they were mine and he took full advantage. Eventually, I changed. I saw that it would be okay if I just lived my life. I learned to say "No" when he asked me to do stuff. There was a great deal of growing on my part and I thought I learned it all. And then this... ha!
I don't know which theory of yours is right... only that it seems to happen... a lot.
Comma Girl. That is funny.
When I was in high school a student was killed in a care accident during his senior year. In the yearbook, each senior's picture was accompanied by a quote. They chose for him, "The unspoken word never does harm." I've always remembered that.
ReplyDeleteI laughed at your comma shortage. I have the opposite problem. An English professor once asked me if I wrote without commas and then went back and sprinkled them all over the page.
I think we'd all be better off if we listened more and spoke less.
DeleteI cannot believe how many commas I left out. I found one today that didn't belong. How crazy is that???
I hate commas, too. Like Elizabeth I leave that to my editor to fix. ;) Sometime you should tell us how to send our WIP to Kindle, because I would love to try this. I'm sorry I missed your Battle of the Bands post, but I bet my vote would've gone to Kelly anyway.
ReplyDeleteChrys, I will make a point of sharing this in a blog post, BUT it is so easy. All you need to know is your kindle email address (you can find it in settings on your amazon account). Email your WiP to that address and voila.
DeleteListening is rare to find in a person and you have that gift or curse. It is all in how one looks at it. I am friends with my ex and I think it is great but if he was only calling me to vent about his girlfriends, never asking about how I was or offering some other communication, I would find a way to let him know but not through anger. Anger never helps and one loses control when one gets angry. Find your strength and find how you may speak to others when you inform them about something you are not pleased about. Glad Kelly Clarkson won:)
ReplyDeleteThere was a time when telling him I didn't want to hear about it would have created a whole "thing." Now, I think he might be a bit calmer and say, "Oh, I didn't realize." And then quit. Either way, nothing will happen until I say something. And I am not afraid of bad reactions any longer... big progress here!
DeleteGreat Battle of The Bands last week! I'm addicted to commas, and have been trying to cut down. Sorry your ex is over-sharing with you. If he doesn't accept your subtle hints, I would tell him what you want to keep off limits.
ReplyDeleteJulie
Addicted to commas... well, there are worse things!
DeleteMy ex doesn't do subtle. It will have to be overt and direct.
I enjoyed your BOTB post last time, Robin! I was pleasantly surprised by Kelly Clarkson.
ReplyDeleteI think being a good listener is a wonderful gift, but you also have the complete right AND the ability to decide who you give that gift to. An EX-husband has no right to expect you to offer him the intimacy of listening to him unburden his emotions. There is nothing in your divorce decree that requires you to have to endure those kind of exchanges. And there is nothing wrong with politely, but resolutely, telling him so.
A friendly but firm, "I'm sorry, but I have to go now. I hope you can work it out. Take care!" can end the conversation. If not, a "click" from you hanging up the phone works, too.
Best of luck to you!
Your comment made me laugh. Would you believe that before my ex I NEVER hung up on anyone (and that includes telemarketers). I didn't always answer the phone after the glorious invention of Caller ID, but that is another story. And then I met and married my ex. I remember being shocked the first time he hung up on me.
DeleteThe next time he went on one of his tirades, I returned the favor and hung up on him. It was so darn freeing I nearly sang. After that, it was like the dam let loose. I couldn't tell you how many times I hung up on him while we were married. I usually prefaced it with, "If you can't talk nicely to me than I am hanging up." And he ranted, raved, name-called. And I went "Click."
Now, I will hang up on darn near anyone if they get ugly with me on the phone. Life is just too short. So, I need to tell him how I feel and if he gets ugly... click.
So glad to see Kelly Clarkson take the win on this BATTLE. As I stated in my last comment, I've never been a big fan, but man oh man she really nailed this one. GIAC was definitely a band better left to audio only IMO.
ReplyDeleteRobin: I'm going to check out TV Junction Function. I can't believe I have not done so all these years.
ReplyDeleteYou'll probably have to repeat your mantra to him everytime he calls for a while and when he starts in again, just say I'm hanging up now before he begins. And hang up. Be firm and be consistent. If a few times doesn't get it, don't answer his calls or change your number.
ReplyDeleteSome people thrive on drama, or at least, it seems like they do. They wallow in it, which is fine for them, but not so fine if they keep trying to pull you into the muck and mire with them. You have to pull the curtain down. Show's over. It's time for him to play his drama on somebody else's stage now.
ReplyDeleteSort of like that bumper sticker: Wag More, Bark Less. Maybe you can find a gentle way to tell your ex that you'd appreciate it if he dumped his shite elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteWhen you first began talking about your ex, I thought you were going to say you missed the conversations since you told him not to call. Weird that I thought that, huh, since you didn't indicate it.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know you keep another blog. I kept another one too, for a long time but it was all about health and I did meet some interesting people on it. I gave it up though...... not enought time in a day for me to keep up one blog.
And here I am, late to the party! And a great big ole mention to boot! You're right-it is certainly a surprise anytime we see ourselves mentioned in someone elses blog.
ReplyDeleteBut in a way I'm kind of glad to have gotten to see what other people though of this idea that we discussed back then, before I leave my own comment. It's fascinating. One friend of mine she always tells me to be careful of what I say as she believes my words to have extra power of some kind.
As for my news, it will be coming around soon. There's more to stir in the pot here before the recipe is just right!
FAE ~ Maybe in future BOTB installments, when I know the video is awful (and unavoidable), I will simply INSIST that people not watch it. Of course, there will always some rebel who does... Will it be you???? ;)
ReplyDeleteJJ ~ That surprises me, too. I see you're following now:)
Carol ~ For several years following our divorce, I would have said, "This will be a losing battle. OR it will simply be A battle for him to get it. OR I will have to try something like this repeatedly. He was very hard-headed back then and unwilling to change at all. Now... not hearing from him for such a long period of time (on his personal drama) tells me he has been taking it elsewhere. By his own choice. I bet I will only have to say it once. Let me change that verb to "hope."
Susan ~ You do realize I could take your comment and turn it into a blog post, right? I am so done with the drama. It is migraine-causing. Done. Done. Done.
Marcy ~ I've not seen that bumper sticker, but I like it!!!
Manzi ~ Hahahaha. No. Your psychic powers failed you! I do wish he would let me know (via phone, text, or email) when something Important happens to one of the kids. And I don't even object to the "surface" conversations. I just don't want to hear about the drama between him and his gf.
Jasmine ~ Does it take your breath away? It ALWAYS does mine. Do your words have more power than other people? That I do not know. I think that you might be more aware of what you say and precisely how it then comes back to you. I don't think that Everyone (or the masses) have figured out that this life is really just a series of lessons that we continue to get until they are mastered. So, what I think is that you are just smarter - and more self-aware - than a whole bunch of other people. I can't wait for the news. I might have to call you to get dibs:)
Yeeeeeeah... never fun listening to drama queens (and kings) when they're very possibly the ones creating the drama. :-/
ReplyDeleteI hope he quits it.
Wow, first of all being a "drama king" isn't cool at all. I think he just found himself "open ears". You're too nice I guess. Gotta be careful because when some people figure that out, they can be abusive.
ReplyDelete