For My Broken Heart

In February of 2000 I began having dreams of a puppy.  Our family had dogs when I was a growing up, but I had never had a dog as an Adult.  Suddenly, I am dreaming about this Very Specific Dog out of the blue.  It plagued me to such an extent that I began to go to shelters in every place I worked.  I was a commission sales person and traveled for my job.  I was looking for a Puppy In My Dreams.  I didn't expect to find it right away.  I tracked her down in Aiken, SC.  She was adorable.

She was so tiny that she fit in my hands.  She was found outside an office building in the downtown area all by herself.  Hand to God, I don't know how one of those employees didn't snatch her up then and there.  But, I think she was destined to be mine.  So, that is how that happened.  Anyway, she was only six weeks old and precious as could be.  I paid the fee, signed the documents, and took her home.  Shelby.  The Princess Dog.

She was smart as a whip.  She learned commands easily.  Sit.  Down. Stay.  Roll Over.  She wanted to please.  The first time someone threw a ball that dog was hooked.  Ball was her new favorite pastime.  She could play Ball forever.  Was there anything more important on earth than playing ball?  I think not.  Running second to ball was Chase.  You chase me. I chase you.  It really didn't matter.  The game could turn on a dime.  Shelby was the Master of "The Pivot."  She also had the advantage of being able to run under small places to gain the advantage.  One smart cookie, that one.

Last year, she was diagnosed with cancer in her front leg.  The only thing the vet knew to do was to amputate the leg.  It was an agonizing decision.  However, she recovered amazingly well.  She was walking the same day.  Ball was no longer a part of her daily life.  She could no longer pivot on a dime.  She would try and fall.  However, she would bounce right back up and keep going.  It was a lesson to anyone who watched about how dogs don't wallow there - and a smart person doesn't either!  She inspired me every day.  Her gait, post-surgery, resembled a bunny hop.  She did better running than walking, and was still a force with which to be reckoned.

About two months ago she stopped eating regularly.  We have been having Dog Problems Galore here.  Our other older dog, Molly,  is in Kidney Failure and also not eating on any sort of regular basis.   Shelby seemed to be just Persnickety about her food.  So, we began a campaign of buying new food to tempt her palate.  It simply didn't occur that there was more going on.  She would start to eat again... and then stop.  The Stops got worse.  She started losing weight.  This was getting serious.  We bought canned food.

Last night she stopped moving around altogether.  Mom and started feeling around on her and the shoulder area where her leg was removed was noticeably distended.  Whenever we even lightly touched it, Shelby yelped in pain.  Mom says to me, "Has it been like this long?"

"It can't have been too long because we both hold her and rub on her fairly frequently."

Cancer.  When it comes back, it comes with a vengeance.  It had been working on her from the inside out.  We just misread the signs.  Now, the outward signs are coming fast and furious.  This morning that protuberance is Significantly Larger than it was last night.  It is growing at a phenomenal rate.  It is doing what Cancer does.  When I was sitting with My Sweet Girl this morning, I could tell that she had trouble breathing at one point.  Given that they amputated her leg out to the shoulder.... that means the tissue extending into the lymph nodes was likely affected.  And it spread into the chest cavity.

While Mom was at her doctor appointment, I picked her up and carried her outside and laid her under the tree in the shade.  She enjoyed all of the smells.  I wanted her to have good memories.

Then we packed her up and took her to the vet's office and said our Goodbyes.  I love you Shelby.  You will always be my Princess Dog.  Please keep my daddy company and  make him throw the ball for you in Heaven.  I will see you when I see you.  You'll always be My Best Girl.