This Is How You Know You've Been Scammed

First, I want to thank everyone who has voted on Battle of the Bands (my last post). If you have not yet done that, I hope you will. The last day to vote is the 5th (Thursday). I might or might not have my regular Thursday post on that day. Why?

Second, my migraine is kicking my butt. I am now FULLY aware of how stress in my life translates into extreme pain in my body.

My mother joined a dating website in February (I think). And she met this guy who claimed to be from Georgia, owned his own business, blah blah blah. And before they could meet he had to go to Malaysia to work a job. While there, he was beset with one financial crisis after another. I was unaware that he asked my mother for money (and she sent it) until after the first few sends. When I did find out... I do believe pieces of my brains are still clinging to the ceiling in the living room. But, it wasn't over and she felt compelled to send yet more money in order to get back her initial investment. I STRONGLY advised her not to do that. But, she did. And then she stopped talking to me about it until she sent him EVERYTHING she had. I am talking savings, running up all the credit cards, and emptying her retirement IRA. Everything. Complete financial destitution. It KILLS ME that she sent this scammer creep every penny that she scraped to save her entire life.

By the time she told me the extent of the damage, she suspected she had been scammed. I went online to look for stories of other people who had been scammed. They are all eerily similar. She filed a police report (they said they couldn't help because it was outside of state lines) and something online with the FBI. Radio silence from them. The guy continued to call right up until a few days ago. Sporadically. But enough that it kept a nugget of hope alive in her mind that he was NOT a scammer. (He is totally a scammer.)

In the meantime, she joined another dating site (in order to move past the pain of the first experience). And started talking at first via email and then phone to another guy. He supposedly lives in the area, but it took about a week to find out he was in Colorado for a conference. My scammer alarm began to sound. She let me read his emails. Right away my brain went "Scammer." She said that couldn't be because she told him that she'd been scammed and had NOTHING left. Why try to mine for gold where there isn't any? She had a point, but the other part of my brain said that scammers are liars. Liars tend to think that everyone else lies. So, he probably thinks she still has some sort of nest egg. When the flowers and candy arrived out of the blue (from scammer #2) I knew it was a scam. Scammer #1 sent a rose bush after she told him that she wasn't crazy about flowers. I guess she forgot to mention that to #2. Now, I just sat back and waited for the inevitable financial crisis. It came this morning. He was robbed. He needs $800.

At first I was relieved... she will wake up and see this for what it is.

No.

She says that someone owes her $500 and if she can get that money back she might send him some.

Say what???? What was left of my brain blew off and all of my remaining brain matter now lives on the ceiling of the living room. It's a freaking miracle that I can even type right now given the fact that my brain exploded and is dripping off the ceiling.

Turns out that she can't get that $500 back (whew) yet. At most, the person who owes her can give her $60. She relayed this to scammer #2. I told her he'd take it. After all, he needs reimbursement for the money he spent on the flowers and candy he sent.

She still uses the phrase "IF he is a scammer when she talks about scammers #1 and #2" which does nothing to soothe my migraine. If she sends money she doesn't have to these morons, I am going to have dip into MY savings to cover HER bills. And I don't have much savings. And I don't want to pay scammers.

So, she said she was corresponding with someone else. I told her I knew from the emails right away of #1 and #2 (after I read them) that they were scammers. She asked me to read the emails from the new guy. Guess what? #3 is also a scammer according to my radar.

She did NOT want to hear that. She now thinks that I think everyone is a scammer. Not so. But if they live so far away - or are out of the state for a conference - that you can't meet within a couple of email chats... they are probably a scammer. If they have a crazy lineage to explain their extremely foreign accent, they are probably a scammer. If they call you honey, dear, sweety, and my queen in the second email, they are probably a scammer. If they repeatedly use the word soul mate with someone they have never met, they are probably a scammer. If they write you extremely lengthy emails and manage to convey absolutely nothing with any meaning whatsoever, scammer. If they are an engineer of any kind (no offense if you are an engineer, but seriously they are ALL engineers and do private consulting or own their own business)... scammer. If they are widowed and just want someone to share their life... scammer. (Again, my apologies if you are widowed and on a dating site.) Every single one of these guys meet the above criteria. Every.Single.One.  If they send you flowers and candy (and haven't met you) and then need a large amount of money for a crisis - CONFIRMED SCAMMER.

As you might expect, my mother feels horribly stupid over having sent scammer #1 all of her money. But she still can't see the thread of commonality running here. My job isn't to make her feel stupid. She is a very trusting and caring person who is honest to a fault. Ergo, she believes that everyone else is the same. I was married to a chronic liar for three years. I know that just because YOU are honest does not mean other people are.

