I Said It, Then It Happened

Before we get to the "real" post, I promised Battle of the Bands results. Overall, I am pleased with how this battle went down. Patsy Cline's Walkin' After Midnight would be categorized as "country." Girl in A Coma made it a rock song, while Kelly Clarkson turned it into a jazz/blues song. For quite a while, Girl In A Coma was on top of this battle, but then the jazz/blues fans showed up, and that was all she wrote. Kelly Clarkson won with 15 votes. Girl In A Coma ended with 7 votes. So, it was an easy win for KC. My vote goes to Kelly Clarkson, too. I really like the bluesy arrangement, though (so long as I didn't watch the video) Girl In A Coma was pretty darn good.

I don't actually have much for a "real" post. I am still posting regularly on my other blog, TV Junction Function. If you haven't checked that out, I encourage you to do so.

Elizabeth Seckman told me how to send my WiP to my kindle. Oh my goodness. If you aren't doing this, it will change your life. It is so much easier to read on the kindle vs the computer. I just highlight and make notes. Turns out, I am not a big fan of commas when I write. I am finding "lack of commas" all over the place. Plus spacing issues. Plus, a few sentences that need changing. And one plot thread that needed some overhauling. I finished reading today, and there were close to 400 notes (highlights).

Have you ever noticed that when you send a thought out into the universe, the universe often makes that thought manifest in some way? This is my way of (gently) suggesting that you be careful regarding what you put out there. For instance, a little over a week ago, I said this to my mother: "I am so glad that my ex-husband met his girlfriend. I hated how he called me to unload all of his personal business regarding the relationships prior to her, so this one must be going well. It has been almost two years of hearing Nothing from him, except when he wants to tell me something about the kids (his kids)."

She agreed.

I kid you not... less than two days later he called me. Why? To unload on me about all of the drama going on his relationship. (He is a drama magnet. And where it isn't, I am pretty sure he creates it.) I sat there stunned, while he let loose. And then I thought, "Man, I hope they work this out for the sake of the kids, but also for the sake of ME. I don't want to hear about this crapola any longer." But I said Nothing.

Not long after that, my wonderful blogger friend, Jasmine, called me on the phone to share some exciting news going on in her life. She also said, "Remember how when we were talking and you (that would be me) said that you keep getting the same lessons over and over until you conquer them? Or learn what the lesson is trying to teach you?"

I said, " I remember it vividly."

She said, "Well, I forgot until I got the same lesson in another form. I really thought I was past it."

Yep. I knew just what she meant. I thought I was past getting those crazy phone calls from my ex. And then, there he was. It now occurs to me that my lesson PROBABLY is that people will dump their junk on you until you tell them to quit. And that means that I will probably get it again. Maybe from the ex. Maybe from someone else. It will keep happening until I say, "I really don't want to hear your drama."

Ah, lessons.

Before I started writing, I had NO IDEA where this blog post was going. Then I threw it all out into the universe. That guarantees that someone is going to dump on me. Again. Like I said, be careful what you put into the universe. It will manifest in some way....

Timing Is Everything.

Well, I figured out what my post with the "L" should be in my alphabet soup series. Lessons. The trouble there is I can talk about that for a long time. That could be a series of posts all on its own.


I read a post by Corrinne over at Everyday Gyann a week or more ago on lessons. It was actually something she excerpted on lessons. I can't remember it precisely, but the gist of it was that a lesson comes in phases. First is getting that it is a lesson. That still does you really no good if you don't take it further. There was a second point which took it deeper, and I can't remember what that one was, but it still wasn't enough. The only time that you really benefit from the lesson is when you are using the lesson. In other words, you have to apply it in order for the lesson to have benefited you at all. Taking it further yet, you may continue to get the lesson until you apply it. Now, that is fine motivation to get up and start putting it into practice. They call them lessons for a reason: because they are hard. They hurt. They suck. Etc.

Saw the movie Country Strong yesterday. Really good movie. I am always a bit surprised when they cast non-singers in singing roles and it works. Tim McGraw was the only big name country singer, and he didn't sing in the movie. In fact, I looked up the soundtrack and he only sings one duet on there with Gwyneth Paltrow. I was shocked. More on the soundtrack later. For those of you not in the know on this movie. Here is the trailer. Give it a quick watch, so you are up to speed.



Just from watching the trailer, you can already see that the movie is full of potential lessons. One of the best lines going in the trailer: "Don't take someone out of rehab before they're rehabbed." Yep. That would be a lesson. Even a moron can see the potential for disaster there. Fame puts an enormous amount of stress on a person. Pulling someone out of rehab early and immediately throwing them on a tour bus just probably isn't the smartest choice (she says with tongue in cheek).

Here is a short clip from the movie that is one of my favorites and is going to lend itself to where I am going in this blog.



