Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I am back but look a lot like roadkill.

This is going to be another short one (I think). I am back home, but very tired. So much happened in the two weeks that I was gone. I suppose that the best thing was that I came to a place of acceptance about my dad and his cancer. It is still really hard for me to imagine this world without him in it, but we all leave this body sometime. And that is one true thing. For everyone.

I will post more details as I get them sorted out in my head. I also have some pictures that I will post. Though I have to say that it hurts my heart a bit to look at them. My dad was 6 feet tall. He says that he has lost a couple of inches. Despite that loss, 130 pounds just doesn't look good on him. He is sitting in the recliner and it just swallows him right up. With that weight loss, he looks my nanny (his mother), which is something I never saw before. She was always very thin and angular. Of course, he was always on the thin side. Now he is on the gaunt side and the resemblance is a bit uncanny. Or not. She was his mother, after all.

We also visited (briefly) our next door neighbors while I was growing up. I have dreamt recently frequently of my old house. The Miranda Lambert song, The House That Built Me, will often make me cry. I even considered knocking on their door and breaking song acapella. Yeah, kinda desperate, but I haven't been inside since my parents moved out while I was in college. When we drove by my jaw dropped. They resided the house. It isn't blue anymore. It is this awful beige color. It doesn't even look like our house. They tore down the barn that was in the back and built a blue monstrousity. These are the same people who bought the place from my folks. Not much turnover in that neighborhood. Anyway, they aren't very well liked according to my old neighbors. Given that info, I decided against the song. That and I might cry at the interior changes they've made. That wouldn't have been pretty. Given my stress levels already, more stress didn't seem to be the right call. However, we had a lovely visit with my former neighbor and her daughter just happened to be there with her husband and kids. I hadn't seen her in years. Excellent chance to catch up.

Anyway, I will give you more details next blog. And I will start reading tomorrow. Yah, that means no Thursday event again this week. However, things should be on track for next week. I have appreciated all of your support throughout this difficult time. You all are awesome.

14 comments:

  1. Robin: You have been on my mind. In fact, I taught a class in your honor today. It would not be appropriate to discuss it here, but I want you to know you have positive thoughts coming your way. I HATE being helpless. I hope we get to sit and talk some day. Be well, my friend.

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  2. Oh Robin, so great to hear from you. I've been checking to see if may be you would post something. I know how difficult it is to know you have to accept something you aren't ready to. My heart goes out to you.

    As far as the house, I totally understand that one. I often dream about our other home, but I think some things are better left to memories only. I would cry too if things were changed and it would alter my memories.

    take care my friend.

    Carol

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  3. I've been thinking about you and checking in just to see if you were back...and how you were getting along...I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this-and your dad too.

    I've gone by our old house a couple of times (my aunt still lives in the same town) and the now owners have made a mess of things! A royal mess! There's no accounting for other people's taste, eh? LOL

    Nice to have you back!

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  4. You and your family are in my prayers. Can't imagine the stress and pain. I am sorry.
    Take care and God bless you and your family.

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  5. I was wondering how you were doing. Sending you lots of positive energy!

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  6. glad you are back...and other people's poor tast is always stunning.
    When my mom came last time, she had turned gray.
    It shocked me.
    I don't think we are ever prepared for that.
    big hugs.

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  7. I've been passing by regularly too and am glad to hear from you but very sad too for you.
    Sending you a cyber hug and my best wishes.
    Carol

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  8. I've been checking to see if you've been posting recently, and I'm so pleased to hear from you. Even though you've reached a place of acceptance about your Dad being so ill, it will still be incredibly difficult for you - but then you know that already. I think about you often and hope that you're keeping well yourself.

    The house I grew up in is up for sale right now, and I am so tempted to buy it! It's the only house I have felt truly at peace in.

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  9. I've been thinking about you too. And I know you're probably not eating because you feel too sad, and feeling hungry feels better than feeling sad, but please remember to eat. (sorry. it's a Jewish thing. we equate feeding the belly with feeding the soul.)
    We all miss and love you out here. <3

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  10. Welcome back! I haven't wanted to pester, but have been thinking of you. You were right not to visit the house -- there's enough loss, enough change, enough transition right now, without having that to face as well. Take control of what you can, remember things that bring you comfort ....

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  11. I'm so glad you are back, and while I know that things are still going to be hard for a while, you have come out of this so strong and powerful. I adore you and let me know if you need anything, girl.

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  12. Dear dear Robin - I'm so sorry to have been absent from your blog and when I caught up I realized that you've been going through a really tough time. Do take care of you...You're a wonderfully strong woman who spreads much joy...

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  13. I have been thinking about you. I understand how you feel, my mom had cancer. You can only go back home while your parents are still in that home! Blessings coming your way!

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  14. Robin- So good to see and 'hear' a little something from you. So thoughtful of you to share while you are still hurting so.
    I have been away as well, but have thought of you even in my travels, especially when I spotted a Richards Road here in California.
    Sorry to hear of how difficult this had been for you. I hope things get easier or least settled for you in some way.

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