Me... I'm thrilled that I FINALLY pitted two contenders against one another that kept this race interesting. Perry Como and Johnny Mathis both looked like they could win this thing right up until the end. (If you missed it, the song was It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas.) So, how did it all turn out?
Perry Como: 13
Johnny Mathis: 12 (including my vote)
This was so close. One more vote from you guys for Johnny Mathis and I could've made it a tie. Two more votes and I could've chosen the winner. I call that *close.* And a win really. Two stellar versions of this song... so there really wasn't a "loser" here.
I'm not going to call the rest of this post a "Soundtrack" post, though it will get a song. Since it's present day, it'd be jumping way ahead. (For the record, I intend to get back to regularly scheduled blogging in January.) For my readers who've been around longer, you may remember the post about Jack. It was a Battle of the Bands. The song was Wicked Game. You can find it HERE if you're interested.
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| Jack took this picture on our second date. December 31, 2005. |
As we roll closer to December 27 he takes up more space in my head.
Come up to meet you. Tell you I'm sorry. You don't know how lovely you are. I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart.
December 27 is making me a little bit crazy you see. December 27 was the day he killed himself. For the longest time I thought it was the 28th, but I read his obituary recently. It was the 27th.
December 27 was the day of our first date. Is this a coincidence? I don't know. I seriously don't know. Did he remember that it was the day of our first date? Sigh. Some people are really good about remembering the date of "important events." For instance, I can tell you the date of my wedding and the date stamped on my divorce papers. Ironically, the same day, which never fails to make me smile just a little bit. You can't tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor. BUT, my ex-husband could tell you the day of OUR first date. I can't. It was in May. I think I've tried to forget it. BUT, I know I could call him right now and he'd be able to tell me (because he mentioned it rather frequently way back when). It was significant to him since it was the day his (first) wife left him. Again, God and that sense of humor.
I'm moving off the track. Sort of. You see I don't know if December 27 had any meaning for Jack. If he actually CHOSE it. Or if he just lost it on that day and that was it.
Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions. Running in circles; coming up tails. Heads on a science apart.
It seems like I spend so much time (too much time) thinking about all the things I've done and wish I could do differently. In this case, I'd take back an email I sent him after he called me. He was a mess. I knew that place because it looked very much like my life when he and I were dating (and quit dating) because I had to sell my house and move in with my parents. A mess. I didn't have the energy for a relationship because my life was so messed up. I didn't know that at the time, but I didn't. I needed to get healthy. (Heck, I'm still working toward THAT goal.) So, when we talked and I thought "maybe we can work this out," my next thought was "that isn't healthy or realistic right now."
Nobody said it was easy. It's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard. Oh, take me back to the start.
So, I sent him an email telling him that I understood where he was and that he should just take care of himself. Give himself the time and focus to get better and then we'd see where we were. I wanted to take the pressure off. I never heard from him, so I don't know if he even got it. I'm going to assume he did. However, he didn't respond. I'd say that was unusual, but it wasn't.
In that email, I meant take care of yourself. But I wonder if he read kiss off. You see, I was just guessing at numbers and figures, pulling your puzzles apart. Questions of science. Science and progress cannot speak as loud as my heart.
And the thing is I'll never know. What I know is that he killed himself on December 27. A day I used to love. Now a day I hate.
Tell me you love me. Come back and haunt me. Oh, and I rush to the start. Running in circles. Chasing tails. Coming back as we are.
No one ever said it would be this hard.
