The summer of 1989 pretty well flew by in a mist of misery. If you don't know what I'm talking about see the last post. My waitressing job darn near killed me.
The only other significant thing to happen that summer was that J1 just popped back up. Out of the blue. We hadn't spoken in months. It was a weekend, so I was in the midst of sleep deprivation and agonizing pain in my feet. I do believe it was a Saturday afternoon, and I was taking my nap in between getting off at the diner and having to be back at the bar that evening.
My roommate woke me up to tell me he was in the living room.
It was all very strange. I was happy to see him, but there was a part of me that knew he would be Gone Again the next time I turned around. I can't remember how long he stayed. Not long. Just long enough to make me wish things were different and decide that I wasn't gonna love anybody else.
You'd think the yardstick he'd set would be pretty easy to beat. After all, the guy couldn't STICK. But, you must remember this: If it doesn't hurt, it isn't love.
Yeah, that was MY yardstick for what love looked like. So, this MUST be love. After all, how could it hurt like this and not be?
If you're enjoying these posts, feel free to share your own Soundtrack. This isn't a hop. No requirements at all, but a suggestion to do it one song at a time. (If you participated in the hop several years ago, you can still do this. Just post them one song at a time, with the freedom to add more songs if you'd like.) I'll link to all participants at the bottom of each of these posts:
StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS
Cherdo on the Flipside
Holli's Hoots and Hollers
THE DOGLADY'S DEN
Mean Who You Are
Wrote By Rote
Yup, they do always come back. Is he still coming back?
ReplyDeleteThe song was a good choice. I was watching the Beatles in those ridiculous outfits and
trying to figure out just what they had that had been the attraction at the time. I doubt if they came upon the scene today for the first time, they would have been popular but they were the transition into a different kind of music. People who loved them then, still love them today. I never really got "into them" as they were more of my kids time.
No, eventually there was a final Break-Up and it was a permanent split. However, if you count all the "off" time, this was the longest relationship I've had. ::sigh::
DeleteI like to think the healthiest and best is yet to come!!!
No. Though I don't want you to think of him as "bad" guy, because he wasn't. He was a very confused person back then about what he wanted. That confusion carried over into his relationship with me. However, it doesn't make him bad, just flawed.
ReplyDeleteI, too, really like The Beatles. :)
Another song that fits here is Nazareth's Love Hurts.
ReplyDeleteFunny how we all have different musical associations...:)
DeleteI did this with my college boyfriend. We dated at junior college and he was year ahead of me. He transferred to a University and he still wanted me to date him mostly because he didn't want me to date anyone else. He cheated on me left and right but I was in love.
ReplyDeleteI didn't start loving the Beatles until after college I dated a guy in a cover band called Revolver. They mostly did Beatles covers. I love them now!
Interestingly enough, I don't think J1 was trying to keep me from dating anyone else. I can't remember him even asking if I was. It was much more likely that he, for reasons unknown to me, started thinking about me and decided to ride over and see what was up. And then he'd get caught up in his own life and pretty much forget about me until he remembered again. I really can't explain it (because I never asked)... but I don't think he was consciously trying to keep me involved with him so I wouldn't date anyone else. The whole thing was confusing to me at the time... and I'm not sure I understand it a whole lot better now!
DeleteFunny how some unhealthy relationships can be under one's skin as I say. We know in our minds that it is not healthy or good but we can take one look at the lug and find our hearts go pitter-patter. I hate that! I do believe that the right guy is out there for you and you will meet him when you least expect it or want it.
ReplyDeleteThe irony to this statement is that I didn't perceive AT THE TIME this relationship as unhealthy. In my mind, it was more of a "grand romance" of epic proportions. The worse it hurt, the better it would feel when everything got resolved or something like that. Yeah, I thought I was living a RomCom... with less Rom and more Soap.
DeleteI'm not sure I was ready for the right guy until now. My ideas about relationships were kinda crazy.
Sounds like you could have used as a theme song Jana Kramer's Boomerang...
ReplyDeleteI've not heard that one. I'll have to look it up!
DeleteYeah, it was clearly a sad situation, and I'll bet it hurt him, too. Not then perhaps, but years later when he thought back on it.