That little clip from the beginning of the movie is how the song Timing Is Everything started to come together. Beau, played by Garrett Hedlund, finished it at the end. Here is the whole song. This is not an official video. Garrett Hedlund doesn't even sing it on the soundtrack. They had Trace Adkins record it for the soundtrack. I suppose that they wanted a "name" for it since it is such a great song. In my opinion, that is a shame, because Garrett Hedlund sings it better. And that is coming from a Trace Adkins fan. Sorry Trace. Here's the video. Listen to the lyrics, because that is the topic for today's yammering.



Timing is everything. "When the stars line up, and you catch a good break, people think you're lucky, but you know it's grace. It can happen so fast or a little bit late. Timing is everything. I know I've had close calls, when it could have been me. I was young when I learned how fragile life can be. I lost friends of mine, I guess it wasn't my time. Timing is everything. And I could have been a child that God took home. And I would have been one more unfinished song. And when it seems the rhyme is hard to find, that's when one comes along just in time. I remember that day when our eyes first met. You ran into the building to get out of the rain, because you were soaking wet. And as I held the door, you wanted to know my name. Timing is everything. And I could have been another minute late. And you never would have crossed my path that day. And when it seems true love is hard to find. That's when love comes along just in time. You can call it fate or destiny. Sometimes it really seems like it's a mystery, because you can be hurt by love or healed by the same. Timing is everything. And it can happen so fast or a little bit late. Timing is everything."

I am one of those people who wants to make things happen once they get the lesson. However, timing is everything. Trying to do too much for me before I really have my migraines under control is akin to pulling someone out of rehab before they are rehabbed. Not smart. However, when you are ready, it can happen so fast... timing is everything. And people will say that you got lucky, but you will know better. But you know it's grace. And timing is everything. You will also know how many hits you took to get to this "lucky place" and are very aware of just how bumpy the ride was, but people don't see that. And the thing that hurt you can be the thing that heals you. Sometimes it really seems like it's a mystery, because you can be hurt by love or healed by the same. Timing is everything. And it can happen so fast or a little bit late. Timing is everything.

I think about starting this blog and all of the people that I have met. Some of you are healthy as horses. Some of you live with chronic pain. Some of you are living your dreams. Some of you are still aspiring to get where you want to go. So, you keep practicing. You have a golden lasso and you keep throwing it out there until you rope in the moon. And it can happen so fast or a little bit late. Timing is everything. Some of you are wanting to meet that someone special. Some of you already have. Some of you have huge goals and have met them. Some of you are in the process of meeting them. Some of you just like to write and this is your personal space to do it. When I started this blog, it was just to keep my sanity. It is still that. But I also got to make a bunch of wonderful friends. And I could have been another minute late. And you never would have crossed my path that day. Timing is everything.




image found at www.weheartit.com

DAY 25: THE WORST OF TIMES

Dear Teachers,

This letter is supposed to go out to a person going through the worst of times. Here's the thing about that: everyone goes through the worst of times at some time. It is you, the teacher, that doles out the pain. Granted, it is we, the student, that signed up for the class. You must understand that sometimes you sign up for a class not knowing how hard it is going to be; in theory, it looks not so bad, but the reality is that it slices you open, and you just don't know how you will ever get through it. I know that there are no takebacks once you sign up for the class; no drop/adds. I get it, but teacher, I have to tell you that sometimes your class is a biotch.

For instance, right now I am aware of several people grieving the loss of beloved family members. One of them is grieving the loss of a child, and the other is grieving the loss of a matriarch. Another family is struggling because they have a child who has a very rare disease. At this point, there is no cure in sight because the disease is so rare. Each day is a struggle that transcends tough time. There are so many families who have children with ADHD. For those families it is a tough time all of the time. Another online friend posted that her husband was laid off from his job and she was very worried. Their belt was already very tight. What were they going to do? Times were already tough.

Insofar as I know, there is an online friend who still hasn't been diagnosed, but has been in unbearable pain for months now. She described it as being on fire. I would call that a tough time. A friend of mine in Florida lost four family members to various death/accidents within the last year, two of them were her children, and now her grandchildren live with her. She has a brain tumor, and worries about who will take care of them when she passes. I consider that a tough time.

My mother's best friend has Parkinson's disease and it is getting worse. She also has cancer. The cancer seems to be getting better, but the Parkinson's is not. She is convinced that her husband and children are conspiring to kill her. For the record, they are not trying to kill her. They love her very much. My mom's other best friend's son also was diagnosed with cancer. He had surgery and is now going through chemo and radiation. The cancer was a very aggressive one and so is the chemo and radiation. His ex-girlfriend is taking him to court to try and take away his business and home since he is in this weakened position. Yeah, she's a prize.

My brother and sister-in-law have remodeled the first floor of their house so that her parents could move in. Her mother is ill and was living in a nursing home. Her father was not doing well living alone. This solved both problems. However, it will make life very different for my brother and sister-in-law. My mom talked to him yesterday. They moved in this past weekend and he was already stressed to the max. I really hope things settle down for them soon.

