Farmgirl Paints wrote a blog recently about the shift in her household. Her two girls are growing up. They have reached an age where it has become noticeable. However, it is in a good way. She and her husband are now able to share some of their interests with their girls and, amazingly enough, the girls have embraced said interests instead of relegating them to "old people activities."
I say this with some amazement because I have some difficulty with my ex's tween, H-Girl. Yes, the saga continues. I haven't wanted to blog about it, because there is just no good news there. The last time we spoke was while I was on vacation in Orlando. She called my cell phone, which usually is a good sign. I missed the call because I was out on the porch, but only by a half hour. I called her back on her cell. Turns out it was the first day of summer for her and C-Man. I remember loving that day myself at her age. We talked for about five minutes before she brought up texting. I immediately launched into an explanation of why we didn't have texting on our phones (a shortened explanation, but an explanation) and followed it up with an apology, of sorts. I felt bad. My sweet girl wanted to text me. My heart was overflowing with love. It was short-lived.
She then says that she is in the middle of texting one of her friends, and said friend has been waiting five minutes (the duration of our talk) for her to text back, and she really needs to get back to that. However, she is sure that C-Man would like to talk to me. I can call him on the landline. However, she has to move on to her important texting, so she needs to go. Grrrr. The grrrr was from me, and was silent.
I called C-Man and we had a lovely conversation. He actually wanted to talk to me. He is one year older than his sister and much kinder. She is 10, but acts like she is 13 or 14. I am at a complete loss. I am not even her biological mother. Shouldn't you reserve this sort of treatment for people with whom you share DNA?
Anyway, as you know, HERE'S TO YOU THURSDAY is approaching and I have yet to hit Becky at Farmgirl Paints with any footage. I was thinking to address her post on this shift in her household. I spent hours on youtube last night and got *nowhere* fast. Well, I saved tons of GILMORE GIRLS footage to my favorites. This time it is Lorelei/Rory action. Gosh, it made me miss that show. However, it missed the target (in terms of Becky and her post). She has two daughters and neither are that old. Besides, Becky is way more mature than Lorelei. She would be Rory in that duo. At least most of the time. Every now and again, Rory acts her age, but most of the time she is more like the parent.
I think I have completely digressed. Yes, I have two problems. I am completely at a loss on how to deal with H-Girl. And I have no footage for Becky at Farmgirl Paints for HERE'S TO YOU THURSDAY. Any and all comments are appreciated!
I just wanted to ask if you have the Gilmore Girls on the brain today?!? ;-)
ReplyDeleteit is scientifically proved that at certain age friends are more imporant to tweens than their parents. really, it is (I'm not joking or being ironic here). So I suppose you must somehow get used to this. Although, I don't think that any parent is able to say "oh, that's just normal for kids this age. what can I do".
ReplyDeleteAND thank for for that award, it's really sweet and I'm going to make my next post about it :)
At least you found good Gilmore Girls clips. I LOVED that show...so much that over the course of birthdays and holidays, my husband bought me the entire series on DVD. Now, that's a nice man.
ReplyDeleteH-girl is the same age as my eldest daughter. My daughter does not behave like that but because NOBODY is perfect sometimes she acts up. I think she does it to test me and my love for her as well as to unleash any sibling jealousy she may be feeling. In such situations it is best to be calm and firm. To say, "I think we should talk, but not now that we are both angry/busy/upset but come for a hug."
ReplyDeleteA nice starting point would be for us to ask our kids "why" they want the things they want in opposition to other things. To ask them if they feel that they are too influenced by their friends and the repercussions of this. To ask them how they feel about themselves and to encourage them to be the people they want to be. To share our own childhood experiences and to share their joys and pains. To be their advisors, not their wardens.
In H-girl's case I think she is projecting the rejection she feels from her biological mother onto you. Perhaps you should discuss that first with a professional (teacher, family counsellor) and then with H-girl herself.
Sometimes these challenges serve to not only bring us closer to our kids, but make us more aware of ourselves.
Good luck.
As for Farmgirl, maybe you should find something from the Waltons or Little House on the Prairie.
I'm not a mother, so I can't really give you much advice there. But as someone who texts and tends to get a little caught up on it, I can honestly say that I don't mean it personally that I am multi-tasking so often.
ReplyDeleteHowever, because I'm an adult, I choose to either turn my cell off, or just not respond to incoming texts when I'm in the middle of a serious conversation with someone ... but at 10? I'm sure I would have been just as aggravating as most adolescent girls.
What "Misery" wrote is absolutely spot-on. I had to write a paper on it at uni - a study done, cannot for the life of me now remember the person who headed the study, but anyway it proved that at a certain age, peers really are more important to kids than their parents. It's not that parents are unimportant, just that as part of growing up and socializing, for a time, one's peers become more significant. It's actually a good thing because it prepares us for adulthood where we will have to survive outside of the family unit.
All that to say, don't take it as personal rejection. She has different priorities at that age that are all competing against each other in her head and heart.