Many of you had LOTS to say about J1 in the last Battle/Soundtrack post. And you were all right. And all wrong. Dontcha hate it when that happens?!?!
You were right in the fact that I should've told him how I felt. If he didn't care, I should've told him adios and farewell. But, I didn't. And that is the part of the story we should all take away here. This is MY soundtrack. J1 is merely a supporting player.
Even though he "treated me mean and treated me cruel," I still loved him. And wanted to see him. And looked forward to the day when I'd see him again.
Those days didn't come as often as I wanted. I do remember him driving to see me after the Christmas break and once more a few months later.
The thing was it was always fantastic when he was there. It always felt horrible after he left. And worse yet when he stayed gone.
For anyone who's been in a relationship where you feel way more invested than the other person.... well, chances are you're way more invested than the other person.
I think J1 was completely overwhelmed by his life. His family. Trying to please his dad. And he cared about me, but not enough to really make me a priority. However, whenever he came around I dropped everything.
Yeah, it wasn't healthy.
There was never an official Break Up. But, after that second visit things changed. I got tired of the unreturned phone calls or the calls that were supposed to come that didn't. I got tired of always coming in last. So, we never officially said "this is it," but I stopped going out of my way to try and make him notice me. Not saying that it didn't hurt or that I stopped loving him (because that would've been way too healthy!), but I stopped initiating. And when that happened, he disappeared off my grid... until he didn't. But, that's another blog bit.
WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME WITHOUT MAKING ME TRY?
I TRIED TO BE LIKE GRACE KELLY
BUT ALL HER LOOKS WERE TOO SAD
SO I TRY A LITTLE FREDDIE
I'VE GONE IDENTITY MAD!
I COULD BE BROWN
I COULD BE BLUE
I COULD BE VIOLET SKY
I COULD BE HURTFUL
I COULD BE PURPLE
I COULD BE ANYTHING YOU LIKE
WHY DON'T YOU LIKE LIKE ME?
WHY DON'T YOU WALK OUT THE DOOR!
WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME?
WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME?
WHY DON'T YOU LIKE YOURSELF?
BUT YOU ONLY WANT WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE SAYS YOU SHOULD WANT
HUMPHREY, WE'RE LEAVING!
If you're enjoying these posts, feel free to share your own Soundtrack. This isn't a hop. No requirements at all, but a suggestion to do it one song at a time. (If you participated in the hop several years ago, you can still do this. Just post them one song at a time, with the freedom to add more songs if you'd like.) I'll link to all participants at the bottom of each of these posts:
StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS
Cherdo on the Flipside
Holli's Hoots and Hollers
THE DOGLADY'S DEN
Mean Who You Are
Wrote By Rote
If it feels like a one-sided relationship, it usually is.
ReplyDeleteIt gets confusing when the other person is in a bad place. You rationalize to yourself that once they get that sorted out things will change. And things might. Or they might not. But, it's tough when you know the other person is going through things that really have nothing to do with you EXCEPT that it completely disrupts your relationship.
Deleteoh yes!! Boy do I get it. I can list 3 guys I also waited for their calls and their attention. It so sucks when its one sided but the optimistic side of me tells me it will be worth it when they Do call. Nice song choice!!!
ReplyDeleteYep. It'll all be worth it when they sort their crap out and make me a priority....
DeleteIf a gal ever and I do mean EVER has to call a guy, they just ain't "that much into you.". Perhaps that is why they take off..... men are the born hunters so let them do the hunting and it doesn't hurt to play a little hard to get. The gal is still pulling the strings but the guy THINKS he is. Hahaha Now if my granddaughter can only learn that. She did with the last one and told me, "It really does work if I play a little hard to get."
ReplyDeleteAnother thing.... they always return. Here's a weird true story..... just this morning a gal friend called and I told her 2 old bf's were trying to get back into my life. Imagine that at age 85. I said they are prob ill and are looking for a nurse. LOL They can keep right on looking. Hahaha
It's always nice when you find a song to help you through the blues.
PS I forgot.. A cute picture and he is a handsome dude. You look beautiful.
DeleteYou know what, Manzi... you are so right. Men really like to chase and feel like they are in charge. Of course, that is really hard for them when other aspects of their lives are not working. So, sometimes it really isn't about you. They need to fix something else so that they can be with anyone.
DeleteIf you can step back and give them space, if they were at all serious, they'll be back. Just on their timetable.
So, it all depends on if you have the time and want to give it.
Thanks. J1 was a good looking fella. And he was a genuinely nice guy. He was very confused about where he was going (in terms of his life) and that indecision resulted in... well, an inability to settle on anything else (including me).
