Now, you're thinking, "What is she talking about?" That is exactly my point. You have no clue what I am even referencing. That very long blog "BEING ROBIN," which was my own little spin on the TV show BEING ERICA, is the blog in question. I think the problem was multi-faceted. It was too long. Some of you have so many blogs to read and it was just too long. The other problem was that I worked on it over the course of two days. My thinking can change a lot about something in that amount of time AND IT DID. The other key point that I thought that I made clear, but I know that I didn't, is that even in the show the thing that consistently changes the most is Erica's perspective. The time travel is merely a vehicle. It's an interesting concept.
I think where I "upset" most of you was with my list. You have no idea how many things I chose not to put on there, even though they were awful, simply because I know they were learning experiences. However, the deal is that they are all learning experiences and I didn't make that clear. What frustrates me about my own list is how many of the things on that list are repeats. However, it is what it is, and I did have reasons for making those choices. I think I said it best when I indicated that the list is most useful as a future blog topic list for those days when I am stuck.
However, I think that maybe everyone was too caught up in the list.... Maybe disturbed by the list is a better word. It is unhealthy to stay stuck on all of the negative stuff that happens in a life. So, looking at the list halted you in your tracks and even though your eyes kept reading, your brain stopped absorbing, because this is what you missed (which came after the list): "I started working on this blog last night. I picked it up again this afternoon and was just about to hit the publish key this evening. Then I had a revelation. There is a reason I picked BEING ERICA, and told you that her time travel events didn't change much of anything except her perspective. I was too close to it when I wrote it to see it. I know I am not getting any do-overs or a time machine or any sessions with Dr. Tom. The only thing that everyone gets is the opportunity to start from where you are. Today. And if you can find some perspective on your past, so that you can leave it there, then you can walk away that much freer. That is what she is doing, even though she doesn't realize it. Each time she goes back, she gets to let that thing go. It was holding her down. Her burden gets lighter. "
What I didn't do was bring it around full circle for you and close it. Again... bad writing and it is why you didn't connect the dots. I wouldn't change any of the things on my list. I chose them for a reason at that time in my life. There is also a reason that I have already blogged about some of them. It was my way of letting them go. I call this thing that I am doing Blog Therapy. This writing stuff down is my way of letting it go. That is what I didn't say and what I should have said, and again why it sucked.
All of that said, this little piece has been something I have been working on FOR DAYS. So I have NO IDEA how badly I have screwed it up?!?!? I guess it will all come out in the comments. Since we came in with crying, let's go out the same way... sort of. On the drive over to my ex's place to meet up for the ride to see Taylor Swift, I was listening to the radio. Boy, that was a learning experience. It made me realize how little time I spend listening to the radio these days. I didn't know a single song playing. Of course, that really shouldn't have been a shocker. I pretty much write my blog, write my book, read and comment on other people's blogs, troll youtube, and watch my DVR'd shows, and well that's about it. I mean on a daily basis. You can throw in some other non-daily activities, but really.... I used to read, but since I have started writing my own book, I don't want anything interfering with my "process." I digress. Back to the radio... Well, this one song came on and it almost made me cry. Not quite. But almost. So, of course, I had to come home and look it up on youtube. You can turn off my idiot music box at the bottom of my page if you want to have a listen. I doubt you will need a tissue. But you might decide that I am indeed certifiable. Okay, I will take the tissue....
So I can't help but feel that this is partly my fault too, as I was one of the hard-ass commenters of that particular post. If I hurt your feelings, Robin, I deeply apologize - that was not my intention. I guess my intention after reading a long list of regrets - and knowing that, like Erica, you wished to go back turn them into triumphs - is that you can. You don't need a time machine. And I know that you know just as well what you have learned from each "mistake" and that your intention in your post wasn't to make it sound like your life is just one big regret.
ReplyDeleteI also don't want you to blame yourself or your writing ability - people blog every day and have readers misinterpret what was being said because there's no tone of voice, context, etc. This isn't all on you, hon.
I hope that clears some stuff up. I am one of your biggest advocates and I am not here, nor do I read your blog, to make you feel bad or criticize you. Rather, I take joy in your victories and my heart aches when yours does. I hope you know that.
I know that, Tracy. I wasn't offended by any of the comments. Like I said, they all touched my heart. I just realized that I didn't do a great job making my point. I know that all of you are in cheering section and that feels great. I am right there in yours, too. This blog was more about letting you know that I wasn't stuck waiting for an imaginary time machine to "fix" my problems. I never doubted how much you cared!
ReplyDeleteK good :)
ReplyDelete