Earlier this week my friend Christine over at A Deliberate Life posted a blog that I am going to share here with you. I read it at least three times. I think it was the third reading when I decided to try subbing in the words "chronic migraines" for eating problems or overeating or any other similar version. I also subbed in "return to wellness or migraine improvement" for weight loss. It is a bit eerie how close to home this hit for me. I am often shocked, though I shouldn't be by now, how similar our journeys are. When I say "our" I don't just mean Christine and I... I mean the human race and I. Obstacles are obstacles and the overcoming of them is what it is all about to live a healthy, happy life. It was also more like 10 years to the 20 she referenced, but you get the idea. The parts that are in bold are mine. These sentiments were like... wow.
This is what Christine wrote on her post fighting to get even:
I fought to level.
I fought to even ground.
All my life I have been in a deficit.
When I lost weight...
I wanted to skip the rest of it..
I wanted to believe I had done all I needed to do..even though I knew I hadn't.
It took me 20 some odd years to come to grips with my eating problems..
Finding out I had more shit under there was discouraging.
I just wanted to be better!
When I got down to a weight where men were noticing me..
it scared the shit out of me.
so badly I nearly fainted.
That was when I knew I couldn't ignore it...or act my way better.
I had to fix it.
So I took self defense classes.
Then I knew my marriage wasn't what it should be...
because even though my husband was better towards me because I lost weight.
he was better towards me because I lost weight.
The solving of the problem created a problem.
One I couldn't ignore...and it began to expose other problems....that I couldn't ignore.
Any person who has lost a significant amount of weight...
and was using that weight to solve emotional issues,...
will have one hell of a surprise waiting at the end of their rainbow.
You don't get in that kind of predicament without living with a seriously faulty set of beliefs....about yourself, relationships, life and everything in it.
When you begin to correct how you see yourself, long term?
yeah...
When you no longer lose weight from self hatred..
and begin to have faith in yourself..
Your mindset will shift...and will no longer align with the people in your life.
Remember, those people were attracted to a person covering their pain with food....
or a person who had no boundaries.
or a person that wanted love so badly, they would accept even the chimera of it...a shadow.
and either they will change, you will change back...or one of you will have to leave.
IT is rare for both people to change.
It is nigh on a miracle.
Your weight loss is going to expose every crack in the dam.
This is why weightloss fails.
major weightloss.
Because ripping apart your whole life wasn't the deal...fitting in a bikini was the deal.
But your health is bigger than clothing...
all my life I have felt less than...
I had to tear it all down and fight like hell to get to a healthy even.
to even begin to build.
I spent three years fighting the notion that I still had to fight.
I was tired of it.
But I remained steady long enough..
when I got tired..I held steady..
gave it a rest.
You don't have to keep pushing all the time.
If it is a long ass battle...
sit down for a month or two and hold your ground.
Or hell, like me...a year here, or a year there.
take note of where you were and where you are headed.
And then move forward.
I tell you...
one day you will reach daylight.
and you will find.
fighting from even ground feels like fighting from high ground when you are so used to being in a hole.
fighting for so long teaches you how to fight.
teaches you patience.
I am ten times stronger for it.
So keep fighting.
It may not be fair that you have to fight so hard...when others came out the shoot even.
but like a bone that fractures and heals..fractures and heals..
you become nearly unbreakable.
Chris out.
I have nothing to add to that.
Robin out.
This brought me to tears. A mirror holding my reflection, is what those words made me see. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteRobin-
ReplyDeleteI'm going to copy the comment I left on Christine's blog (which I found via this post).
I found this post from Robin's Your Daily Dose blog.
Congratulations. Not for the weight loss, although that is a remarkable achievement as well.
You have learned what, in my observation, most people do not during their entire life.
Your feeling of self-worth should not come from other people-it should come from within.
It amazes me how so many people base every action in their life on what someone else will think.
A sure recipe for failure.
