DAY 1: DEAR BEST FRIEND(S)

Dear Jennifer,
I am not sure that I have ever told you what a blessing you have been to me. Without you, junior high school would have been a nightmare. However, even more than that, I would not have known what it was to be a best friend to another person. You taught me that. You radiated kindness, genorousity, grace, a loving spirit, and honor like a beacon. You never told me when I stepped out of bounds, which I did on a number of occasions, but I always could see it in your eyes. I then had to set about a way of making it right to whomever I had just been a tad too Much with, in the name of Robin's Stand Up Routine (which was an ongoing show). You played an excellent straight man, by the way. And you never complained once.
When I saw Beaches in college, I sat in the theatre and wondered if that was how you felt. Were you content to let me shine and be the wind beneath my wings? Yeah. I was the one with all the glory, but you were the one with all the strength. I wonder if you think of me when you hear that song, like I think of you.
I'm sorry that your life has been so hard, and that we have always lived so far away from each other. I have finally cut myself a break on that advice I gave you when you called me looking for that pep talk. I gave you the best advice I could give with the information I had. You were working two jobs, going to school, and your husband wasn't working at all. You were mad and I agreed that you had a right to be. There was no way we could know that the tiredness he was complaining about was the beginnings of cancer. People don't go to the doctor when they don't have health insurance because they are tired. I'm so sorry that by the time he did go it was in his lymph nodes and he only lived four more months. I'm sorry that he died leaving you to be a single mother to a toddler. But, I am so proud of you for taking some time for yourself to reboot and then taking your life back. Your daughter is just starting first grade and you are newly married and I hope that your struggles make you appreciate all of your blessings. I am always only a phone call away. I love you.
Love,
Robin

Dear Jen,
This is a difficult letter to write. We haven't spoken in eleven years. I have recently called you and left messages, but they go unreturned. You have drawn your own line in the sand. I will respect it even if I don't like it. There was a time when you knew me better than anyone else in the entire world. And I thought that I knew you. I think that I did. I just didn't know the you that married the abusive husband. You got lost after that. I couldn't find you again. You started lying to me and you wouldn't leave him, no matter what he did to you. At the time, I didn't understand abuse at all. I didn't know what it does to the mind of the abusee. I rode that out for three years with you, and was relieved when he left you for his pregnant mistress after he got his green card.
My relief didn't last long. You soon began dating someone even worse than your ex-husband. This man had stalked one of our mutual friends, Sue. You went with her to the police station three or four years earlier to take out a restraining order on this man. This man is/was still married to your cousin. You were putting every relationship that you had in jeopardy to date him. Eventually, after this man used the key that Sue gave you to her apartment to go in there and manhandle her things, push came to shove. She told you that she couldn't be friends with you anymore if you stayed with him. You stayed. I never heard from you again.
I am sorry about so many things here. Mostly I am sorry that you didn't believe in yourself enough to leave your husband. He told you a couple of months into the marriage that he was cheating on you was going to continue cheating on you. You are worth so much more than that. I don't know why you could not see that. I am sorry that you took up with a man that you knew would drive wedge between you and your friends. Maybe between you and your family. Mostly I am sorry that you cannot see how wonderful you are and that you deserve so much better.
Love,
Robin

