I'm back a day late with Battle of the Band results (gave you all one extra day to get those votes in). The song was Ho Hey. The Lumineers vs. The Stella Sisters. How did it turn out? Well, really good. More of you than I expected had heard of The Lumineers. None of you had heard of The Stella Sisters, and even those who didn't vote for them... liked them. I'd say that was a successful battle. It was a tight race for a while. They were tied, then The Lumineers pulled ahead, and then The Stella Sisters came from behind and took the race. Here's the final tally with my vote..
The Lumineers: 10
The Stella Sisters: 15
My vote is for The Stella Sisters, though I really like the version by The Lumineers. The Stella Sisters are on the TV show Nashville. Every week they shock me with how darn good they are.
On to The Soundtrack of My Life.
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| Family Pic just before it all came tumbling down. My dad looks fine, doesn't he? Oh how deceiving a picture can be. |
When I was ten years old, my dad became very sick. I'm trying to remember what I know now vs then (because they are very different). I didn't really get it then. He was sick. He stopped going to work. My mom drove him to Miami to the VA Hospital where he stayed for what seemed a long time. I have no idea how long it actually was. He spent a lot of time pacing the back yard. And still... I didn't really have a clue as to what was going on or how sick he was.
So, I was shocked when my parents made the decision to sell our house in Florida and move to Ohio. We'd be living with my grandparents for an undetermined length of time.
At first, all I could think about was the loss of my dancing. Missing my friends. Kid stuff. And it stayed that way for a long time.
It was when we were in Ohio and I overheard my mom talking to Grandma that I grasped what was happening. My mom said something like, "I'm really afraid Bob (my dad) might die." And my grandma said something in agreement with that, and probably followed it up with something reassuring. I just remember hearing the words "dad" and "die" in the same sentence.
As anyone who's read this blog for any length of time knows... my dad didn't actually die until 2011. So, this wasn't the end for him. It was the end for life as we knew it. He eventually got better and we moved out of my grandparents' house. But that idyllic time from the last post was over. I now knew about death and dying and that it can happen to anyone at any time. The world is not a safe place.
Well I was moving at the speed of sound.
Head-spinning, couldn't find my way around, and
Didn't know that I was going down.
Yeah, yeah.
Where I've been, well it's all a blur.
What I was looking for, I'm not sure.
Too late and didn't see it coming.
Yeah, yeah.
And then I crashed into you,
And I went up in flames.
Could've been the death of me,
But then you breathed your breath in me.
And I crashed into you,
Like a runaway train.
Your will consumed me,
But I can't walk away.
Somehow, I couldn't stop myself.
I just wanted to know how it felt.
Too strong, I couldn't hold on.
Yeah, yeah.
Now I'm just tryin' to make some sense
Out of how and why this happened.
Where we're heading, there's just no knowing.
Yeah, yeah.
And then I crashed into you,
And I went up in flames.
Could've been the death of me,
But then you breathed your breath in me.
And I crashed into you,
Like a runaway train.
Your will consumed me,
But I can't walk away.
From your face, your eyes
Are burning to me.
You saved me, you gave me
Just what I need.
Oh, just what I need.
And then I crashed into you,
And I went up in flames.
Could've been the death of me,
But then you breathed your breath in me.
And I crashed into you,
Like a runaway train.
Your will consumed me,
But I can't walk away.
And then I crashed into you,
And then I crashed into you,
And then I crashed into you,
And then I crashed into you,
And I crashed into you,
Like a runaway train.
Your will consumed me,
But I can't walk away.
Do you remember when you discovered the world simply isn't a safe place? It rocked my world. How did you take it?
If you're enjoying these posts, feel free to share your own Soundtrack. This isn't a hop. No requirements at all, but a suggestion to do it one song at a time. (If you participated in the hop several years ago, you can still do this. Just post them one song at a time, with the freedom to add more songs if you'd like.) I'll link to all participants at the bottom of each of these posts:
StMcC Presents BATTLE OF THE BANDS
I knew both BOB versions. My daughter showed me the Stellar Sisters awhile ago, I think on YouTube. ;)
ReplyDeleteI always knew about death, my dad passed when my mom was 9mos. expecting (me). Visiting his grave for the first time though was the first time my world was really rocked. I remember crying and his mom chastising me to stop, but I couldn't.
Rosie, I got here this morning only to realize I hadn't gone back and filled in how the voting actually turned out. You're very kind to not say anything. I'd have been, "Well what WAS the vote????"
