A Three Way Crash: BOTB runs into SOML and Lost and Found

What we are seeing here today is a collision of epic proportions.

First, there was Battle of the Bands. List of participants at the end of this post.

Second, I started writing posts which I lovingly call The Soundtrack of My Life. A few others have joined in this endeavor. Who's participating in this one? These guys:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN 

Third, I joined the Lost and Found Bloghop. You can find the entire list of participants HERE. Who is hosting this event? These guys:

Arlee Bird at Tossing it Out http://tossingitout.blogspot.com/

Guilie Castilol-Oriard at A Quiet Laughter  http://guilie-castillo-oriard.blogspot.com/

Elizabeth Seckman http://www.eseckman.blogspot.com/

Yolanda Renee http://yolandarenee.blogspot.com/

Denise Covey http://dencovey.blogspot.com/

Alex J. Cavanaugh http://alexjcavanaugh.com/ 

For those of you new to this blog, I'm going through my entire life in song. Sounds tedious when I write it like that, but, surprisingly, not so much. We left off with me receiving a phone call from J1 (just as I was approaching college graduation) to say he'd decided to join the Army and requested a placement in Germany. We'd been on and off again (mostly off) for two years now, but I was still horribly in love with the guy.

In the face of this adversity, we decide to become "on" again. Makes sense, right? I'm headed for my first real job in NYC, and he's headed to boot camp. With promises of writing each other and a visit after boot camp, but before Germany... that's where we left it.

I made my move (lots more to tell there, but not in *this* post) and purchased enough stationery that I really should've bought stock in the stuff. And I wrote and wrote. (If you've read my rambling here, you have a fairly accurate idea about the sheer volume of words I'm attempting to describe). And I waited. Nothing came. Nada. Zip. Zero. Zilch. My mailbox remained perpetually empty.

Each day that passed with no word from J1, brought tears, anxiety, and too many meetings with Captain Morgan. My roommates got sick of listening to it. I got sick of listening to it. Why? Because I didn't understand it. I guess it should've been obvious after all the times he said he'd call, and didn't, in the two on/off years, but I really thought we'd turned a corner.

I daresay that the boot camp lasted six to eight weeks. So, it was in July when I knew he was outta there and sitting at home with his parents. I was sure he'd call. The plan was he'd visit me BEFORE Germany. So, a phone call was required, no?

That phone call did eventually happen. But he didn't initiate it. It was a Friday or Saturday night and I'd imbibed just enough Captain Morgan and Diet Coke that calling seemed like a reasonable, and right, thing to do. We had beautiful parquet flooring in that Queens apartment. I remember sitting on it (okay, sprawled on it) and drunk dialing him.

He told me that he got all my mail after boot camp was over. All of it. All at once. Turns out, he couldn't send or receive mail during his stint there. Ergo, as he read he saw I was spiraling out. I didn't call him names or anything, but there was a lot of "I don't know why you're doing this to me" sort of talk there at the end.

I could understand why he wasn't ready to pick up the phone and call someone who may or may not be riding the crazy train that first day. But, day two? Three? Two weeks later? What could possibly have kept him from calling me and putting me out of my (obvious) misery???

"He didn't want to hurt me anymore."

I was floored. Literally and figuratively. But, I eventually managed to wrap my head around this poor excuse and accept it. I suppose this is where the Lost and Found comes into play... because when someone tells you they are a jerk or don't have time for you or you're not the priority (and really he'd been telling me for YEARS) or he just doesn't want to hurt you anymore, you should say, "Well thank you for clearing that up. You're absolutely right. If we carry on down this path you will devastate me. This was good information to have." Instead, by accepting this lame rationale, I was signing up for more pain. My bad. I lost myself and found out just what it is to hurt. We think the pain is in the letting go. Often it's in the hanging on.

And that leads us to the Battle of the Bands/song portion of this event. This describes how I felt that entire six to eight weeks he was in boot camp. 

The song is Say Something. I'm pitting two covers against each other. Listen to them both and cast your vote in the comments. That simple! I recommend NOT watching either. I find both of these distracting, but I'm not the NSA and won't be monitoring you, so do what you like!

Here is Boyce Avenue featuring Carly Rose Sonenclar:



Here is Pentatonix:


Please vote for the version of this song you prefer. If you want to get into the Ins and Outs of why you like one better than the other... I LOVE long comments!

For more Battle of the Bands fun, check out the other BOTB bloggers to vote on their battles:

• Far Away Series 
• Stephen T. McCarthy's Battle of the Bands Blog
• Tossing it Out
• DiscConnected (temporarily disconnected from BoTB)
• Mike's Ramblings
• Curious as a Cathy 
• Book Lover
• The Sound of One Hand Typing
• dcrelief ~ Battle of the Bands 
• Cherdo on the Flipside 
• Angels Bark 
• THE DOGLADY'S DEN 
• Jingle Jangle Jungle 
• Janie Junebug Righting and Editing
• NovelBrews
• J.A. Scott
• Quiet Laughter
• Holli's Hoots and Hollers 
• beReInVintaged 

Who Do You Say That I Am?

I'll be back on the 1st with a BoTB, Soundtrack, and a Love post (Lost and Found) on Feb. 1. Yeah, I'm managing to combine three hops into one. Of course, my Soundtrack posts aren't a traditional hop, but still.

In the meantime, I found this cool video that I wanted to share with you. I think all of my Jewish friends will appreciate it (yeah, I'm looking at you Robyn) and also my Jewish-Christian friends (hey Melissa). What about the rest of you? Yeah, I think you'll like it too:)





I've struggled for quite a while with reconciling Judaism and Christianity (in terms of how you can be both). I think for many people it's the idea of losing one aspect to the other. I love how this man lays it all out there, showing that Jesus is the fulfillment of  a promise that God made to the Jewish people in the OT. They go together like peanut butter and jelly, Batman and Robin, socks and shoes, cheese and anything. I think you get the idea.

Soundtrack of My Life ~ The Knockout

Okay, we've established my senior year was really just one big party.

And still.. I made decent grades. Woohoo. I graduated with a degree in English and a loose plan for my future. When my friend Sag moved to Jersey after she graduated (one year before me) to work in The City, I started to think that sounded like a fine plan. I'd get a job in publishing and work in NYC. So, that was my plan.

A couple weeks before graduation, J1 called me on the phone. Yeah, I know you thought he was gone. Me too. And all the feelings I hoped were dead and buried, not so. They all came bubbling up to the surface, particularly when he told me his plan.

He joined the Army for a 4 year tour and put Germany as his first choice in placement. I really thought I'd just keel over and die on the spot. My mind was screaming things like, "What were you thinking?" I think I gurgled in response.

Sometimes you get crystal clear clarity when you realize you could lose someone. And that was how this decision felt to me. I realized I loved him. I didn't want him to do this thing, but it couldn't be undone. And I wouldn't love him less if I bowed out and he got himself killed. I'd just feel like I missed time. More time.

So, he and I crafted a plan for him to come to NYC (where I'd be at the end of his boot camp training) for part of his break before flying to Germany. Despite it being the worst of circumstances, we were finally both all in on this thing. At least, I thought we were all in...





If you're enjoying these posts, feel free to share your own Soundtrack. This isn't a hop. No requirements at all, but a suggestion to do it one song at a time. (If you participated in the hop several years ago, you can still do this. Just post them one song at a time, with the freedom to add more songs if you'd like.) I'll link to all participants at the bottom of each of these posts:

StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS

Cherdo on the Flipside 

Holli's Hoots and Hollers 

THE DOGLADY'S DEN 

Mean Who You Are