Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label peace. Show all posts

Friday, October 1, 2010

EIGHT TO THE EIGHT TO THE EIGHT AGAIN!


It seems like a lifetime ago, but I tagged Purple Cow, at Australian in Athens, with 8 questions to answer. I totally forgot about it when she didn't answer them. Then, for no good reason, she decided that yesterday would be a good day to tackle that project. I was thrilled until she tagged me back. There is a penalty for that I am certain somewhere in The Blogger's Handbook. If I could find mine I would cite it and call her out. Anyway, she answered my eight questions and then created eight of her own, per the rules, and tagged eight people, including me. Which I am sure is illegal.

I am still participating in the letter writing challenge. Tomorrow, however, is Inspirational Song Saturday, which I am totally looking forward to, and if you haven't dropped in on one of them, I hope you will. I always pick one song/video that is inspirational to me in that moment. And then I highlight an artist/band from the 80s that rocked MTV. Yeah... that was back when they actually played music on MTV pretty much 24/7. My focus is the videos that used the weight of video to give their song forward momentum on the radio. A well done video had the potential to move a song up the charts faster than say... just a concert video. We have already looked at some of the masters: Madonna, Michael Jackson, and Duran Duran (blowing kisses at John Taylor). Okay, I am over that. But, there is still a lot of territory to cover and it is so much fun.

Let's move on to Purple Cow and her questions...

1) Why do you blog? Have the reasons changed as you've been doing it?

Ironically enough, I wrote an entire blog devoted to this subject matter. Obviously, I have a lot to say about it. I suppose if you care enough about the answer you can click here to read it because I am not retyping it.


2) Why do they ask "What animal are you most like?" at job interviews? And what could they possibly learn about the person being interviewed when they ask this question? (Also feel free to share any other stupid questions you've been asked at job interviews).

I have never been asked what animal I am most like in a job interview and that is good news, because I am sitting here sifting through all of the information in my brain and coming up empty. That would not look good in a job interview. Probably a bear. They are seriously protective of their young or even those in their protection. I am not real knowledgeable on wild animals, but they strike me as the do what is necessary kind of animal. Not the kind to back down from a fight if they feel threatened or they are protecting their family. So, I will go with the bear.

One real question that I did get asked that wasn't a stupid question, but to which I gave a stupid answer was this one: "What would be your ideal job?"

Without thinking, I said, "I would love to write novels."

I was applying for a commission sales job to sell maintenance supplies. Not the right answer, but I got the job anyway. Turns out I loved it. Not as much as writing, but I really did like that job.


3) If you were to arrange a rendezvous with your 18-year-old self what would you say to yourself? How much would you have in common? Would you accuse yourself of something?

I would have a lot to say. All of it would take me off of this lifepath. However, I now see why I am here. Every rotten experience that I would dearly love to tell 18 year old me to avoid has contributed to the person that I am today. If I were to do that, I wouldn't be the same person sitting here typing this answer. I wouldn't be the person with this Big Idea that the world needs so much. I suppose I would just hug her and tell her that she will go through a lot of crap. However, it will be alright. There will be lots of days when it won't feel like it, but it will be alright.


4) Imagine me? What do I look like? (Skip this one Robin as you've already seen me on FB)

I try to imagine what your life is actually like. I know what you look like. But your day-to day life still stymies me somewhat. For instance, I wonder how many people in your real life actually know you. I imagine many of them think that they know you. But, do they really? You appear to be this working woman with children and a husband living a fairly ordinary life. Do they know how smart you are? Do they know how well you write? Do they have any idea how you think? Do they know the real you or just the superficial you? The nice, pleasant facade that you show to the world. We all have one. How many people in your real life actually know you? This is what I imagine when I think of you. I think the number is fairly small, which is why you started blogging in the first place. It is also the reason I can't understand why you would want to quit. To go back to just being the you before you started blogging. That is what I imagine when I think of you.


5) Have you ever surprised yourself with your own wickedness?

Unfortunately, yes. Usually I was drunk and my better sense had deserted me. Where does that better sense go? I am not getting into details here because it is well.... wicked.


6) What makes you special and different from this blob called humanity?

I think everyone is special and different. We are all given gifts. The trick is figuring out what your gift is and then using it. Of course, you can use your gift for good or ill. I suppose I should say gifts, because it is certainly possible, and often necessary, to have more than one. I was being general and you asked about me specifically. I have a gift for sales. I am good at that. I see the problems in our healthcare system that extend beyond insurance. For people who are chronically ill and misdiagnosed or undiagnosed, it can be devastating if it goes on long enough. I understand that because I lived that. I plan to take those two gifts and put them together to create a solution to that problem. That is what makes me special. I am going to then reach out my hands to all of you and ask you to reach out and so on and so on. It is all about assisting people in their journey from illness to wellness.


7) Do you ever wonder if you are wrong about everything you currently believe and hold to be true? And if it turns out that none of it is as it seems would you wish to be told the TRUTH a minute before you die or die not knowing at all?

