June-September Update, BoTB The Long Way Home

The last time I posted here was June. Wow. So much has happened since then. For those of you not interested in the update, scroll down to the bottom for Battle of the Bands. It's all good, my friends.

So, we went to Ohio again this summer for camp and visiting relatives. I stayed at camp three weeks Jul 5-July 29 (I think those dates are right). It was a great summer. By far the best summer I've had at camp since I returned. Not sure if it was because it was more familiar or I had a specific job all three weeks or both. But, it was definitely easier this year than the last two. I always realize just how out of shape I am when I go. It's so much walking (and walking on hills). I figure it's good for me. I also just love love love being out in nature for those three weeks. I love setting aside the internet (mostly) and all of the screens that suck up our lives and just being in nature for those weeks, worshiping God and His handiwork, and actually TALKING to other people. It's amazing how much talking gets down when the screens are off.

We enjoyed a nice visit with the family and Ohio friends. Every year I enjoy my SIL and brother more. It's been a real blessing in my life becoming friends with my SIL (and my brother, for that matter). Friendship doesn't necessarily happen with family, but it sure is great when it does.

Some of you might know that since my life improved dramatically in December by taking the Nascent Iodine, it's caused me to reevaluate where I'm going and what I want to do with this abundant life I didn't really think I'd get again. I've been very active in my church the last few years, even giving several messages on Sunday morning. I was encouraged by a retired pastor who goes to our church to apply for seminary. My first thought was I never wanted to go back to school. My next thought was that I really liked the idea of being in ministry. Ministering to people. The decision to go to seminary has brought with it many changes in my life.

I applied to Lexington Theological Seminary. They have a (mostly) online program. I also applied for a scholarship with our churches Mission fund. I was accepted for both. The scholarship is not a full one, but it sure will help.

One of those is that I want to also go back to work part-time. Social Security will help you move from being on disability to working. I have an appointment with an agency this morning to discuss how we can do that and look at different jobs. I will keep you posted on that.

I'm also in the process of changing churches. Seminary requires a lot of work within your church. I will now be going to a church out at the beach here in Jacksonville. They are a larger congregation with more people my age and two pastors who are willing to support me in this journey. As I was talking to the head pastor about the "congregational requirements" of the seminary, he was receiving emails from an independent living for seniors asking them to put on a Sunday afternoon service at their facility. There was no way they could do it (without me), but with me they could. So, a large part of my congregational requirement will be putting together that Sunday service. It doesn't necessarily mean giving the message every Sunday there, but making sure someone does. God's timing is way better than mine!

I also stopped in Augusta, Georgia, on my way back from camp to stay with Haley (my ex's daughter whom I consider a daughter) and her new baby.

Here is a picture of the cutie with her dog, Piper.

She had another dog (formerly Lola, now Dixie) who has moved in with me. Dixie was too much for their little family. She really likes being walked several times a day and wants attention Haley couldn't give her. So, now she's my baby!

And then there was IRMA. Oh boy. You know we evacuated this time. My mom took one look at the size of that hurricane and was like, "No way are we staying this time around." If you will recall, my mom wanted to evacuate for Matthew. Anyway, I agreed that it would be a good idea (even though I really thought we'd be okay here). We stayed with a friend of hers that went to our church in Ohio who now lives in La Grange, GA. Everyone got a nice visit and my mom got peace of mind. Turned out that Irma was worse for us than Matthew (according to our neighbors who stayed), but still just tree limbs down and a minor fence repair needed. We are very happy we aren't closer to the beach. Some of those folks are really suffering. We watch the damage on the news and feel blessed. There are houses that are still under water south of us (Clay County). It's very sad.

I believe that brings us current. All in all, I feel like we haven't been home much since June. I can't even tell you how happy I was to sleep in my own bed come August. So, for Battle of the Bands I knew I wanted a song about HOME. So, let's go... home. The long way, which is apparently how I like to do it!

This song was originally recorded by Tom Waits. It's called The Long Way Home. For a hot minute, I considered using Tom Waits in this battle. However, I know that would only create a blow-out. That is no fun and not how I want to re-start my Battle of the Bands. I found two covers I like pretty well. I hope you like them, too.

First up is a lady I'd never heard of until I started this "cover search." Her name is Saskia Griffiths-Moore.




You might have heard Norah Jones cover this song. Yep, this is going to be the ladies duking it out on this one.




Please vote for the version of this song you prefer. If you want to get into the Ins and Outs of why you like one better than the other... I LOVE long comments!

For more Battle of the Bands fun, check out the other BOTB bloggers to vote on their battles. I've stopped trying to keep up with who is running a battle and who isn't. To see who is participating, go here: Stephen T. McCarthy's Battle of the Bands Blog.

This might not look like grief. It is.