ReplyDeleteI believe you when you say he wasn't a "bad" guy. He doesn't look like a bad guy in the photos. He looks likable to me. But, well, he was young and confused and it's just unfortunate that it didn't work out.
What else is unfortunate are those costumes The Beatles are wearing. Even without all that silliness, I'd still find them hard to watch - all the expressions and goofy stage movements. It's hard for me to even understand why I liked them so much when I was in high school. Whatever appeal they had for me (when I was so much less musically educated) is long, long gone.
~ D-FensDogG
'Loyal American Underground'
I actually think he was having a really rough time right then. I'm also fairly certain that if he thinks about this time at all now he wishes he'd done some things differently.
DeleteSee my comment reply to Birgit. I think the thing I need to better convey the next time J1 comes into my life (and there is a next time) is that I really didn't see any of this as unhealthy. Not a bit. I really thought the truly excellent love stories endured great hardship before the Happily Ever After. Yeah, I thought life was actually like a movie. Now I see that as Whackadoodle Thinking, but back then... that's what I thought.
And you must remember J1 is the first guy I'd ever met that I felt like I'd known my whole life. Instant connection. I knew it was rare at the time, and time has proven that it is rare. I now think of those people as kindred spirits. We were very close on The Other Side and we will be again. Things don't always work out in this hard, round school but that's okay. Mind you, I didn't have THAT sort of perspective on it at the time.
GIRL WONDER ~
DeleteYep, I totally get where you're coming from.
I had a sad romantic breakup too - a person where that same connection existed. Unfortunately, she really wanted children and I didn't. This was something we both felt strongly about, and so that was the real reason for the demise of that relationship. There's no way of getting around an obstacle like THAT!
I should have mentioned that despite the fact I'm no fan of The Beatles today, that was an excellent song choice. It really nailed what was going on with you and J1 at that time.
And believe it or not, my feelings about the band notwithstanding, I too will have a Beatles song in my 'The Soundtrack Of My Life' series. We're not there yet - gotta get out of the 1970s first and up to 1982 - but it's comin'.
~ D-FensDogG
I now very clearly see the irony in this relationship and the end of this relationship. (I've thought about this whole thing a lot since I started writing this and I realize I can only write from the perspective that I have now. If I were writing this when I was smack dab in the middle of it, the story would be very different. Not the events, but my feelings about them.) Also, I now it seems like I've gone on and on about all the details, but the back and forth nature of this whole thing will come back later... and be the primary cause that I cut and run... you know, right at the time that he's seriously ready to commit.
DeleteLife. It's a funny thing.
It's a good thing you and The Countess didn't pursue it even though there was great love there. My cousin's daughter married a few years ago a fellow she met in college (so they'd been together quite a while). We got a a letter from her saying they were divorcing (I think they were married about two years, but it could be longer). The primary reasons were 1) they couldn't agree on children, and 2) couldn't agree on where to live. Those are both big things, but I was surprised about the first one. I would've thought they would've made a decision on that before the marriage. Oh well. It's all very sad.
As for The Beatles... I really like a lot of their music. Someone we haven't met yet in this Soundtrack series is/was a big fan of their music. Now whenever I hear a Beatles song I think of him. And there you go... Besides, they were extremely prolific as a band. There has to be ONE song of theirs that speaks to you (at least).
Hi, Robin,
ReplyDeleteI think we all have experienced a love like this at least once in our lives. I have. It is sad. And like you said, he wasn't a bad guy, just not the right one. Timing is everything. People mature at different times and he just wasn't ready for the deep type of love that you were/are capable of in a committed relationship.
Oh... this story ain't over yet. Not by a LONG shot.
DeleteSometimes is seems like love is a game of Whack-A-Mole, every time it pops up its head -- you get smacked on the head somehow. I pray that life ahead has a happy surprise for you.
ReplyDeleteI am a dreamer. My life songs are "The Impossible Dream" and "Through the Fire" by Fernando Ortega: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFa0kM8CK1g
One song has become trite because everyone has heard it, and the other falls on deaf ears for no one has heard of it. Life is like that sometimes. :-)
Life is very much like that sometimes!
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