Saturday, December 31, 2011
We are hovering on the brink of a New Year and I am determined to keep up my end of the bargain and put out my consecutive days of HERE'S TO YOU posts. I feel like if I ring in the New Year right I just might have momentum on my side. I still don't feel great, but maybe I can begin with better habits!
I mentioned yesterday the criteria for making these posts. Hope. Laughter. Inspiration. Joy. It occurred to me today that I left out Forgiveness. Naturally, all of those clips make me cry. The others not so much. I think it is why the biggie, Forgiveness, got shuffled off to the backburner. However, there is nothing more inspirational than Forgiveness is there? So, I had to throw some in today. Everything else still goes. And I may think yet of some important thing that should be in this mix that isn't. Good thing I am giving myself several days to work through it!
So, lean back and allow yourself to receive the awesomeness that I give to you. May it warm your spirit, make you laugh, cry, and feel inspired in the New Year. And, yeah, I still have more for tomorrow. I am back to officially being a youtube Junkie.
This one wouldn't embed, but it is important to watch it first. Sorry!
This one also woudn't embed, but it is next in line. Sorry!
Friday, December 30, 2011
I promised with yesterday's HERE'S TO YOU THURSDAY post that I would continue to bring the love. And so I will. Once again, I am not sending these out directed at anyone in particular, but I do suspect you might feel more attachment to some than others. I know that I did think of some of you while watching them. However, the only real requirement to make this list is that they be inspiring in some way. Hope. Laughter. Inspiration. Joy.
With that in mind, we shall begin with Joy... People, this is all for YOU!!!! Soak it up!!!
This one wouldn't embed, but you really should watch them in order... sorry!
image found at www.weheartit.com
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Did you guys know that today is Thursday? I realized it today when I had my appointment for vertibral therapy. Before that, I started thinking that I would like to do a Thursday post. Of course, I am totally not prepared for a Thursday post. A Thursday post takes a good week of blog reading and taking notes and letting things soak on my mental burner. And then I spend a lot of time on youtube trying to match up all of that reading and thinking and soaking. That is how a Thursday post is born. I didn't even have time to try and do speed reading today due to my appointment and hope my "psychic abilities" would aid me in pulling something together that would match up with what is going on in your worlds. However, all day that Thursday post feeling has hung with me.
So, I started thinking about inspirational things to me. I thought that would make a good Thursday post. It could be a combo of funny, inspirational, cool things. So, I got on youtube and began trolling. Do you know how long it has been since I have done that? No. I know you don't. Well, that site is still laced with visual crack. Ah, the sweetnesss.
And, I have WAY more stuff than one post can hold. I am thinking maybe I will do this for a couple of days. Kind of like a build up for the new year. And I think that all of you will find yourselves in their somewhere. I know that I thought of all of you as I watched various videos and thought, "so and so will really like this one," but it will be even better without the dedication. We shall see what video speaks to whom and if I guess right without actually putting a name on it.
Anyway, there is a little bit of everything. And I am still trolling youtube because I am now hooked. Seriously. So, here is the love. It is all for YOU!!!!
image found at www.weheartit.com
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
I promised I would post the "after" before it became months after and here I am. I decided I better get it down while it was all fresh.
One of my doctor's said that I might discover just how much my meds are doing for me when I come off of them for this test and go without. That was partly right. I did find out how much they were blocking many of my symptoms because I was down and out miserable for the three days prior to the test and going in to the test. In fact, I was in such bad shape the doctor had doubts about my ability to get through the test (but that is jumping ahead). It did confirm to me that I have a bad case of fibromyalgia, in case I had doubts. My hands and feet felt like someone was pounding nails in them the first day. Then they were on fire the next day. The day after that they were just ice cold and sweaty and hurt. Sleeping was iffy all three days. My TMJ reactivated in a big way. And I couldn't breathe deeply because my left side hurt for two days. I also had a meltdown on day three when I was convinced I was having a heart attack. That was when my hands and feet went numb and shooting pains when down my left arm. Of course, none of this was helped by the fact that I dreamt that I died on night one and I literally felt my spirit leave my body. It was very peaceful and I think my dad was there. Also, all of my nerve endings were screaming. I could hear and smell everything. Anytime I breathed deeply my teeth hurt. I constantly thought about pulling all of my teeth out with pliers. 24.7. By day three all of muscles went into involuntary spasm including the ones on my face. So, I was literally this jerking mess who had no control over my body. Now, throw in the fact that I was so dizzy all of the time and couldn't eat for three days because I was constantly nauseated and you have a fairly complete picture of what I looked like on Monday for this test. Oh, and coming off my meds gave me the runs. It REALLY wasn't pretty.