And she now says like a mantra, "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose." What she doesn't seem to understand is that there is always more to lose. Maybe money. Maybe faith. Maybe hope. I believe that this madness will stop only when she reads one of these emails and can clearly see (or suspect) that this is another scammer. I tried to joke with her that if she strung enough of them along maybe she could slowly recoup her money in flowers and chocolate. Or ask them to send something useful like a couple pounds of bacon. Have you seen the cost of bacon lately? I mean that would seriously be helpful.

I have suggested that she change tactics and utilize the Meet Up site here. They have singles groups that actually meet and do things. I sent her the link. I don't know what else to do. I do know that the anxiety over all of this is keeping me in a state of acute migraine all of the time. I don't know how to effectively cope with stress when it lives with me.

Any ideas?

Oh, and I am sorry for unloading this huge pile of horse manure on you. Now you know why I originally titled this blog as Blog Therapy. Obviously, I need it.

Battle of the Bands ~ Brandy (You're A Fine Girl)

According to my calendar, I have something special slated here for Monday, June 2. So that means I am running Battle of the Bands one day early AGAIN. I want to give you folks a chance to vote before it is GONE.Well, not gone, but covered up by another post. You know what I mean.

And I also want to say a Huge Thank You for all of the wonderful comments on my last post. Since I wrote it, I have spent my mornings (which turns out to be my most productive writing time) on my novel. I am actually moving forward again, which feels great. Susan commented yesterday and said something about facing a similar decision. We must decide if we are bloggers who write or writers who blog. I didn't use the quotation marks because I am not sure I got it precisely right. But that is/was my dilemma in a nutshell. My blog was taking priority over my writing and I was a blogger who writes (sometimes, when I can fit it in). Now I am writing daily and I read blogs when I can fit it in. So far, it is working fairly well. I FEEL much better. Going back to the wind sock analogy... I feel free and am riding the wind. It is good.

Let's move on to Battle of The Bands.

My mom and I have been singing karaoke on Friday nights for a while now. Not every Friday night. But most. A couple of weeks ago, a guy sung this song. I knew the song, but I also knew he was singing a different arrangement of the song. So, I asked him who sang it. He told me Looking Glass. Looking Glass? Never heard of 'em. But, I knew right then and there that the version I knew was a COVER. ha! Funny the places you get inspiration for these battles.

Turns out Looking Glass wrote and sang the song back in the 70s. I could tell that from the music. You know how some songs just sound 70s? Well, this was one of them. After some digging around I found out that two covers of this song exist. They are both quite different from the Looking Glass original. I toyed with the idea of pitting two of them (Looking Glass vs Cover) against one another in this battle and then bringing back the victor on the 15th and pitting that version against the other cover. Why? Because I think all three versions are good, but I don't like pitting three songs against one another. What do you think of that idea (for future battles) when there are more than two good versions? (Let me know in the comments because I really am interested in your thoughts on this.)

The song is Brandy (You're A Fine Girl) and Looking Glass recorded it in 1972.

Let's first listen to the original by Looking Glass:


*Notice that whoever posted this video spelled Brandy with an "i" so it is Brandi. That is NOT correct. I really wish people would check spelling and grammar before they post anything anywhere.

The second version is by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. It is from their Live in Hyde Park album recorded in 2004.

Here is the Red Hot Chili Peppers:


*Notice no spelling or grammatical errors on this one.

And that brings us to the version that I knew. In 2006 Kenny Chesney released the CD The Radio and The Road. That is back when I still bought CDs (thank you LC for pointing out that even I have quit doing this!) and listened to them all the way through. Usually my favorite songs never made it to the radio, so it was a treat. This record has 4 Bonus Tracks including... Brandy (You're A Fine Girl). I have very much enjoyed listening to Chesney's progression as an artist. This was his 11th album and he has become freer with each one to be himself. He really likes beach/island music (not your typical country fare) and every album includes more of it. One day he might jump off the country charts altogether and live in the islands like Jimmy Buffett.

Here is Kenny Chesney:


*Notice whoever posted this video spelled Brandy correctly, but then they ruined it by spelling You Are as Your. ::shakes head sorrowfully::

Tomorrow the rest of the crew will be posting their battles for this feature. Make sure you stop by and vote at the following locations:

Faraway Series

FERRET-FACED FASCIST FRIENDS

Tossing It Out

DiscConnected

Donna Hole

Now, is the time to vote. There are three versions. Please tell me which one you liked best and why. Yes, this is the time for that extensive comment you have always wanted to write.  I'm listening...

