KICKING IT RANDOM STYLE

I've never had a Random Thoughts post before. Huh. Very interesting since I have a lot of random thoughts.

It occurred to me in a recent comment that I should be more clear when I talk about my ex and his kids. They aren't my kids. Their biological mother pretty much abandoned the ship, but they aren't my kids. I have no legal rights. Everything I do, I do out of choice.

My book has me using the "D" word quite a lot these days. That would be Disgusted. Or maybe Disenchanted. I really wish I watched that video on writing the end earlier in my writing process. As soon I watched it, I stopped writing and started thinking about the end.

Then I started writing the end. I was six pages in and, well, it blew. It sucked wind. It was terrible. Awful. Lousy. Crap. Dirt. Just plain bad. I was pushed into corners by the writing choices I had made earlier. I didn't like it... not one little bit. So, I stopped. Again.

I then had a very aggressive conversation with myself about how I was going to have to rewrite the ending the way that I wanted, and to suck it up. That meant that I was going to have to go back and just deal with all of those poor choices I made earlier. It would be lots of work and that was too damn bad.

What is boggling me now is that the only scene in my new ending that I really like is the one in which my main character isn't actually in. That poses a problem since the entire book is written from the point of view of the main character. So, I have to figure out a way to get her in that scene or I have to figure out a way to make that scene just as alive without her in it. Writing is a bitch. The only writing I really like is the writing I have already completed. Once it's done, I love it. A work in progress is a pain in the ass.

Looks like I am going to have to declare bankruptcy. It's kind of funny since I don't actually own anything except a timeshare. Nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch. I just have this timeshare that is sucking me my parents dry, since they are paying all of my bills. It will also wipe out my credit card debt. Ironically, most of that debt was incurred while I was married, so it really was mostly my ex's debt. Whatever.

This is sounding snarky.

Anyway, this bankruptcy will pave the way so that my parents can afford all of my ongoing medical bills. So, my bills won't really be going down; they will just be different. This is all to get Social Security Disability so that I can actually get Medicaid.

Once I get Medicaid, then the doctors can actually run the tests that they need to run to actually make me better. So, in approximately a year and a half, I might have SSD and Medicaid, so that I can actually have medicaid, so that the doctors can actually DO SOMETHING to improve my health. It's fascinating really. I feel like I am running around this big circle. Not actually running.... obviously.

I will continue with my vitamin protocol. Actually, I will do better with it, since I was already on it. I was pretty half-assed with it there for a while. My dad and his memory loss was a real motivator.

I will continue with my daily meditation.

Life lessons suck. Pain sucks. I have ideas. I write them down on this blog. Sometimes I get it right. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes I get it sorta right. Sometimes, I am just on the tip of the iceberg. Sometimes I am so far out in left field that I am not even playing the game. That's why I call this Blog Therapy and why I want you guys to leave comments. Any comment made out of love (even if you're telling me I'm full of crap)... well, if it's coming from your heart, and you're saying it with kindness, I need to hear it. I'd always rather hear how wonderful, smart, and right I am BUT I do live in the real world. At least most days.

Thank you for reading, writing, and making a difference in the lives of everyone you meet.

This award is for you. I got it from Truthful Mommy over at The Truth About Motherhood a while back and have been remiss slow about passing it on. So, thank you Truthful Mommy for thinking of me, and I apologize for being so lazy irresponsible in not sharing it sooner. You don't have to do anything with it. You don't have to pass it on, make up anything, tell us anything about yourself, or stand on your head. However, you can click on it and save it to your photos and add it to your sidebar. It is a gift from me to you. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog today. Share it with your readers whenever you desire to share the love.