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| Thank you Alex J. Cavanaugh for starting this amazing group! |
I slept through yesterday (more or less) in that sick-dream-state. When I wasn't sleeping I was still popping Vitamin C and imagining the war in my body. Bacteria=bad guys, Vitamin C=good guys. I can't say for sure, but I think I might come out of this thing without an infection. I still feel like crap. My voice sounds like I am doing a Kermit the Frog impression. And my head is woooozy. And don't get me started on my hair. Just gross. (My shower was calling my name, but so was my computer....)
What does any of that have to do with IWSG? Nothing really. I just wanted you to fully understand that anything I type today is coming out of a person who is not fully alive.
A couple of CPs sent back their suggestions for my WiP. If you read this, and think, "Oh drats. I really need to work on that," the answer is yes and no. I am busily making changes suggested by the fine folks who were speedy, but I am sure that YOUR input will arrive at just the time I am ready to hear it. Each layer of suggestion has improved this little baby of mine. So, here are my thoughts on editing and revising...
- Hearing that you need to make big changes is difficult to digest, but shouldn't be ignored.
- It is better to hear it from a CP when it is fixable than every agent you query in the form of "No."
- If you find that you are "telling" too much, figure out how to work that information into dialogue. Explore different places that it could go. You might be surprised at where it ends up.
- Some of the best things you do become not so great if you do them too often (I love a good simile, but one of my CPs pointed out that too much of a good thing... isn't good anymore).
- Better to use verbs like look, saw, watch (and other "common" verbs that the reader easily reads and understands) than to overuse an unusual one. For instance, I just finished a novel by a best-selling author who used sparked and/or sparks so many times that it pulled me out of the story every time I came across it. Not good. We need to pick and choose our "great" words.
- Use the Find feature to see how many times you use the words "just," "really," "only," "very," and more.
- Read your WiP out loud.
That is all I have on writing for now. And on to Battle of the Bands...
In September, both Arlee Bird and Stephen T. McCarthy used different versions of September Song for their battles. It reminded me that I like my musical choice (when possible) to reflect what is going on. (Yes, that means coming soon will be Christmas music!) I live in Florida (now) and there is only now just the barest hint of fall in the air. The temps are hovering around 80 and dusk is arriving sooner. Those two things are promises of what is to come. My favorite season is on the way. And I better not blink or I will miss it! I love autumn with its gorgeous leaves and cooler temps. I even love that it means saying good-bye to summer (much easier in Florida as an adult than a kid in Ohio) and hello to winter. Despite that it is only here for the briefest of time, I love autumn best of all. Or maybe because it is here for only the briefest of time. Hmm.
So, today's song is about my favorite season. Fall. Autumn.
When I started researching the people who recorded this song... the list was endless! And I am sure that someone (I am looking at you, StMc) will probably tell me that I should have chosen my participants differently;) That is a winky face, if you missed it.
If you like this song, I encourage you (in all that free time you have) to check it out on YouTube.
First up is Nat King Cole with his version of Autumn Leaves:
versus
Eva Cassidy with her version of Autumn Leaves:
For more Battle of the Bands fun, check out the other BOTB bloggers to vote on their battles:
- Far Away Series
- Stephen T. McCarthy's Battle of the Bands Blog
- Tossing it Out
- DiscConnected
- The Creative Outlet of Strat Player
- Mike's Ramblings
- Donna Hole
- Curious as a Cathy
- The Sound of One Hand Typing
- Alex J. Cavanaugh
Now, is the critical moment. It is time to vote for your favorite version of this song. I even encourage you to leave me long comment explaining all the ins and outs of why you voted as you did!
Crap, now you make me want to look for the word spark in my manuscript!
ReplyDeleteSorry you were so sick. Hope all the vitamin C helped.
The second version is very different. But it's so slow and sad. Almost depressing. I have to give it to Nat King Cole.
I would be shocked if you overused the word "sparked." It is a strange word to overuse, and that is why it stands out sooooo badly.
DeleteNo wrong vote here. I like NKC too!