The lift you get when you fit into that smaller size dress is a nice bonus, as are the second glances from men you catch when they think you don't notice, but the incredible power you have found by not letting the rest of the world dictate your actions is the best gift you could have given yourself.
Sorry for the long-winded comment-I guess I could have just said "great post."
Larry
I know far too many people who have not learned to just be cool with themselves. From there, if you want to change something, go for it.
But if we can't be happy with ourselves, what makes any of us think someone else can make us happy?
And for all of your lady readers contemplating making changes for men...we're really not worth it!
LC
Wow, powerful post. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteLarry's comment is fantabulous, too.
Yvonne ~ I am so glad that this hit you this way. We all need to see things from another perspective to give us that much-needed insight or push to keep going.
ReplyDeleteLarry ~ Well... great comment. Seriously, I am glad you left that on Christine's original post. I have been reading her blog since 2014 and I feel like we have grown and gotten healthy together. So many times she says just what I need to hear when I need to hear it. The only real change happens when you dig deep (not for someone else, but for yourself) because you realize you are living in a state of lack and it is simply no longer acceptable. But, doing that digging and making those changes sends out a ripple effect that you could never have anticipated and it is the reactions from the people with whom we are closest that make us take stock. Do we go on and risk losing those people or revert? When you understand that it is your health and wellness at stake there really is no other choice but to push on. But, sometimes you stay in that stopped place for quite a while because that, too, is a scary reality.
Susan ~ Yes, I think most people will find something with which to relate in this one.
Larry ~ I just went back and reread my comment. I really should proofread. I have been reading her blog since 2010. 2010. Not 2014.
DeleteBummer.
DeleteThat changes my entire world view!
I figured it was a typo.
There seem to be some people who kind of sprang forth from the womb knowing all of these lessons. The rest of us have to struggle for a few decades until we figure it out.
LC
Very powerful and emotive. It's so amazing to me how struggles, no matter what they're related to, have so many commonalities. It's something universal because we can all relate to a struggle of some sort.
ReplyDeleteIt is very inspiring, but also very eye-opening. The cracks do become exposed when there is a big change, and it's not always so easy as to fix it with a concrete filler.
ReplyDeleteOE ~ Yes, when I read something of this nature, I think about it first as it applies to THEM and then I reread it and think. "Is there anything here for me?" And so often there IS.
ReplyDeleterosey ~ Yeah, a concrete filler would be an easy fix. This is tough stuff.
LC ~
ReplyDelete>>... And for all of your lady readers contemplating making changes for men...we're really not worth it!
Speak for yourself, man!
~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'
I actually meant you when I typed that...
DeleteThis was very similar to the sermon I heard at the church I visited this morning. We need to deal with what's in our minds and do things for the right reasons.
ReplyDeleteLee
Wrote By Rote
StMc ~ I will leave this one for LC since you are responding to his comment.
ReplyDeleteArlee ~ Doing things for the right reason is the only way it sticks. We can't change because someone else wants it.
That was very, very powerful. Thanks for sharing this personal post by Chris.
ReplyDeleteIt's always worth fighting for wellness....regardless of the situation. All we can do is our best.
ReplyDeleteWell said and completely true. In terms of body, I'm the opposite. I was always very, very thin growing up, to the point of being sickly, and now that I'm athletic and in the best shape of my life I've found that that doesn't change a thing about who I am as a person. It was always one of those silly things where I thought, "Well, once I fix that, that'll just fix everything!" But the rest I've had to do myself, and it's still very much a work in progress.
ReplyDeleteOnly the strongest people can confront that hidden pain. That means Christine, and you too, Robin.
ReplyDeleteOf the two, which is my reason? Feel free to e-mail me, if you wish.
ReplyDeleteThis is deeply moving. You've both captured the struggles that so many people never come to terms with. I'm very impressed, but not surprised with the bravery that you and Christine have shown.
ReplyDeleteJulie