Wednesday, April 16, 2014

N IS FOR NANNY 911: WHO NEEDS BABYSITTERS WHEN YOU'VE GOT THE POLICE?

My theme for A to Z this year is a wildly different, but very exciting, HERE'S TO YOU all month long. 26 posts to be precise. The most difficult part was narrowing down the 26. All of you deserve your own post. What you will find here is a post by the featured blogger, with traveling music chosen by me that complements said post, and two links. One will link back to the original post and the other to the main page. This year's A to Z is all about making new friends!


This hilarious post is brought to you courtesy of Brandon and Bryan. These guys write the blog A Beer For The Shower. Never read this blog while drinking anything or it might come out your nose. Just sayin'. I think many of you have known about this blog for a long time, but I am new to the party and am thoroughly enjoying myself. I only wish that they wrote more frequently. On Monday I feel great with my Brandon and Bryan fix, but by Friday I am really dragging. If you aren't getting any fix at all, because you have yet to discover this blog, you are in for a treat. Strap on your seat belt. It's about to get funny in here.




Cue the traveling music:



Nanny 911: Who Needs Babysitters When You've Got The Police? by Brandon and Bryan
6/10/13

This weekend Brandon found out that, on a busy city block with almost ten dogs living on it, his two have been barking too much, because they bark about four times a day when someone walks down the back alley. Well, apparently it was bothering one of his neighbors (the only one on the block without dogs, and the only one without a job who doesn't leave the house all day). But, Brandon didn't hear this news from the "all-growed-up" adult neighbor herself. No, he heard it from the city of Denver, in the form of a citation, followed with a warning that if the problem wasn't addressed, the police would be involved.

Which brings us to today's topic, an important reminder for you all: that the police are here to help you handle the petty disputes that you should be able to talk out yourself, not to help you with assault, robbery, and murder.



After calling his wife, praying the rosary, and summing up his courage, Officer Bryan speeds to Brandon's residence...



Thankfully, none of them are packing heat, except for the dog, which is packing a small red rocket.

Meanwhile, across town...


That's right, because back on Main Street, the police are very busy dealing with some extremely unresolved emotional issues.




Meanwhile, across town, while Officer Bryan pulls out two "good boy" and "good girl" stars...


Back on Main Street...





And Officer Bryan resolves their dispute without any violence or bloodshed. Unfortunately, the chumps across town didn't take matters into their own hands like reasonable adults and this is the aftermath...


So remember, folks. The police are not there to "hold your hand" through a robbery, or an assault, or a murder. They are there to handle your petty neighborly disputes and be your own personal Dr. Phil. And if you're worried about being murdered, then I don't know, buy a gun or a really big katana or something, you big damn baby.

Now if you'll excuse us, it's 3 o'clock in the afternoon and Bryan's neighbor has raised their music to a slightly loud volume, so we have to summon half of the Denver police task force to deal with this.

Cheers and stay classy, folks,
Brandon and Bryan


You can thank me later for pointing you toward this blog. Or right now. In the comments.

39 comments:

  1. Brandon and Bryan are hilarious! And damned good writers as well. You're right, don't eat or drink while reading their blog. They are not responsible for computer malfunctions should you spew.

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  2. It must've been hard to choose which post of theirs to highlight, Robin. Everyone is packed with creative hilarity - down to the most minute details. These guys are phenomenal, and downright nice too. Glad you found and spotlighted them.

    xoRobyn

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  3. These guys are very creative. Well worth your honoring them.

    Lee
    Wrote By Rote
    An A to Z Co-host blog

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  4. there are some really talented bloggers out there. I can understand how you had a difficult time narrowing down to 26. They are all so varied in their subjects.

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  5. A Beer for the Shower is a great place to start your morning. Sometimes, there may be blood and gore. Prepare yourself, bring a towel.

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  6. Brandon and Bryan are hilarious. I love their blog!

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  7. I was sad when they cut their blog down to once a week. How could they do that to us? They are cruel and evil!! Wait, is Bryan stopping by to comment today? If so, I didn't mean it, really. I love you, guys!

    I'm a big fan of both guys. They are extremely talented writers. Aside from their blog they have each written great books, together and separately. They ROCK! I think what I love best, is that they are able to write in different genres. It's really cool.

    Okay, gushing over…

    Elsie
    AJ's wHooligan in the A-Z Challenge

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    1. My comment sense was tingling and I just knew someone was talking about me, so here I am. I'm like a superhero, only really lame and ineffective.

      I wish we could still blog twice a week, but with how much work we're putting into art now (and still trying to write books in between that), I'm pretty sure I'd just go insane if I had to do what I do twice a week now.

      Blogging once a week > Being on the news for running around the street in my underwear throwing feral cats at people while foaming at the mouth

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  8. Too funny and a very accurate description of silly neighbors. We have one like that.

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  9. Oh gosh! I should have heeded your warning about not drinking anything while reading. :)

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  10. I'm here to see your post for the day. :) And to wave hello!

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    1. I forgot to say something about your blog of the day. I think their name is funny! I wonder if anyone ever really had a beer while taking a shower. I bet they have, lol

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    2. We both have (but not at the same time, get your mind out of the gutter, this is a family blog).

