Who Do You Say That I Am?

I'll be back on the 1st with a BoTB, Soundtrack, and a Love post (Lost and Found) on Feb. 1. Yeah, I'm managing to combine three hops into one. Of course, my Soundtrack posts aren't a traditional hop, but still.

In the meantime, I found this cool video that I wanted to share with you. I think all of my Jewish friends will appreciate it (yeah, I'm looking at you Robyn) and also my Jewish-Christian friends (hey Melissa). What about the rest of you? Yeah, I think you'll like it too:)





I've struggled for quite a while with reconciling Judaism and Christianity (in terms of how you can be both). I think for many people it's the idea of losing one aspect to the other. I love how this man lays it all out there, showing that Jesus is the fulfillment of  a promise that God made to the Jewish people in the OT. They go together like peanut butter and jelly, Batman and Robin, socks and shoes, cheese and anything. I think you get the idea.

What I Learned This Summer, Part 3

PART 3 OF 4:

Okay, so we've covered some ground on what I learned this summer. I could tell you more about camp, but I'll just say this: some of it was hard, some of it was easy, and all of it was good. Ultimately. I can't say it was always comfortable, because it wasn't.

However, one of the counselors sent me a friend request on Facebook, which was waiting for me when I finished my family vacation. Honestly, that felt very good, and I'm very grateful for her. ::understatement:: **Since then, I've become FB friends with many of the counselors. Now that we're more than a month away from camp I'm learning that social media actually can aid in these friendships. After a year of getting to know one another better on Facebook, camp won't be nearly so challenging next year. We'll have gained on the issue of time, and I hope I'll be better about sharing my experience.

**A Facebook Friend Request might seem like this super small thing, but it can be huge to someone else after they've had a fairly tough summer struggling with... well, everything. Another example that small acts of kindness are often the ones that mean the most to others. So, don't be afraid to get out there and perpetuate acts of kindness!!!

I spent the entire three weeks not really wanting the other counselors to know my experience because deep down I thought they'd see me as a Lesser Christian (don't think that actually exists, but there you go). What I actually achieved was just not letting anyone in. If they don't know you, they can't like you. Or hate you. Or even feel "okay" about you. In other words, the law of thirds doesn't work if you don't let anyone know you. The irony is that I should've figured this out week one because I became very close with that group of high school girls. I'll just stop and admit to being a slow learner.

What else did I learn?

At our last fellowship dinner at church our pastor invited the Gideons to come. Frankly, I wasn't looking forward to this presentation. It cuts into our "fellowship" time and usually makes choir practice run late. Let's just say I wasn't their ideal listener.

One man did most of the talking. He began by sharing his testimony. (Does this feel familiar?)

I will do my best to not be overly wordy and get the gist of his testimony. He said that he grew up not knowing Jesus. His family didn't know Jesus. He didn't find Jesus until he was at the rock bottom of his life. He was in a prison cell after just being charged with first degree murder and kidnapping.

You didn't see that coming, right? Me either. I try to imagine what that must've been like and come up empty.

Anyway, he said that another inmate saw his despair and gave him a Gideon Bible. It was the first time he'd ever had his hands on a Bible. He started to read, and in the reading, believed. However, there was a kicker: he didn't believe that God could forgive him specifically. He didn't doubt that Jesus died on the cross to save mankind, but mankind hadn't committed murder and kidnapping... so that salvation was for other people. A pastor came to the prison and spoke with him. When he asked the pastor if Jesus could forgive a murderer, that pastor immediately said, "Yes."

That changed his life. Forever. Of course, it didn't change the consequences. We always get the consequences of our actions. He served thirty plus years of prison time. During that time he got his PhD in Theology.

After he was paroled he joined the Gideon ministry because it saved his life. Through that ministry he talks not only to churches but regularly goes to the prison and visits youth in correctional facilities.

What he says to the youth: "You are only one choice and one person away from prison."

That statement kept my brain working for weeks. One person. One choice. I began to think about my own life. I knew there was meaning in there. I had to figure out how I could apply it.

Here's what I figured out: People and choices are like Pringles. You can't make just one. Each time you're confronted with a person and/or a choice it is taking you one of two ways. Closer to Jesus or further away. There is no middle ground here. So, if you make that choice or bring that person into your life that takes you away from Jesus, chances are it will lead you to more of the same. The reverse is also true. If you bring people into your life who bring you closer to Jesus and make choices that bring you closer, they will lead you to more of the same.

That whole scenario put my Soundtrack posts into a new perspective (which are, essentially, my life). I'd talked about holes and filling them, but finally I could see it all very plainly. When I decided to turn to the world to fill my holes that was one choice away from Jesus (because every choice is closer to or further away). Of course, it led to more choices of the same. Instead of getting fuller, I just got emptier. Until, like the man leading that presentation, I hit my own rock bottom.

And, still, even after hearing this, I was still struggling with my own feelings of being a Lesser Christian. That guy didn't know Christ when he did what he did. I knew Christ when I did what I did... and I did it anyway. No, I didn't kill or kidnap anyone. The person I hurt most was me, but...

Well, I'll save the rest for my last post in this series.

Have you ever thought about how important your choices are? The people you bring into your life? Does the whole "one person, one choice" resonate with you?