Nat King Cole against anyone will always get my vote. His voice is like butter and cream, so smooth.
ReplyDeleteThe other singer -Eva-is okay, but she gets a bit EMO later in the song. Hope you're feeling better. I do like this song, and autumn is a favorite of mine too. We were in Paris in Autumn and loved it.
Thanks for voting D.G. You are not the only one who loves NKC. Just read the comments after yours!
DeleteParis in Autumn. That sounds lovely.
Hope you overcome the sickies!!! I also really liked your thoughts about how to take critiques and the suggestions you make about improving our WIPs -- great thoughts, Robin!
ReplyDeleteIn this BOTB, I'm again surprised. Like the esteemed Mr. McCarthy has done in his last few BOTBs, you've given me a matchup where my expectations are thrown for a loop. Nat King Cole is an icon and his version of Autumn Leaves is an American classic. Going in, I was sure I would end up choosing his version.
But while it is as timeless as I remember it, I was really struck by the sparse rendition of Eva Cassidy's (although the guitar is recorded a little too hot -- it sounds like it clips a little at times). Her clear, evocative vocals are haunting. She captures the sense of loss and regret in the lyrics in a much more intimate and immediate way than the big string production and precise vocal articulation of Nat King Cole's.
So I'm surprised, like I was when I voted for WIllie Nelson in StevieMac's last BOTB: While I still love Nat King Cole's version, I find myself voting for Eva in this battle.
Great job!
An ex-boyfriend of mine turned me onto Eva Cassidy. I ditched the boy and kept Eva. I really like her acoustic style. She knows how to sing a melancholy song. And you cast the first vote her way. Yay.
DeleteNKC: 2 EC: 1
I expected to vote for the Eva Cassidy version, but found that I like NKC's version better. Probably the fuller arrangement suits me better today.
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better. Otherwise you'll need a Vitamin C twelve step program...
I've slowed down on the C. Did you know that if you take too much it gives you the runs? Not there yet (in case you were wondering), but I really don't need MORE problems. That said, my nose is running constantly. I am so tired of blowing and/or snorting. And the coughing and sneezing. Yikes. I am a whiner.
DeleteI am shocked you didn't vote for Eva, too. Just goes to show that I can't predict these things!
Don't you just have times when you want to slap those CP's upside the head? (Just kidding!) I remember reading comments from a CP and thinking; 'they are just not getting it'. Then, I realized that if they weren't getting it, I wasn't writing it - well enough. Great point about how it's better to hear it from a CP than from agents in the form of NO!
ReplyDeleteI hear ya about felling like carp. I've had what feels like the worst headache ever for a day and a half now. Since my kidneys seem to be on vacation (and nobody knows why) pain meds are off the docket. I've been trying to sleep it off, with no luck. Finally, the doc says it's not a 'real' headache, but a fibro attack - at my head? Are you kidding me? Here's to hoping that my BOTB and the comments I leave are coherent and legible (the fine motor skills are not at their peak).
OK, now enough of my whining. BOTB - Two really nice version of a great song. Fall is my favorite season also and some of the songs of the time are excellent, but why are they always so meloncholy. I guess it's because the common thought is that fall is an 'ending time'. I think because I've always looked forward to winter (at least at the beginning), I don't really think of it that way. BUT, back to the song.
Eve does a really nice job on this one. I actually liked the sparseness of the accompaniment. At the end she got a little screechy, but overall I enjoyed it fairly well.
Nat King Cole's version, IMO is superb and hard to beat. I love the intro, The sound of those falling leaves (notes) sets me in the mood for everything to follow. To me his voice is like warm maple syrup being poured over some pure vanilla bean ice cream. Totally YUM!
In the end my vote goes to Nat and I'm left wondering if that ice cream with some warm syrup poured over the top would help my headache.
Great song and a purely delicious BATTLE.
Actually, I appreciated all of your comments as a CP. (Yes, I mean that. Even the things you didn't like. In fact, I appreciated those the MOST.)