Biting The Bullet

I used to post bullet point blogs frequently. When my brain felt jumbled that seemed the logical way to sort it all out. I haven't written one in a while. Am I less jumbled? Well, not today. So, here we go...

• My mom bought some Red, White, and Blue decorations for Memorial Day. They will probably hang until July 4, but that is A-Okay. We are NOT big decorators here, so I am talking about a plaque for the door and a wind sock, just in case you were picturing yard decorations and lights.
• At dinner over a week ago, right after mom put the wind sock up, she said to me, "When I came home the wind sock was hanging off the roof, like it was holding on by its fingernails." That struck me as very funny. As in ironic funny. Do you ever have moments, hours, days, months when you feel like the entire country (maybe the world) is holding on by its fingernails?

• That night I took the photograph above and then pulled the wind sock down.

• It clung to the gutter. A bit of water caught its legs. As I yanked it down it occurred to me that maybe that is all it takes... people with initiative giving a good yank.
• Last week, Jasmine's What If Wednesday question was this: What is your wildest dream? I wrote an extremely lengthy comment only to arrive at the conclusion that I have discarded my wildest dreams as I have journeyed through this migraine-filled existence. Perhaps the thing now holding me back from complete recovery is the lack of a dream. If you have nothing to reach for, aspire to, aim at... what are you?
• I think I wrote here before that we can live more easily without hope than purpose. Purpose will keep us moving forward even when hope is gone. Or hanging by its fingernails.
• Writing my novel gave me purpose. 
• Revisions plague me.
• The thought crept in (and continues to linger) that I am just not good enough of a writer to keep working at this project. What is the point? I read recently at Writer Unboxed that the writers who succeed aren't necessarily the most talented. They are the ones that don't give up. They get better by continuing to write and rework their story until it is good.
• Is writing my wildest dream?
• For years, my wildest dream was, after I found my way back to health, helping people who fell through the floor. I envisioned a website, houses, and creating an organization that didn't just offer a hand out but a help up. 
• The problem? People with chronic pain and no tissue disorder suffer from emotional pain. 20% of the afflicted accept that diagnosis and get better. 80% insist on a surgery, pill, or Anything Else. 
• The truth is that people don't want to clean out their emotional garbage. It is stinky and painful and HURTS to root around in that particular trash bin. Plus, it *seems* incomprehensible that broken relationships and/or emotional pain of any kind could result in very real physical pain.
• On my HERE'S TO YOU post, Stephen T. McCarthy wrote in the comments that God spoke to him via his Inner Voice that morning. I know just what he was saying because that has happened to me. Back in 2008 God spoke to me one morning and told me that every single thing I was going through happened for a reason. It was the catalyst that would bring me to a career that would bring me more joy than I could possibly imagine. So, I needed to start meeting this journey with acceptance, rather than resistance.
• I have been so-so with the acceptance vs. resistance concept. But, I BELIEVED that God had a Purpose for me. One that would bring me joy beyond my imaginings. Not long after My Idea (sound byted above) began to form.
• Since Jasmine's blog and Stephen's comment I have been thinking a lot about my wildest dream and what God whispered into my ear. And I ask myself, "How can I help people who don't want to be helped?"
• The answer became obvious. I can't. But, there are 20% who will say Yes. So, I need to spend some mental energy figuring out how to help that 20%.
• And I want to spend time writing my novel. No, I don't think it is the Great Giver of Joy that God talked about, but I LIKE it. I will only improve with practice.
• .... and that all leads to less time spent blogging. I can't spend hours every single day reading blogs and still accomplish these things. But if I stop doing that, the chances of my putting together weekly HERE'S TO YOU posts dwindles into impossibility. 
• While HERE'S TO YOU gives me tremendous joy, I don't think it is what God was talking about either. And if subverting My Wildest Dream keeps me stuck in the land of migraines... this cannot be a good thing.
• For a LONG TIME blogging gave me Purpose and I am beyond thankful that I started this site and met all of you. You are blessings.
• In the name of pinpointing my Wildest Dream and my Purpose, I am not going to read daily. I will become more hit and miss with commenting. HERE'S TO YOU won't be weekly. It will be Whenever I Can Pull a Post Together. 
• However, I am not disappearing. I am just going to better manage my time.
• Like the wind sock, I was stuck. I am yanking myself down in an effort to be free and find my own flow with nature. As I write this, I see the wind lifting it and blowing through it. If a wind sock can be happy, I think mine is. It is fulfilling its Purpose.
• I want to be like the wind sock.

Are you striving to live your Wildest Dreams? Are you willing to set aside or cut back on things that you enjoy to make it happen?