DeleteI suspect that your grandma was barely holding it together, so hearing you cry... well, it brought her way too close to breaking down. I think it would've been healthier for her to just cry it out with you, but then how often do we choose the healthy thing to do???? I'm so sorry that you never knew your dad and grew up without him. That's learning WAY TOO YOUNG that the world isn't a safe place.
Ah, tons of years later and I still hadn't considered her perspective (I guess because she was a gruff lady who really didn't like me much). But you're right, she probably was struggling with her own emotions, that was her only son and he died very young, and in a very bad way. She probably was a mess too. Thank you for the clarity.
DeleteThank you for revealing so much about yourself in posts like this one, Robin. Now that I know the basics of what took place in the years after you and your family posed for that portrait, I am compelled to look for clues but, like you, cannot find any. Thank you for sharing the Daughtry song. The words ring true and resonate with me, reminding me of my own journey.
ReplyDeleteI discovered that the world is not a safe place when, at age 5, I was surrounded by a gang of bullies at a park and beaten about the face and body with rubber hoses. I was the new kid on the block and made the mistake of visiting a park that they had apparently claimed as their private turf.
Thank you again for sharing here today, Robin, and for leaving such a thoughtful comment on my blog for 103 year old Margaret. Kind and considerate new friends like you helped make Margaret's "comment shower" a smashing success and we are all grateful to you.
Mr. Shady,
DeleteAs I've begun to write these posts and choose the songs... it only reminds me how un-unique my experience is. We tend to feel like our experience is this new thing that happened to us (and us alone). Not true. We've all been through hard times, made many of the same realizations... we've just taken different journeys to get there.
I think that maybe it makes our own journey easier to know we're not alone.
Anyway, I'm sorry that you experienced bullying in such a painful way. Is there a non-painful way? Mostly I'm sorry that there are bullies.
Margaret's daughter wrote a wonderful post about her. I enjoyed reading it very much.
I was 10 when my grandmother died. The anniversary was yesterday, actually. I still think of it on that day every year. I think we all have these moments when we go from naive to vulnerable and it changes us irrevocably. Sadly, it is part of the maturing process.
ReplyDeleteYes, I think so too.
DeleteWhen I was quite young, I found out that my dad wished I'd been a boy. I was the first child to young parents. I saw my parents fighting when I was about 4 or 5 yrs of age, and I dearly loved my mother. Hence I grew to dislike my father intensely. We never got along. I stayed away from him as much as I could, and left home to go to college and never moved back. I found out after he passed on that had a mental illness that the family kept hidden. All the time I was growing up, I just thought he was mean and hated me. He had trouble getting along with people of all kinds, but we kids didn't know that. . .I learned early not to trust adults with what they 'say'.
ReplyDeleteSometimes parents (and adults) do things with the best of intentions, but it just doesn't work out that way. It would've been so much easier for you had you understood your dad suffered with mental illness. Maybe it's all part of the process of learning how to be a better adult?
DeleteI lost my grandparents before I was old enough to really know them. The reality hit me when I was a senior in high school and one of my friends drowned on a family outing. There was an empty place in our group that never quite filled in.
ReplyDeleteIt's a bad thing when old(er) people pass on. It's shocking when it's a young person.
DeleteI've always hated when people pass. I didn't like funerals as a child and still don't.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. Brought a tear to my eye.
I don't think anyone likes it. Knowing that someone isn't going to be here anymore... just tough.
DeleteI was a kid when my only grandfather died, and that was probably my first exposure to it. Death is a scary reality check for a kid.
ReplyDeleteYes, it is. Sometimes the IDEA of death is pretty scary, too.
DeleteI was lucky as a kid-except for grandparents, not much experience with death.
ReplyDeleteMy senior year of high school, a young lady I had been classmates with since kindergarten died in a car crash about three weeks before graduation. That was my first close brush with death. We had drifted apart during high school, so it was not as emotionally tough as it could have been, but it was a definite reality check.
That was the norm for the next decade and a half-I lost people who used to be close. It left a weird feeling, but not a void.
Then in 1998, I lost my sister, who was also my best friend, to cancer. That was tough. That left a void-I still miss her to this day, especially in times when I would have called her up for advice.
That's when the reality set it.
Pretty soon this is all gonna be gone. So enjoy it while you can. And if you have something to say to someone, say it while you have the chance.
LC,
DeleteI think we only escape losing someone we deeply care about for so long. It's inevitable that it catches up with us.
I like your last comment. Say it all now!
As much as I did like the Lumineers, I'm glad the girls won that Battle.
ReplyDeleteThings like sicknesses and family crises can often seem so scary when we're kids. I think the way we interpret what adults are saying and the way they say it can be confusing to kids. I'm sure it was a scary time for you. Glad your Dad made it through that ordeal.