DeleteWhen I get sick all of my autoimmune issues go into overdrive. And the migraine flares up. And... I had mono way back when, so all of my mono symptoms come back with a vengeance. Did you know that mono is like the chicken pox virus and never leaves the body? So, I will always test positive for it. Bah.
As for whining, I thought I got it out in my comment to LC. Guess not.
I suspected that you'd vote for NKC and am simply happily surprised that you liked Eva's version (at all). That kinda feels like a win:)
I got the same comment about too many similes in my WIP on my first go around of feedback. But I looooooooves them like flowers love rain. :P
ReplyDeleteFeel better!
You made me laugh. I know just what you mean. I would try to simile you back but my brain is fried... you know, like an egg.
DeleteYep, I know that 'migrainey' feeling and know it's the worse. Hope you're feeling better and that the Vitamin C helped.
ReplyDeleteAs for the songs, I have to give it up for Nat King Cole....you just can't beat his voice. I did like the guitar in Cassidy's version, though.
Oh, and expect an email from me :)
I am still feeling crappy, but thank you for your concern.
DeleteI got you down for NKC!
GIRL WONDER ~
ReplyDeleteExcellent! (And you even chose your participants excellently;-) [Winky Face back atcha!]
The videos alone were a visual treat without even getting into the song. Thanks for that!
'AUTUMN LEAVES' is a gorgeous song - so good that I think it's probably hard to mess it up. Someone would have to deliberately work hard to screw up 'Autumn Leaves'. You can rake 'em and burn 'em, but they're still beautiful.
I loved D.G. Hudson's first two sentences, and I - almost - totally agree. In getting my vote, it IS possible to beat Nat King Cole, but it definitely takes some doing. (In my old 'BOTB' contest over 'Route 66', Van Morrison and Them beat Nat, but it was a close call, and it was mostly about the reckless on-the-road speed of Van and Them in "Road Trip" mode that decided it in their favor.)
NAT KING COLE was my Pa's very favorite singer (and he has used the "King's" music on several occasions to contact me from Heaven). Back when I was a teenager, I couldn't understand how my Pa could like Nat better'n Aerosmith. But today? Ohhhh, I FULLY "get it".
I'm not really familiar with Eva Cassidy although I've encountered the name. (Is she butch? Or related to "Butch"?)
I liked her version too. Maybe a shade too slow for my taste, but still really nice (and I am going to play her again to enjoy that fabulous video that accompanies her version).
Obviously I gotta vote for "The King", but no matter how lopsided the voting may end up (and I do think it will lean heavily toward "The King") you, Robin, should be PROUD of this 'BOTB' blog bit, because it was one of your very best, in my opinion.
Had you put Eva up against someone other than Nat, she would have had a good shot at winning my vote. But "The King" is just damned hard to beat. And I'm glad you went with BOTH of these contestants because it was a pleasure to hear them both.
Good 'Battle", Girl Wonder!
Now mix some Vitamin C in a great big glass of Bourbon and ice and drink it down. It'll make you feel better. (It might not make you well, but it will make you... "feel better".)
~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'
This battle has turned out pretty darn good. I fully expected NKC to beat Eva, but quite a few people really like her version (which is good). I used one of her covers on another battle a while ago (Time After Time). She passed away - very young - a while ago. She has an acoustic sessions album that achieved its best success after she was gone. That always seems so unfair to me. But, that is just how it goes sometimes.
DeleteI did consider using the Sinatra version of this song, but I think he probably would have beat her too. People like what is familiar (most of the time).
So, I chose what I liked...:) And the videos with the leaves... I could watch those all day.
It is so great to get comments from readers, hard as they may be. It forces us to really see our work...and to work harder. Keep plugging, Robin!
ReplyDeleteI thought I was going to make a lot of progress this week. Turns out I don't work that well with my head full of junk. :(
DeleteAh... soon. Thanks for stopping by Liza!
Great comments regarding the feedback you're getting from your CPs. Especially the notion that getting negative comments (i.e. construction criticism) from a CO beats the heck outta getting a rejection from an agent or editor.