So, when the doctor said we might not be able to do it, all I could hear in my head was Joy from MY NAME IS EARL. Joy has a foul mouth. Fortunately, I kept it inside. But, Joy said, "Ah hell to the no."
And Robin said, "I think we should give it a try." And that meant pulling it together and exercising every last bit of control and getting through it because I was not going through this again. Of course, somewhere in that drug induced nightmare, I already decided not to go back on some of my meds NO MATTER WHAT. Yeah, you read that right. Doctors are funny people. My doctor would have read that and said, "But all of that pain was caused by you going off that medication."
My response is this: "But sir: I wasn't THAT BAD BEFORE I WENT ON!"
And that says to me that something has to give. Yeah, I had a lot of pain. I was hurting. I still am. But, I wasn't a freak show.
Back to the test.
I made it through. And found out some bad news about my inner ear. Turns out that most people who have an inner ear problem usually have a problem on one side. That is not great but one side can rehab off the other side. That reminds me how amazing the body is. Turns out that my inner was blown in both sides. I have less than 30% function in both sides. It totally explains the dizziness I am feeling. The doctor says that I literally cannot find myself in space. There are no pills, no surgery for this. However, there is vertibral rehab. The idea is to (re)teach your inner ear all of this stuff that it used to know. Until then, I am very reliant on physical and visual cues. It is why I always need to lean my head against something in order to not feel sick to my stomach. That is how I know where I am in space. It is why I spend a lot of time holding onto walls when I walk. Quick turns are not a good idea. It is why I landed in the bathtub that time after flushing the toilet.
As for the what caused this? The doctor doesn't know. It can be anything from medications to an infection to an autoimmune issue. The thing is that there are lots of causes. My gut says that it is one or the combo of these meds to treat the fibro and the antidepressants. They have all had bad side effects with me. Namely they continue to make my hair fall out. I realized that in my three day horror when all of my senses were heightened and I was lying in bed with nothing to do but think. I have already begun the search for natural alternatives and will suffer the difference. I am going to push my doctor for rehab alternatives to treat my fibro, as opposed to medicinal ones. I want my inner ear to repair itself; I don't want it battling against any drugs that caused the damage in the first place.
As for the hint of Jasmine... I finally met The Yellow Rose of Texas... my first blog friend come to life in person. My only wish is that I had been in a healthier place. She caught me the day after the hearing test. I was back on enough of my meds that I wasn't a blobbering fool. Plus, I had gotten some sleep. We only met for a few hours and it was pretty much all spent at yet another one of my doctor appts (yes, the timing was sucky). However, she was delightful and it was exciting how many ideas we had in common!!! Not only that, but shared life experience! How exciting to say... and then this happened, but I learned such and such and to have another voice pipe in and say "Me too!" Yes, it was a great time! We laughed a lot and sighed a lot and did some head shaking over some life lessons that we wish had come easier or sooner... but it is what it is! My only regret is that we forgot to take a picture... not that she would have let me post it... lol.
image found at www.weheartit.com
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
This is by no means a regular deal ~ yet ~ but I have gotten your lovely emails and whatnot and I miss you, too. The thing is that reading is difficult for me right now. Writing (aka typing) is also not a walk in the park. So, I feel a bit guilty throwing out a post with no intention of reading what you have going on in your blogs. With that in mind, you need to catch me up in your comments or send me an email. I just can't do a whole lot of reading these days. I am hoping that will change soon. The other reason I haven't posted is that I really haven't felt like it. That is as honest as I know to be. I am just not really thinking in a straight line and it always seemed "hard" when I thought about it. With that in mind, I did have some blogging ideas for the future that I will mention as you will see....
So, let's do this post the way that I do best when I don't really think straight: yep, bullet style. That way I can just throw it out there.
- I have mostly been playing memory games on facebook. I got the idea about a year ago when my memory sucked so bad that I was grasping at words. It has helped. I think working that memory muscle is like every other one.