No. I don't wonder if I am wrong about everything I believe is true. If I have some things wrong, I would just as soon die believing them if they make me happy. If, for instance, I believed something about someone that was or wasn't true and it made me sad or unhappy, I would rather know the truth before I died. It would be a truth that gave me peace. Any truth that gives peace or relief, I would rather know.


8) So how come it's 8 questions? Why not 5, 7 or 10? Why 8? Do you want more or do you wish you'd had less?

Beats me. That was just how it rolled out. I am glad that there aren't any more!


Okay, people, the rules are that you are supposed to make up eight questions and pass this on to eight people. I have already done this twice. I am not doing it again. However, if you are looking for some blog material, haven't done this yet and want to, or just feel bored, you can have at it. Just use Purple Cow's questions, pick eight people, and make up eight questions of your own.


image found at www.weheartit.com

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

THE WORLD NEEDS LOVE

Normally, I would save this piece of youtube footage for tomorrow and HERE'S TO YOU THURSDAY. However, I am not convinced that YOU are convinced that I pick excellent footage, and it is all worthy of being watched. This particular bit of footage is *important.* So, it is being culled from the rest. It is being dedicated to two specific people, but it is FOR EVERYONE. As always, please turn off the sound on the music player at the bottom of the page.

This is for Kate at The Cow Jumped Over The Moon and Phoenix at Res Ipsa Loquitur:




Yesterday was a hard day.

I woke up at 8am sobbing and crying in the throes of a dream that I can still recall very clearly. In my dream, I was back in the house that I grew up in. My father was in the middle of active demolition to the house. He had on goggles and was actively tearing apart the house. He had a bunch of guys hanging out with him (I didn't recognize them, but in my mind they were his friends). They weren't really helping, but they weren't stopping him, either. Oddly enough, I had no feelings whatsoever about what my father was doing. I wasn't shocked, disturbed, angry ~ nothing. The picture below is of me and the neighbor across the street with our dog, Hershey, as a puppy.

I just wanted to find my mother. She wasn't there for the longest time. Finally she came back. My main concern was what was going to happen to our family dog, Hershey. That was why I was looking for my mom. As soon as my mom came home that was what I asked her. "Are you taking Hershey with you?" I could see that my mom was leaving this crazy place, and I wanted to make sure that she took the dog. She said, "I can't." I got really angry with her. And I know that I said some things about how crazy things were here and how could she leave Hershey here, etc. She just kept saying, "I can't." The photo below is Hershey is all grown up.


That was when I lost it. That was when the crying and sobbing started. I screamed at her. I distinctly remember saying this: "I HATE YOU. YOU DISGUST ME SO MUCH THAT I CAN'T EVEN BEAR TO LOOK AT YOU!" And that was when I woke up in the throes of a full cry.

After about ten more minutes of crying, I got up and found mom in the living room working a puzzle. I shared this disturbing dream with her. She wasn't mad. She knew I didn't hate her. By then, I was in the middle of a terrible migraine. I went back to bed and took my pain medication. It would be nice if that stuff put you to sleep. It doesn't. So, I thought about my dream. The more I thought about it, the more I knew that no one and nothing was what it actually was. Normally, dream interpretation isn't my strong suit. But... I am not going to take you through my process because it just came to me. I don't really have a process.

The guy who looked like my dad was actually my ex-husband
The friends of my dad were actually the friends of my ex-husband
The house being torn apart was actually my life
My mom was actually me
Hershey was actually C-Man and H-Girl

Wow. That was enlightening. The good news was that all of that work on forgiveness that I had done with my ex has taken. Even though he was the one doing the demolition to my life I didn't harbor ANY anger towards him at all. Therapy does work. That is encouraging. I do believe that not forgiving someone only hurts you and does not hurt them one bit. They carry on quite happily while you stew in it.

The thing that kept me in that marriage for way longer than was healthy was my need to save C-Man and H-Girl. My mother says that I have nothing to forgive myself for, because I couldn't save them in the end. My health was so bad that it was a them or me situation; I stayed in it too long as it was. I spent two years before I left exploring every legal avenue of how to get those kids and there are NONE. If you are not the biological parent, you have NO OPTIONS.

I thought that I had made peace with this a long time ago. The fact that it was a situation that I had no control over, couldn't change, was unhealthy for me, and in the end I did the best that I could.... well, I knew all of that logically. However, I just told myself off pretty good. In fact, I don't think anyone has ever talked to me quite so hatefully as I talked to myself in that dream.

Forgiveness can be a process. It is harder to forgive yourself than anyone else... even when you didn't actually do anything wrong. Even when you did the best that you could. And so I say to you ~ the blogging world at large ~ in the words of Louise Hay: "The person that you think that you cannot forgive is the person that you must forgive." And if you are sitting there thinking that you don't know how on earth you are going to do that. Stop focusing on that. Just focus on the desire to forgive and stay focused on that and the forgiveness will come. It will show up one day like an uninvited guest that you are really happy to see. It doesn't matter if that person is someone else or yourself. Forgiveness. It makes your burden lighter.

Now more than ever the world needs love. Not just a slogan, the world needs love. Now more than ever, I can't stand alone. Now more than ever.
~John Mellencamp