ReplyDeleteMan, you sure know how to make the BotB choice a tough one, dontcha? Both of these versions are terrific, but I've gotta go with Nat.
I hope you're feeling a lot better now.
I am GLAD that this was a hard choice. That means it was a good battle, even if NKC is stomping all over Eva.
DeleteOh this house has been sick so I feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteGetting CP advice is hard, but it is so worth it. Some really good tips there.
As far as battle of the bands, I love both but I think I will go with Eva.
Sorry to hear that Brandon! Hope your house is healthy soon.
DeleteWoohoo! Another vote for Eva!
Drink a lot of liquids, it helps too, besides Vitamin C. Sorry you're feeling bad.
ReplyDeleteAbout those useless words, I will recommend to you a book. It's short and it does guide you to get rid of common traps in your manuscript. It is The Word Loss Diet by Rayne Hall. It is also cheap. :)
Dragon Hugs and take care!!
The Word Loss Diet. What a great title! I will look for it. Thanks!
DeleteGreat advice, Robin. I hate when I have to keep referring to a dictionary to get through a book, or even one paragraph.
ReplyDeleteAlso, reading your work out loud can be incredibly helpful.
Eva Cassidy gets my vote. Thanks for introducing her to me. Nothing against Nat, I just fell into a heavenly dreamlike state from the start of her music.
Reading that book reminded me that we must be selective with our great words. I think that is why folks like Twain talk about using the "cheaper" word over the high dollar word given their druthers. We read those and they don't stop us in our tracks.
DeleteSo glad you liked the Eva version. She is gaining in this battle!
aww, I hope you're feeling better soon. I did great on the migraine front for a whole ten days. I was migraine free. Yippie. Worked out great because I was out of town during that time. But, then I got hit when I came back home and was down for two days. Blech.
ReplyDeleteTake care,
Elsie
co-host IWSG
I think vacation equates no stress in our brain. And that makes the migraine go away. Something to think about...
DeleteGreat tips about accepting critiques. And I have to go with Nat the King.
ReplyDeleteGotcha down!
DeleteSorry you were ill but happy to hear you are UP.
ReplyDeleteNat King Cole has always been a favorite for me. Beautiful scenery on both vids but Nat gets my vote.
How's your shoulder? Take care
The exercises you gave me are increasing my mobility. My shoulder still hurts a lot, though. I am hoping that eases up.
DeleteFeel better Robin. I saddens me to hear how your health is... You have such a light and we all see it. Rest. Take some time to heal. Your edits will be waiting for you when you are better. Try not to overdo so much.
ReplyDeleteSending healing vibes your way...
Hugs, too!
Thank you Michael. I accept!
DeleteMy vote goes to Nat King Cole just too hard to beat. I like the sparseness of Eva Cassidy and she has more emotion in the song which I really like, but it is a bit too slow.
ReplyDeleteThanks for voting Mike!
DeleteRobin, I hope you're feeling better by now. Sometimes it takes a couple of weeks for the sniffles and cough to go away. Great Post and Great Advice!!!!
ReplyDeleteI am not sure I can take a couple of weeks of this junk....:(
DeleteI hope you are feeling better Robin! I love how your half-human barely alive state also has a great sense of humor.
ReplyDeleteChanzie @ Mean Who You Are.
Always leave them laughing...
DeleteUgh, being so sick it keeps you in bed is awful. I hope you're back to healthy soon. :)
ReplyDeleteMy vote goes to Nat King Cole on this one. I'm prejudice though, my grandparents loved him and played his records often, so it's a part of my youth. :)
Thanks Rosie!
DeleteA nostalgia vote for NKC... got it!
Sorry to hear about the sickness. Guess I'd rather have my two days at jury duty than to deal with illness.
ReplyDeleteGood points about CP's. A second brain helps to reveal the deficiencies of our own.
I'd thought about using "Autumn Leaves" in one of my battles and now is the time to do it. Good song choice because it is an excellent one. My favorites are the instrumental versions. But let me address your picks.