- That is not to say that I still don't get stuck on spelling words that I should know how spell or other things equally annoying. It just doesn't happen all of the time like it used to, which is something of a relief. For instance, right now the word hundred is in my head. Did I spell that right? It feels right, but I am just not sure. And that crap makes me nuts. I used to KNOW.
- I just finished the first season of THE PRACTICE on DVD. It was written by David E. Kelley (the same guy who wrote Ally McBeal). I didn't watch it from the beginning so a lot of the shows were new to me. However, I loved that show. And still do. He is such an amazing writer, with amazing characters, storylines, and always leaves you debating yourself over some moral question at the end. Love it. I wish more shows did that. I love a show that makes you think.
- Of course, I moved on to MY NAME IS EARL. Yeah, I finally got Season 2 on Amazon on sale. That show is Hilarious. Not sure it makes me think a whole lot, but it makes me laugh a ton. And I really need that. Laughter is good for the soul.
- My mom switched our regular TV from DirectTV over to cable. Eventually the cable in this area will pick up more channels. The only big loss as far as I am concerned is OWN. Yeah, that is the Oprah Winfrey Network.
- And that brings me to the blog I was thinking of writing, but could never think in a straight line long enough to do it... Actually it was a series of blogs based on Oprah's Lifeclass. Yeah, that show hit me in a PROFOUND way. I didn't know this until Oprah stopped interviewing and started talking that she is Amazing.
- Anyway, she did this show called Oprah's Lifeclass that was on at 8:00 on OWN (it's in reruns now) and she chose a few "lessons" that she learned from her guests and then picked footage from her shows to highlight these lessons. Talk about Eye Opening. I had an "A Ha" moment every night at 8:00 pm.
- Meanwhile, I thought, "I have to share this awesomeness with my blogger friends." Her page has clips from each show. So, my idea was to have Life Class right here with the video and my thoughts and then to challenge each of you to post the video and right your own thoughts on it. (Look what I just did. "right your own thoughts" This is why I am not writing anymore!!!!! I am an English major. This mutilation of the language makes me insane!) And then sit back and watch the "A Ha" moments spread across the world.
- No point in dreaming small.
- For the record, I haven't given up on that one. I have merely shelved it until I can think in a straight line again.
- So what is my biggest problem, you ask?
- Right now, I am freaking dizzy. As in my spacial orientation sucks. As in I am holding onto walls. Like right now I have head planted into the back of this recliner to keep the world in check. And, of course, my migraines are freaking off the charts.
- Due to this ear thing, I have a test called an ENG scheduled for next week that requires that I be off of all my migraine and other meds. You read that right. So, I am titrating down right now and go cold turkey on Friday.
- As I have quit them, the dizzy, the migraines, and the general pain has gotten worse. As has my ability to think clearly (hence the bullets).
- On a totally different note, I feel almost completely certain that Mr. Electric is thinking about me (aka Right Guy turned Not Right Guy after I gave up on him). However, I think he might still be Right Guy. Don't know about that. Definitely Mr. Electric.
- Anyway, it just came to me a few days ago. I haven't even thought about him in forever. And I KNEW he was thinking about me. For those of you who doubt my psychic ability, feel free. Anyway, this has happened before, but it was several years ago.
- That time I repeatedly imagined him calling me. Well, he did. Only I left the house and forgot my cell phone and my stepdad and answered it. It was the one and only time my stepdad has ever answered my cell. Mr. Electric has trust issues and that tore it for him. He was convinced I will still involved with the liar, cheater, ex-boyfriend.
- Anyway, I am back to imagining him calling me and me answering my phone. Sometimes you have to take the imagery further.
- For a long time I was really ticked about how that went down. Now I realize that he wasn't ready for me and I had yet to fully understand (aka process) the lessons that both of my exes taught. There was a lot of stuff in there. In fact, I am not really sure I got it all until recently. Hmmm. Timing really is everything, no?
Well, I will try to keep you in the loop about my test sooner. That means posting something next week or so, rather than next month or so. I don't know when I will be back to reading your blogs. Just bear with me. Let me know what you think about the series of blogs on the LifeClass. I will probably do my own thing anyway, but I am still curious. I have found it is good to get the opinions of others, but best to do WHAT YOU FEEL in your own gut.