There are certain truths that are becoming self evident to me. We know things theoretically, but we don't really know them until they happen to us. So, there is knowing and there is knowing. For instance, we all know that everyone dies eventually. All of my grandparents have passed. They all lived lived into their 80s. I wish that I could say that they all lived with their minds and bodies intact, but that would not be true. Funny how you often get one or the other, but not both. That was not a ha ha funny, btw. I even had a great grandparent live until I was in my 20s. By the time that each of them went, it was a blessing. They all had senile dementia and didn't know what was what. That is no way to live and I could tell it was frightening not knowing who anyone in their world was. They felt alone and frightened. Every now and then they got a good day and recognized family when they saw you. They might not be able to place exactly who you were in the scheme of things, but they knew you on some level. Those days were rare. When someone passes after years of that, we call it a blessing because it is a blessing for everyone. It has been painful all the way around.

On my dad's side, my aunt died of colon cancer that spread through her body and she was in a lot of pain. Her passing was a blessing simply because it was such a painful way to go. My father's mother had some senile dementia going on and her cancer, by the time they caught it was all through her body. However, they think it started in her colon. Yeah, I think I probably said this before.

For those of you who have been reading this here blog for a while might remember how shocked I was that my dad's memory has shorted out on him so much. This was a discovery that was made in April or so of last year when we went on a family vacation. We were telling stories and such, and my dad just didn't remember stuff. Huge chunks of his memory were just gone. It seemed to be completely random. Other stuff totally intact. If you want to picture his brain like a computer, just imagine a whole bunch of wires pulled out. Those wires represent memories. And they seemed to be pulled out at random. No rhyme. No reason. And no real way for anyone to know what he remembered and what he didn't. For instance, it never occurred to me that he forgot that his sister and mother died of colon cancer, and that he needed to be on top of that. Or that my brother wasn't aware of it and not paying better attention as the person who lives closest to my dad.

Anyway, let's get on with what is. The biopsy came back Stage 4. I think they cat scanned him to determine how far the cancer had spread. Though it could have been an MRI or PET scan. I am really not sure what scanning system they used. His gastric area is laden with cancer. It is all through his colon, into his intestines, and liver. There was a spot on his lung that might or might not be cancer. In any event, with Stage 4 cancer that has spread as much as his spread, they are giving him 4-9 months. It is amazing how great Medicare is when they know that they only have to take care of you for a limited time. They really monkey up everything and are happy to do so. Care with a smile.

Fortunately my brother and sister-in-law just redid their downstairs in anticipation of taking care of her parents. My brother went out Tuesday night to get my dad his hospital bed and table. Thank you Medicare. Hospice has a nurse who will come out twice a week to check on him and make sure he doing well. Help him with anything he needs and make sure he is getting the right amount of pain meds. In a terminal patient they do not worry about addiction. It all about making sure that the patient does not suffer. Hospice also will have an aide come out two days a week. I think that person is there primarily to help him with his hygienic needs. Showering. Shaving. Changing the sheets on his bed. That sort of thing. I will know more once it all gets into a groove. The doctor may come out periodically to check on him, too. The team meets once a month to discuss all of their patients in hospice care, so I imagine everyone tries to be "in the loop."

In about a week, my father will have the better, "permanent," colostomy bag that is easy to replace the bag and has snaps. Right now, it is the biggest thorn in his side. They have to use adhesive tape to keep it in place and it doesn't always hold real well. Blah blah blah. The other problem is that my dad feels gassy whenever he stands up. I think it might be because he has a tumor pressing on a nerve in his colon. They didn't remove any of the tumors and some were fairly sizable. So, every time he stands he feels the need to go to the bathroom, but he can't. It is an uncomfortable pressure. However, in terms of his pain, my brother says he is doing really well. Surprisingly well.

The other thing is that apparently this has been a problem for a long time. Every time he stood up, he felt this pressure, so he walked hunched over, etc. Anyway, he has pretty well lost all of his muscle tone and is down to 135 pounds. He is 6 feet tall. Yeah, everyone in our family is freaking wasting away! My brother is down to 150 and is just as tall as my dad. Of course, the difference is that he is working a manual labor job right now and he is solid muscle. I swear that he has the fastest metabolism in the world! *sigh*

Anyway, I talked to my brother about the best way to manage a visit and suggested that we stay in dad's apartment since he had a full house. He was going to let the apartment go at the end of this month, but was more than willing to pay one more month rent if we came up in March. His house is full to the brim! So, that is what we are doing. I moved all of my doctor's appts to this week. He went over and cleaned up over there this weekend. He is going to get a friend to help him move the "stinky" stuff out before we get there. And mom and I bringing up one inflatable bed to sleep on. She left another inflatable bed at my brother's for when she visits and he will bring that over. So we will each have our own bed and room. We will probably stay for two week or so.

And I am hoping that my brother and my dad talk again about the C-Staten vitamin therapy. One of the things that I hate the most about this whole thing is being so FAR from the situation. I feel like I have to input on anything. No control over anything. It is very frustrating. Perhaps most frustrating of all is that I would like to stay longer than two weeks, and I think that my brother and sister-in-law would be happier if I stayed a week. I could be wrong about that. However, it isn't up to them. Chances are reasonable that this is the last time I will see my dad alive, and I think that if I want to stay right up until March 31, they should encourage me to do so. If the roles were reversed, I would do that for them. But, hey, that's just me.