Eva and the players do a fine job--all very relaxing. Maybe too relaxing, but it is peaceful. The vocal is well executed though a bit heavy on vocal gymnastics. This is a good take on the song.
NKC definitely gets my vote though. I like the lush arrangement and Nat's vocals are hard to beat. He's one of my favorite male vocalists from that era.
Lee
Tossing It Out
Well, I am glad that you liked this song Lee:) And I am sorry I took one of your songs...
DeleteGreat advice, especially reading out loud. That's one of my biggest tips for people, since reading it aloud can sometimes bring out sentence flow problems that you didn't "hear" while reading in your head.
ReplyDeleteWith that said, Eva's arrangement was nice, but as D.G. mentioned, it's maybe a bit too emo for my tastes. Nat King Cole gets my vote on this one.
Okay fellas. Got you down.
DeleteWhile I like Nat, Eva gets my vote. His focuses on the season. Hers focuses on relationships. I vote EVA,
ReplyDeleteI like Eva, too, JJ.
DeleteI love your advice about writing especially watching out about using the same words which I feel I do even when writing my responses:) I have read books as well, where they try to be too intelligent by using high-falooten words when basic ones will do. Anyhoo I listened to both and Nat gets my vote. His is not only simply done it is not too sugary. The second one, even though Eva had a great voice, it reminds me of some 70's tragic romance film starring Ryan O'Neil. It felt a bit drippy to me
ReplyDeleteYeah those high-falooten words will get you every time.
DeleteGot you down for NKC.
Did you ever hear my story of how, shortly after my mom passed when I was a high school freshman, I traded three of mom's albums- two Andy Williams and a Nat King Cole- for Steppenwolf's debut? I thought I made the deal of the century then. Now, I think I got Ernie Broglio.
ReplyDeletePoint being, Nat is THE man. I like the guitar on the other one, but NKC gets the vote.
Music is a funny thing. I remember thinking my parents' music was "old" when I was a kid. Ergo, not good. Now my feelings about that have changed. So, your story doesn't surprise me. I am going to borrow from a quote on Chris Fries blog and call that " a price of an education."
DeleteGot you down for NKC.
Sounds like you found some great CP's! Both versions were good, but I liked Nat King Cole's better. Eva's was just too melancholy for me. Sorry you've been feeling so sick. It seems like you've had one thing after another. Take good care of yourself, Robin.
ReplyDeleteJulie
Nat "King" Cole's version was exactly what you'd expect from him: voice like velvet, and a superior arrangement with horns and strings. Eva's was interesting, though; it was melancholy, and the single-guitar accompaniment made it even more so. I'm giving this to Eva, because her arangement fit the song better.
ReplyDeleteJohn Holton
The Sound Of One Hand Typing
I have to make my compliments for the choice of this musical motif.
ReplyDeleteThe text "at the moment, a bit difficult for me," with the arrangianento music is very nice.
The perfect image of the video, and from that "realism" to the musical text.
I do not see preferences for the two artists, perhaps Eva Cassidy, for a very simple musical arrangement, as is Autumn Leaves.
Robin .. I hope you are well, if I can express my advice ... less reading, "Our life must be addressed on what our eyes see really" .. and go with the vit.C.
I like the original Cole version.
ReplyDeleteBetter hear it from a critique partner than an agent. Or even worse - in a scathing review.
You were migrainey and sick and managed to crank out all of this? You're amazing. My vote goes to NKC, though I used to love Eva Cassidy. Take care of yourself!
ReplyDeleteI always run a word check as one last edit. When I find an overused word, I rewrite and get rid of the 10,000 repeats. I'd like my readers to enjoy my story, not underline "sparkled" or "fraught" in irritation. Those are two words I happen to love. Arrg!
ReplyDeleteNat King Cole wins in my book.
The music makes my heart light. I can feel my spirit smiling. Thanks, for that. As for CPs, don't know where I'd be without them. Not a published author, that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteOh, gosh, I'm probably too late but I'm a Nat King Cole fan - so that's my vote. :)
ReplyDeleteI like all your tips - very awesome!