I was mostly sheltered from death when I was a kid, but there were a few times that made me a bit afraid and realize that things could change for the worse at any time.
Arlee Bird
A to Z Challenge Co-host
Tossing It Out
I think change is hard at any age. Death is a very big change. And, yes, things can change for the worse at any time.
DeleteIt can be really scary for a child to think his or her parent is dying! Glad you dad made it though his illness.
ReplyDeleteMe too! He had lots of good years left in him!
DeleteIt can be really scary for a child to think his or her parent is dying! Glad you dad made it though his illness.
ReplyDeleteThat was a pretty good, tough-sounding song, ROBIN.
ReplyDeleteNow at the age of 55, I have lost A LOT of people close to me to that Great Happy Hunting Ground in the sky.
My Pa's Pa passed away when I was very young, so I only have a couple hazy "still photograph-like" images of him in my mind.
The first death that really hit me very hard was when my 5th and 6th grade teacher, Mr. Oldham, passed away suddenly at the beginning of the school year when I was in 7th grade. He was always my favorite teacher throughout my school life and in some ways I feel like things he passed on to me - thinks like character and sincerity - are still with me today.
~ D-FensDogG
'Loyal American Underground'
to that Great Happy Hunting Ground in the sky
DeleteIs it really in the sky?
And are we really going to have to hunt for all of eternity?
Not much of an afterlife for the hunted, huh?
I often think to myself that I've passed the halfway mark (of life), and more importantly I now have more people who're on The Other Side than this one. Somehow that makes the idea of dying a lot more bearable... most of my family is already there!
DeleteThank you for sharing that story of your teacher. Isn't it astounding how some people impact us so greatly... and others barely leave a scratch? I'm sorry your teacher passed so soon, but I sure am glad you got to learn from him.
Following you over here as well!
ReplyDeleteWow. You're not going to miss ANYTHING now;)
DeleteI remember death at an early age since I was 7 when my Uncle died of cancer. My parents believed that death is a part of life so we went to the funerals and were taught how to pay respect. I value this since I would have been shocked later on. I was also 7 when I knew life could be a very dangerous place and that people could look and sound nice but be anything but
ReplyDeleteSeven sounds like a rough year for you, Birgit. I'm so sorry. That is just too young to learn that life is so hard. And scary. And mean. Although, you've turned out beautifully... so, what do I know?
DeleteSo sorry. It's as though the dad you had died when you overheard the talk, even though he lived a lot longer. I can't remember if there was a moment for me like that, because I was always a depressed, neglected child (or so I think and remember.).
ReplyDeleteOn a happy note, I'm glad Stella Sisters won!
Well, I wouldn't put it like that exactly Robyn. My dad recovered. He changed a lot, and in many ways for the better. It was more about MY life changing. I learned that the world can turn on a dime. Kids don't have much control over their lives. The things I loved were about to get lost in this move. It was a lot all at one time... not that other people didn't have as much or more. I think that everyone has a "thing" that makes them see the world differently, and it usually happens way too young.
DeleteI'm sorry to hear that you felt neglected as a kid. There is so much bad stuff outside that it really makes it important to have good stuff inside.
I was nine when my mom was diagnosed with acute schizophrenia and hospitalized. Nothing was the same after that. My dad was our rock; the one who held the family together. I'm still trying to handle losing him last fall.
ReplyDeleteWow. That must've been horrible. I can't imagine trying to process that at nine. I'm so glad your dad was capable of being that rock for your family (because it meant everything for you kids). I also know what a loss losing a parent is. I still miss my dad, too.
DeleteWhen I was seven, my 'big sister- babysitter-friend' was seventeen, when she took her life. The afternoon before she left to go home and do it, she gave me her Johnny Mathis album. I pretty sure her favorite song was, "Too Young," because it's hard for me to hear it still.
ReplyDeleteNice that the Stella Sisters won! That was a tough battle, Robin.
I guess knowing someone can pass on from our lives is sort of a different lesson than the realization that they don't come back.
ReplyDeleteIt is almost as sad when a part of life dies as when a person dies. Thankfully, you still had the person. Like you, I miss the idyll of youth, that may or may not have been so nice as we remember... But I'd sure take a summer vacation day listening to music after cutting the grass, as a summer rumbler rolls in...
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to get here. I can't believe I missed your BOTB too. It's been crazy over the last few weeks, and I don't know whether I'm coming or going. I hope you can forgive me, Robin.
ReplyDeleteI'm also sorry you had to be uprooted at such a young age, and that you were living in constant fear of losing your dad. No one should have to go through that.
Julie