Dear Sue,
We went through so much even in college. There is that saying that your friends are the family that you choose. I always thought that was you and me. The family that you choose. Of course, we went through all of the break-ups and breakdowns that go along with boys and college. However, I felt like we really bonded when I was one of the people that you came to when you decided to pursue finding out who your biological parents were. And getting to be there when those bits of information started coming in. I remember the first bit was devastating, and we all had a huge cry over it. After that, you just became determined to find out what was what. Some of my favorite memories are of us when we were living in Queens by ourselves. It was just the two of us and we owned pretty much nothing. It was the emptiest apartment I have ever seen. Our living room had my old rocking chair and an end table. That was it. We spent all week working on the New York Times Crossword puzzle. And talking and laughing. Of course, I was job hunting in there, too. Then I got a job, Jen moved in, we got furniture and a TV, Wes moved in, and it was suddenly crowded, and we didn't do the crossword anymore.
Through all of my moves we kept in touch. Savannah, Michigan, Ohio, Augusta. And we stayed close. Like family. We went on that Europe trip in 1999, and it remains the best trip ever. I never thought there would be a day that I couldn't call you. You even hung in through my abusive marriage. Well, through some of it. You hung in until your sister died in a car accident. You just don't see those things coming. I wanted to support you in that like I always had. I supported you all the way down the line in finding your biological parents. But, you slammed the door on me with the death of your sister. Honestly, I didn't understand it. You and your sister were never close. But you pulled the trucks around to fortify the ranks and I was not one of the trucks. You only took one of my calls and that was to ask me not to call again. You were going through a hard time and couldn't deal with anyone who wasn't family.
About two years later on our Williamsburg trip I got the distinct feeling that you were upset with me, because I didn't want to hold your baby all of the time, or feed it like Roberta did. It wasn't any of those things. I was still plagued with horrible daily migraines and just "being" was hard for me. I also didn't participate in everything you guys did, and, again I felt like that bugged you. However, there were times I just had to lie down. My head was killing me. All in all, that trip reinforced for me that our connection was lost. Several months later, maybe even a year, I sent an email out to you, and several other close friends going into detail how my ex was sabotaging my life without me knowing it. I also went on to explain about the deterioration of my health, and what the doctors had discovered, how I was going to have to sell my house. It was a "my life has come apart at the seams letter." I never heard a word from you. But, you don't have to feel too guilty. You weren't the only only one who blew me off. I only actually heard from one person out of about twenty. The rest were just as disinterested as you. I am sorry that I thought we were family when, in truth, we were just fair weather friends.
Peace Out,
Robin

Dear Megan,
don't know quite how to thank someone for just being themselves. I love the fact that you are you, and your you is the opposite of me. Not totally opposite, just opposite in lots of cool ways. I love that you are quiet and that makes you mysterious. That is why we became friends. I had to unravel the puzzle that is Megan. I love that you know how to sew and iron and bake. Who does these things? Not me. But you do! I love that when you travel you carry a sewing kit. I would be lost without you. Because you know who doesn't have a sewing kit? Me. I love that you are so smart about cool stuff. I am short on an example right now, but you know the darndest things. I love that you don't judge people by what is on the outside, but by what is on the inside. You have this way of looking inside of someone and knowing if there is anything worthwhile in there. That is an excellent superpower to have. I love how you can deliver a joke with a totally straight face so that a person never sees it coming. *Bang* Mostly, I love your loyalty.
I haven't seen you since I married The Operator, but I know that if I needed you, you would be there. You were the only person who responded to my Life Is Going Off The Rails Email. And you didn't respond by email. You picked up the phone and you called. And the first thing you said was, "Do I need to get on a plane?" And then I started crying and I said that wasn't necessary. Although, it probably was. I just didn't want anyone to see me like that. So, my dear friend, you are the best. I am sure I will never tell you how much that meant to me, because I am just a moron like that, but it meant the world. I love you.
Love,
Robin

Dear Mom,
I am not sure when we went from mother and daughter to friends. And then you became my best friend. But, that is what has happened. You are now the first person I want to tell when I get good or bad news. I miss you when you and Steve go on vacation. I tell you that I don't, and that I love having the house to myself, but that's a lie. I miss you. I see you getting older. Heck, I see me getting older. It scares me. I can't imagine living in this world without you in it. When I was a kid, I thought the worst thing in the world would be to turn into you. When I was married to The Operator, I heard my voice saying your words, and I knew that it had happened, despite myself. The thing was this: those words now sounded pretty darn smart. And right. They were a lot more right than they sounded when I was on the receiving end. What I realized was this: as a parent you gave me the precious gifts of consistency, morals/values, and respect. Mom, you might never see this, but this says better than I could just how I feel about you.

I love you. Love, Robin image stolen from Miss Angie at My So-Called Chaos