      Fun fact: the name of the blog came from Random House signing us, promising us the world, and then dropping us last minute because of budget constraints. We were both heartbroken.

      After hearing the news, Brandon was drinking a beer, took it with him into the shower, and just let the water wash away his shame as he sadly sipped his beer. And with that, a legend was born.

      See a pattern here? All of our best stuff is created by terrible things. How awful is that, cruel world?

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  11. Never dilute a beer by drinking it in a shower! No wonder the dog barks. :-) Always a laugh at their blog.

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  12. Awww, Robin, you are too kind for featuring us. And I can't believe you went that far back to find this post.

    You should be happy to know that the neighbors are still petty assholes, and Brandon had to install an outdoor security camera just to keep their shenanigans at bay, such as dumping mattresses in his backyard. Also dildoes. Yep. True story.

    One neighbor actually got so sick of this that he sold his house at a loss and moved. I guess there really is no way that "We can work it out."

    At least it makes for some fun blog entries!

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  13. That's funny stuff! I"m going to have to check these guys out and thanks for highlighting their blog :)

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  14. So funny! Thanks for sharing. I needed the laugh – husband's relatives were here last weekend and I'm still wearing some of their insults. :-) Time to shed them. Maybe I'll grab a beer and take a shower.
    Deb@ http://debioneille.blogspot.com

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  15. ROBIN ~
    "The Beer Boys", Bryan and Brandon, and their blog 'A Beer For The Shower', are OK. I mean, if you have absolutely nuttin' better to do - like painting your toenails, sorting your sock drawer, or drinking a beer in the shower - then they're probably worth reading. But, in actuality, they and their blog are highly overrated and I don't know why anyone would 'Follow' their site, because they really are hard to follow and clean up after.

    The only time I ever go there is when my stocks plummet and I don't want to drink alone.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    POSTSCRIPT: I don't own stocks and I almost always drink alone. Otherwise, every word of this comment that is true is absolutely somewhat generally true in a vaguely semi-accurate way, give or take a few elements.

    Beer: 'Mickey's Big Mouth malt liquor
    Music: 'Weird Al'' Yankovic.

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  16. Beer for the Shower is an awesome blog. I love those guys.

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  17. Another fun post, Robin... I don't follow their blog, but I did have to laugh at the realism of this scenario....

    Thanks again for yesterday!

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  18. I'd print this post and paste it on the complainer's door! Thanks for the introduction, Robin!

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  19. These two are the very epitome of the blogging art. At least since Simple Guy went and got married and blew his blog off. Whatever.

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  20. I apologize for being so poor about responding to your individual comments. I am so glad that you enjoyed A Beer for the Shower.... and I hope they become part of your Monday morning reading:)

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  21. That was a good one and a great illustration of what a bunch of children we are sometimes!

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  22. I am so glad I live in the country, a barking dog, a whiny burro, a mooing cow - sounds of this neighborhood!

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  23. Too funny! Must follow now!
    I too have a neighbor who thinks my dogs bark too much. He runs power tools literally almost all day. WTF?
    Oh and my other neighbors think it's amazing that my dogs don't bark more, since they are startled by this guys noisy tools ALL THE FRIGGIN' TIME. Did I mention that if he called the police on me they would first have to ticket his car that is almost always parked sticking out into the middle of the cul-de-sac? Not even exaggerating here. Nobody knows how I can stand living next door to him. I guess he's just lucky that I come from a long line of crazy and the train stopped here!

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  24. Bryan and Brandon are hilarious, and they're even more handsome now! They really should have their own cartoon on TV! Thanks for posting this incredible blast from the past, Robin!

    Julie

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  25. Creative and funny! A great combo.

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  26. OMG! This was hilarious. Tears are running down my legs. I have a chatterbox (scanner) and have heard some of the craziest calls that police go on while real emergencies are happening. Thanks for the laughs!

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  27. I love these guys. Just started following them a few months back and recommend them to everyone I know. lol, "Tina, will you fill Brandon's holes?"

    I live for those Monday posts. And they're great blogger-supporters as well!

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  28. I often read the Monday post in the office, and get funny looks when people walk by and see me laughing out loud.

    Re: this post, isn't it sad that neighbors don't talk anymore? I have had some annoying neighbors, but cannot think of anything I'd call the police over.

    Plus...how does one keep a dog from barking? And how does one regulate barking volume? Dogs bark! That's their job.

    LC

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  29. Oh yes....the nanny police. We moved from the Nanny State of "Let Us Tell You How To Live While It's Raining" formally known as "Oregon" a few years back to the Mystical State of Jefferson. Ignored totally by the government rulers unless they need more tax dollars we find life here a bit more common sense like...
    Great post by the way! Cheers!

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  30. OH yes I forgot to say- when we hear our neighbors dogs barking while we are sleeping we just roll over and say to each other " Oh good, the bears and cougars are over there"

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  31. Some of your comments are darn near as entertaining as the original post. Kathe, you made me laugh out loud!!!

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  32. I had not found A Beer For The Shower before, but I will be checking them out.

    Good luck with the rest of your #AtoZChallenge participation. I linked to your site on my post for 'P'

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  33. Went old school with the beer boys! Cool!

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