I can only tell you what it feels like.

I haven't updated you guys with a Personal Post in a while.  I guess that it is time.

Most of you know that my mom and I moved back to Florida at the end of last year.  For months it was all about the settling in.  Now we have moved on to various renovation projects, as it has become apparent that some are sorely needed.  We are about to be in the middle of a kitchen demolition and remodel.  I have never done that before, but I am anticipating that it will be fun fun fun.  We are also doing several things to make the house more energy efficient given that nothing has been done since it was built in 1976.  So, it is perfectly up-to-code for a house built in 1976, but not so much for a house in 2013.  Let me put it like this: the air flow is terrible.  Since it has been winter, I have been loving it because I LIKE it cooler, and all of the rooms where I spend the most time have *terrible* air flow.  However, when the weather gets warmer, this is going to be a real problem.  So, the entire house needs to be reducted, sealed, and the insulation in the attic needs to be brought up to code.  And that just gives you an idea of what we are doing here.

A friend of ours (from when we lived here several years ago) referred me to a doctor that she found who turned her world upside down and made everything right in her world.  She became very ill after we left.  So ill that this doctor was the 17th doctor she saw in Florida in her effort to get well.  Man, do I know this feeling.  Anyway, we shall call this doctor of the female persuasion Dr. M henceforth.  Dr. M is an M.D., but she is definitely an outside the box thinker.  She ran a Nutritional Analysis on my friend to discover what her problem(s) were.  Once they started treating those, my friend got much better.  She now thinks Dr. M is a miracle worker or something like that.  Anyway, my friend was absolutely insistent that I see the infamous Dr. M when we moved back here.  So, I did.

My appointment was supposed to be at the end of March, but was moved up to mid-February thanks to a cancellation.  I was impressed by how quickly I was seen.  As a person who is well versed with doctors and waiting, shock is actually a better word.  I never even made it to my chair in the lobby before I was called back.  Say what???  Once I got into a room, I never even opened my book before the woman herself... yes, that would be Dr. M. walked in.  I gasped due to disbelief.  I might have even said, "I can't believe it's actually you."  I am sure it sounded totally idiotic... whatever came out of my mouth.

She said, "I am on time today."  Like this is normal.  What universe had I landed in?

She then preceded to take my ENTIRE history dating from when my migraines began.  That would be back in January 2003.  She wanted to know about everything.  My personal history, the nature of the headache, how I had been treated (medically), who had treated me and what they had done.  It was a lot of talking.  She also wanted to know about any new developments in my health, which unfortunately there were.  And she took a look at my most recent lab results.  And then I waited.

Her diagnosis: My migraines were not the primary problem and would never go away using pain medication or migraine medication.  Tell me something I don't know.  So she did.  The migraines are actually a symptom of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) that was brought on by the constant barrage of  abuse by my ex-husband.  Woah.  You could have blown me off the chair with a feather.  The good news is that it is treatable with counseling from someone who specializes in PTSD counseling.  Not treating it will just cause my body to continue to break down.  My immune system is functioning on high levels right now.  As she put it, "Your body is working overtime just to stay alive.  And in the process it is killing itself."  Yeah, I get the irony.

So, while my body has been working overtime to stay alive I have become hypoglycemic, developed fibromyalgia, am chronically fatigued, and have numerous auto-immune issues.  I have other antibodies that are on the verge of flipping to auto-immune if my body doesn't stop working so hard at trying to stay alive.  In addition to this counseling, I now have to eat way more healthily and often.  The health food store and I are becoming fast friends.  Do you have a Whole Foods in your town?  Awesome store.  Wish ours was closer.  Moving on...

She also immediately took me off all pain medications.  Yep.  Saving the hardest part for last.  Every doctor has always said that the pain meds cause Rebound Headaches.  Well, that may be true, but you have a headache all the time, with or without the pain meds, and it is a whole lot worse the first few days without.  Especially if the doctor in question doesn't prescribe the RIGHT thing to help combat the symptoms.  Dr. M. prescribed phenergan in a suppository (I am not explaining that one) because she thinks I probably have leaky gut (not explaining that either), and I don't digest or absorb like I should.  Those first few days with no pain meds were MISERABLE.  I was in bed praying for death with the axe.  Does anyone remember those posts?  Me imagining how I could lop off my head with the axe, but not able to figure out how I could effectively wield the thing one-handed, and get the job done?  Well, I was right back there again for almost three days.

And then the cloud lifted.  And just using the phenergan was fairly equivalent to how I did on the pain medication... just without the pain medication.  Hallelujah.  Yes.  I literally was ready to sing the entire Hallelujah Chorus.  Or play it.  Whatevs.

Since then, mom and I have actually been out and about.  Running errands.  I actually feel better.  I have had two sessions with the therapist and have a sense about how this therapy works.  I feel hopeful for the first time in what seems like... forever.  I am even driving again.  For anyone who has been reading this blog, you know what a HUGE step that is.  I am not so disoriented and dizzy that I can't drive.  It feels great.  It feels like freedom.  It feels like hope. 


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