I know that all of you heard about the miners in Chile who were trapped for months and finally were rescued. All of them were rescued! For a long time they had it really tough, but people refused to give up hope. In fact, people were brought in to solve this problem and those miners were saved. The only thing that gets people through a tough time is hope. That is it. You lose that and you have lost the war. So, when the tough time finds you, and it will find you, hold on to Hope and don't let go.

Me





image pirated from Miss Angie at My So-Called Chaos

WHO IS TENDING YOUR GARDEN?

If you read my blog post about not always getting it right, I've already forgotten the precise title, then you know that my biggest "regret" about MY LIST is all of the repeats. What is that old saying? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I don't know what they say about fool me three, four, and five times. You're an idiot, I suppose. In reality, I think we keep getting the lesson until we learn it. Period. Once it penetrates our thick skull, well then we can move on to the next. And there will be a next. That is the deal. The lessons just keep on coming. That is why we are here. Of course, some of them are good. It isn't all a school of hard knocks, though it may feel that way.


Anyway, as I said, the lesson continues to repeat until it gets learned. My ex was a tough teacher and I got a lot of schooling. Frankly, I thought I learned my lesson. After my divorce, I would jokingly say that he had taught me to see a manipulator from a mile away, and this was just my "training," so that when someone much more handsome, and with money, but with those same "mad skills" came along, I would spy him from a mile away, and run, not walk, to the closest exit. That sounded really clever and funny. Turns out it wasn't true.

I suppose if I hadn't met Right Guy, it might have been true. However, my judgment was upside down, inside out, and I was drowning in a pool of my own misery. So, when a more polished version of my ex came along, I totally didn't recognize him for what he was. He really wasn't more handsome, just more polished, but he was the same animal. However, he came from money, but was down on his luck. I could relate. I was down on my luck, too. He kept telling me he was going to bounce back any day. Until then, he was living with his mother, who was going through a *nasty* divorce. It was one of those stories that just could be twisted up to make sense. Mom needed him. And she did. His mom was a mess. Anyone with eyes could see that. Plus, it was hard to judge, since I was living with my parents. People who live in glass houses and all that....

I am not going to do a relationship breakdown on this thing, because that would get tedious fast. But, there is a *point* when one person goes too far and that is the time to end it. I hit countless points in my marriage and I stayed. When I hit the *point* in this relationship, I tried to end it, and this guy handled it just the way my ex would have. Constant phone calls. Aka harassment. Before it was over, I was the one feeling like the bad person, which was the point of the phone calling. And, this tenuous relationship began again, even though it should have stayed dead. It didn't last because there was no trust. Eventually, we hit a point where I just couldn't go on. However, I knew from past experience, that me simply saying that I wanted out was not sufficient. For some people "no" doesn't register. So, I brought the pastor of our church into the mix. Maybe it was dirty pool, but I needed third party interference. (Does this worry me that another manipulator is waiting around the next corner for me? Yes. Because I still haven't figured out how to shake one of these people all on my own!)


Well, except that I did: I found out what I was doing wrong. You cut off communication completely. You don't answer the phone when they call. You don't respond to the email. Someday, you might be able to do this, but not when you are vulnerable in the beginning. The pastor of the church was great with analogies. I love analogies. He called our lives our gardens. When you're a couple, you combine your gardens. You tend your own garden and your partner's garden. When you decouple, you can't worry about your former partner's garden anymore. It is up to them to take care of it. Taking care of your own garden is all you can do. That was where I always fell down. I spent too much time worrying about their garden, and not enough time worrying about my own. Meanwhile, they were absorbed with their own garden, and spending all of their time trying to get me to focus on it, too. Usually, it worked. Meanwhile, everything in my garden was dying, because no one was paying any attention to it at all.

As I typed the preceding paragraph, it hit me like this tidal wave that the above strategy is precisely the one Right Guy used with me. I don't think he chose it because he saw me as a manipulator. Otherwise, I wouldn't have gotten an "I miss you" email, out of the blue, two years ago. I think he chose it to protect himself from what he saw as a whole lot of heartbreak headed his way, and maybe he saw very clearly that he needed to focus his efforts on tending his own garden. *sigh*

My friend, Sharon, over at Musings of a Mercurial Woman posted today about contentment. And, somehow, that sparked this post about tending your own garden. I suppose, for some people, that could be a real garden. Not for me. I have a brown thumb. I can't quite put my finger on exactly what that means, but I know that it is about who we are, what we believe, what we think is important, who we think is important, and so much more. I really don't have any kind of handle on it at all. The only thing I am pretty sure about is that it is a state of mind. Sharon said it would take her at least a day to figure this puzzle out. You really should read her blog if you haven't already. It is very thought provoking. I am thinking it's going to be several days, if not weeks, or months before I get mine into order. Or maybe it is a process that is in a constant state of evolution. I do believe that once we stop growing, we start to die. So, it's time to start gardening. Destination: contentment.



I got the above picture here.