For anyone who's been in a relationship where you feel way more invested than the other person.... well, chances are you're way more invested than the other person.
ReplyDeleteThe story of my romantic life..I had five women that came immediately to mind as I read your words.
In fact, one lady that I was too invested in stayed in in my life as a friend for a while and cautioned me about another lady I was too invested in-she told me that I "fall too hard."
I did. I do, And it always hurts.
But haven't treaded romantic waters for quite some time, so have no fresh scars.
Larry
Well, that is irony. One lady you were too invested in cautions you about being too invested in someone else. Yikes.
DeleteI don't choose all that well, either, Larry. Obviously.
A healthy relationship takes alot from both parties
ReplyDeleteYep. When I figure out the whys and wherefores you'll know it. You can bet there will be a blog...
DeleteWhen you figure out the whys and wherefore so you'll probably want to write a book....you'll make millions!
DeleteI'm banking on that;)
DeleteI have noticed it is the natural reaction for commenters to rise to the defense of their blogger in cases like this. Because for one, we are getting a lot of one side of the story and an "artists conception" of the other. Because we like you, and the other person must be icky. And maybe because we don't want to say "God, why don't you just wake up?" on our end while you're saying, "God, why didn't I wake up?" on the other.
ReplyDeleteIve noticed that when I rant about work, no matter how nice a light I try to put on the "bad guy" of the story, and how much blame I put on myself, I get comments back that make my boss sound like Simon LeGree and me like Sweet Polly Purebread. Even harder when you are telling something you have already lived through, and gathered the lessons from, for a commenter to have a recourse save to pig-pile the villain.
That said, You had more strength than I would have in just letting it peter out. I drive myself nuts wanting resolution. I would have forced it until I got annoying. Nothing like yer good ole self-fulfilling prophecy.
You are absolutely right. As great as this blogging forum is, you only get one side of the story. AND I'm the first person to acknowledge that much of this soundtrack story (aka my life story) is head banging material and I'm not referring to a style of music!
DeleteI'm not as good as you think at "letting it go" as we will read later. Of course, had he not contacted me AGAIN just when I was over it... I guess it all would've been different. Gah!
Oh gosh...Been there! Done that! I cringe when I think about it now but hindsight is 20/20 and I feel I had to go through that crap to learn. I still hate that I acted that way but I bet every person has had a relationship like that in one form or another.
ReplyDeleteYes, this experience was tuition.
DeleteSome people (yes, I'm looking at myself) tend to do the same thing over and over again... not really seeing the pattern, well until I finally saw the pattern. Yikes.
Hi Robin,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that I've been struggling to keep up. Thus, I shall attempt some semblance of comment on this post.
A truly loving relationship is about compromise and understanding. I've been in relationships where it was a one-way street of me just giving and the response was indifference.
Take care, my kind friend.
Gary
No worries Gary. I know that life can be a struggle. Sometimes we're winning and sometimes we're hanging on by our fingernails.
DeleteIt's funny how I see it now versus then. Heck, even now versus a few years ago. It's taken me a long time to really gain any sort of clarity.
ReplyDeleteWell you were a cute couple in the looks department. :) We've all been over-invested at one point, that I'm sure of... def. not a fun thing.
ReplyDeleteWhy thanks Rosie!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteHokey-Smoke, GIRL WONDER! How many songs does J1 get?
ReplyDeleteFor a guy who didn't treat you right, he sure gets a lot of tunes to be remembered by.
Ha! Apparently DiscConnected was right: I think we're looking at a 12-disc boxed set here... with a bonus DVD maybe. My Soundtrack pales by comparison. I think I'll have enough for one compact disc... perhaps. And maybe a small booklet with some liner notes. :o)
~ D-FensDogG
Well, my relationship with J1 lasted longer than any other. We were on and off for seven years. So, I'm afraid that there will be more. Though, I will try and stick with the important turns. Unfortunately, some of those turns could've been avoided if I'd turned differently early on. Oh well...
DeleteA one-sided relationship rarely works and it can be very painful and disruptive to one's psyche. I think it tends to happen a lot among young people with wandering minds and little sense of commitment. Building a relationship can be so complex and difficult and often heartbreaking.
ReplyDeleteArlee Bird
Soundtrack of My Life--El Cumbanchero
Wrote By Rote
There is irony here. I spent the first couple of years tenaciously hanging on to this relationship. Can you guess how it ends?
DeleteOkay, I get it! J1 was the pitts, but what a fun song! I felt like dusting the furniture while it was playing. Thank you Robin!
ReplyDeleteActually, J1 was just going through a rough time. I think the lesson here was for me in what I will and won't accept from the people in my life. I can't say I learned it at this time, but I'm hoping I'm now older and wiser.
Delete