What I Learned This Summer, Part 2

PART 2 OF 4:

Okay, so I left off at camp. Week one. I woke up at 3am inspired to give a campfire message. I figure you want to know what that was (because I would if the shoe were on the other foot). Lucky for you, I wrote it all down.

**I didn't get this quite right. There are things you think you know, but you don't. And you don't know them until you know them. Of course, that makes me wonder about the validity of anything I write ever. Because that learning thing is an ongoing process. And I don't know right now what I don't know... ::sigh::

However this is what I said:

Tonight I want to tell you my story. Give you my testimony. Because people don't care what you know until they know that you care. But the truth is they don't care what you know until they know you. So, I don't want to just tell you what I know, but how I learned it.

What I know: Life will knock you down.

 If it hasn't yet, it will. How you deal with that will depend on your relationship with Jesus. Even so, there may be times when you, like the Prodigal Son, decide to take your own path. And, like the Prodigal Son, it won't work out well for you. But, also like the Prodigal Son, the Father will welcome you back with open arms.

I grew up in the church. Accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior when I was in elementary school. I started coming to this camp the summer before 7th grade. I had good and bad times, but life was mostly good. Honestly, life was mostly good until it wasn't. I made some bad choices 16 years ago**. Choices I should've known better than to make. Choices that ended up hurting me very badly.

What I know: When you make a choice (any choice) there are consequences.

I dated and then married a man who wasn't a Christian. I should've known that was a terrible idea. Our core values weren't the same. But, I brushed those doubts aside and rationalized that it would be okay.

What I know: If you have to make rationalizations for your choices, you need to rethink those choices.

In fact, he turned out to be an abusive husband. He never hit me, but he threatened me repeatedly, and it was scary being married to him. His two children from a previous marriage moved in with us six months after we married (and out of a physically abusive household with their biological mother). The weight of responsibility for those children fell heavily on my shoulders. I knew that I was their one and only parent with an inkling of how to love and nurture a child.

What I know: You cannot save another person. Only Jesus can save another person.

We've talked a lot about shining this week. The longer I stayed in that situation, the less I shined. I got a migraine that wouldn't go away. Ever. No doctor. No medication would make it quit. My neurologist told me on my first appointment, after asking about my circumstances, that so long as I continued to beat my head into a wall I would have a migraine. I refused to accept that and continued to beat my head into that wall for another two and a half years. My philosophy was "I'm not a quitter," and "I'm not getting a divorce. Ever."

I was sick. My ability to effectively work my sales job diminished to the point that my paycheck was severely affected. The migraine took over my life and I became a shell of who I was. My mother constantly expressed her fear that I was going to die. It wasn't until I fully agreed with her (staying married would end in imminent death) that I filed for divorce.

What I know: When you're sick and/or abused, you push everyone away. You don't want anyone to know.

My relationship with Jesus moved from a daily dialogue and weekly worship to occasional cries that sounded a lot like, "Please help me!"

What I know: God listens to all prayer. Often, we stop listening when we feel surrounded by darkness. 

After my marriage ended, my migraines didn't get better. I didn't understand it. Over the course of the next year I actually got worse. I fell behind on my mortgage payments, and the electric was regularly being shut off on my house. I dreaded calling my parents and asking for help. Eventually, I financially fell through the floor. I had no choice but to sell my house and move in with my parents. It was devastating.

Once upon a time, Jesus and I were like that (fingers together), Now we were more like this (fingers apart). And we were gaining on this. (hands apart)

What I know: God will not always answer your prayer.

Remember the first thing I said? Life will knock you down. I was down and God seemed to have disconnected my number. At least, that's what it felt like. I wish I could tell you that I took all of this with grace and remained faithful that God had my back.

Fast forward three years.

I became really angry with God. I spent a lot of time shaking my fist at Him. I put away my Bible and stopped even trying to go to church. Remember what I said about life knocking you down? I was down.

What I know: God listens to prayer. Even when you stop listening, God remains faithful.

A friend of mine said, "Tell me about your relationship with Jesus." (That would be you, Stephen T. McCarthy)

I was offended. I didn't want to think about it and definitely didn't want to talk about it. My response was something like, "None of your beeswax."

However, I couldn't stop thinking about the question. So, I pulled out my Bible off the shelf. Went back to church. Started singing in the church choir. Started reading books by people smarter than me. I found relationship with Jesus. Again.

What I know: You must choose Jesus every day. Being saved in elementary school doesn't carry you through life. You must choose Jesus again and again.

So, what do I know?

Life will knock you down.
When you make a choice there are consequences.
If you have to make rationalizations for your choices, you need to rethink them.
You cannot save another person. Only Jesus can save another person.
When you don't feel shiny, it's too easy to push everyone away, including Jesus.
God listens to all prayer. Often we stop listening to Him when we feel surrounded by darkness.
God remains faithful in every circumstance of your life.
Lastly, you must choose Jesus again and again because He's always choosing you.

(The end)

Yes, it was long and there turned out to be some crying. I know what you're thinking, but it wasn't JUST me. Me and a few other people. Young people who probably felt like their relationship with Jesus wasn't where they wanted it to be. Therein lies the beauty of a painful story (life). If you can turn that disaster around, there is hope. Or to put it another way, "It ain't over 'til it's over."