A TIME FOR EVERYTHING

Do you ever have those days when you really don't want to get out of bed? Well, I spent my first thirty minutes desperately having to pee but not wanting to move. It was a quandary. On my list of Things I Needed To Do was call my doctor's office and try to explain how I missed my appointment without sounding like a crazy person, which I think I am, but I am not sure I really want them to know. It made me cranky. And then I had a revelation about why old people are probably angry and bitter. People assume it's because they're old. Not so. Maybe it's because they forget stuff and then find appointment cards and realize they've forgotten stuff. I know it made me mad... at me. And that is lousy. It's always much better to blame someone else. Self-directed anger makes a person really pissy. Throw in a nursing home stay and I can see lots of anger issues. I started thinking about that instead of what I was going to say to my doctor's receptionist because I was still trying to divert my attention from my bladder. Finally the bladder won out and I got up.

Turns out the doctor's receptionist was totally cool about rescheduling my appointment for next week and that turned out A-okay. The other biggie on my plate for today was trying to get a copy of my vehicle title from Florida. This is a critical document that I should have. The crazy thing is that I lost it in storage when I moved from Georgia to Florida and had to go to the Georgia DMV and pay to get a copy sent to Florida. A person with their head screwed on straight would have filed it and not be going through this nightmare again. So, I am trying to order a copy online and have this resolved before my birthday at the end of this month. I have been fighting with the Florida website for a while now and getting nowhere. I tried using my stepdad's desktop today, instead of my laptop, and it did seem to go better, but it didn't recognize my VIN number. I am not sure how a mentally healthy person would have coped. I am fairly certain it wouldn't have been a crying jag followed by lying down on the floor with the dog. That was what I did. That doesn't sound so bad, except I was having a lot of negative thoughts during the crying jag. Bad bad bad.

People keep telling me that if you think you're crazy or you can identify the crazy, then you're really not crazy. It's when that line completely blurs for you that you actually are crazy. So, the truth is I know that I'm in trouble. Actually, I knew that when I woke up. I was dreaming about glazed donuts and rice krispy treats. Whenever I crave sweets that means I am STRESSED OUT and I am not a sweets eater. It's also a symptom of the chronic fatigue. So, I knew I had to do something healthy because my train was going nowhere good. I decided I could take one of the dogs for a walk. It was good for the dog. It was good for me. Sunshine is good. I could see no downside.


What caught my attention today were the trees. They aren't very pretty right now. They are all naked and exposed and barren looking. Winter strips of them their leaves, their adornment, their garnish, and they have to stand there and take it until spring. If a tree had feelings, I would imagine it would dislike winter the most, not for being cold, but for being so callous in denuding the tree of its glory. Of course, the tree has the advantage of understanding cycles and what some would call "the balance". Insomuch as it might loathe winter, its enormous love for spring wouldn't be as appreciated, if not for winter. That's what winter does for spring.; it creates a vacuum for spring to fill. Therefore, the tree doesn't resist winter. It accepts the seasons as they come and go.

I am like the tree in winter. I am naked and exposed and totally off my game. The difference is I am not accepting it. I am banging against it. A friend sent me this in an email and I couldn't wrap my brain around it in a productive way. I understood the theory, but it only WORKS when you USE it. She said this, "Here's the thing about the law of attraction that many people don't get: WE GET WHAT WE GIVE IN LIFE. When we want more of something, we have to give it to create a vacuum for more of it to flow toward us. Your reality seems to be a pretty closed system; send some energy OUT - give other people what you hope to receive physically, mentally, emotionally - and blessings will flow back to you." Let me put this another way, I knew that what she was saying was that I was going to have to leave my house and spend time with my friends. That sounds easy enough in theory.

The reality is that I am living on a schedule of popping pain pills every six hours, keeping up with it on my little calendar, feel like crap, and am really close to unhinged all of the time. I don't want my friends to SEE THAT. That is not sending good energy out, that is releasing a scary person that they haven't ever met into their universe. I don't ever want them to meet Scary Me. Scary Me is that denuded tree and it is ugly. Scary Me hasn't found "the balance" and doesn't know when spring is coming. Scary Me gets reprieves sometimes during the day and is able to make insightful comments on other people's blogs. Basically, I think that I have just said that the only people I can send good energy to are people I am not talking to face to face. Egads. In other words, I know what my friend is telling me. I get it. I understand it. I can see that for my life to be better I need to start doing those things. I have to be like the tree and create a vacuum if I ever want to see spring. Okay. Since I want to be lovely again, I will try.


A Time for Everything
Ecclesiastes 3
3:1 For everything there is a season,
and a time for every matter under heaven:
2 a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3 a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

THE LAW OF ATTRACTION

When I was in the fourth grade I remember soliciting my teacher, Mrs. Noone, to be the delivery person for all of our valentines.  Each student had a bag with their name on it hanging at the front of the classroom for a week before the holiday and Mrs. Noone had announced that she would select someone to be the "mailman" at recess on Valentine's Day.  I really wanted to be the mailman.  I started out with what I thought were subtle hints, which I am sure they were not.  I do remember the last one, though.  I came up to her desk, not mentioning Valentine's Day at all, and told her I was fairly certain that I was going to grow up and be a mailman when I got older.  I really wanted to deliver those valentines!  You have got to be wondering why. I didn't want to mix them up or read them or pocket someone's valentines (in other words there was nothing nefarious going on here) and I would be giving up recess for this task.  So why did I want to do it?  I really wanted to be the person who got to deliver the love and joy.  That's it.  I could see myself doing the job as soon as she announced it in class and I HAD to be picked and that was all there was to it.

I got my outside sales job working for Rotanium products by the skin of my teeth.  Don Baggett was on the verge of hiring someone else when he got my name via referral.  He wasn't even willing to drive from Atlanta to Augusta to meet me.  We met somewhere in the middle in a hotel lobby for our interview.  It all was going really well until he asked me what my dream job was and without thinking I said wistfully, "I would love to be paid to write."  He gets this funny look on his face and says, "You do know this is a sales job," which snaps me back into reality and I nod and we move on.  The thing is I was really good at sales and I did really well with the rest of the interview and I suppose he saw my potential because he didn't hire that other person and it all worked out well, at least until it didn't.  But that had nothing to do with the job and everything to do with my personal choices.  Moving on....

Here we are in the present and I am still living in migraine hell and trying to figure out how in the world am I going to survive this????  A friend of mine reminded me of something that I already knew.  It's always funny when it works like that.  She says  figure out what you want and then use the law of attraction to make it work for you.  None of this is easy but all of it does work.  It took me a while to reconnect with the writing.  Sometimes you tamp a dream down so far it can be hard to find.  Once you find it, then you have to commit to it daily, which is where we are now.  I have to write something every day no matter what.  Short. Long.  Good.  Bad.  That explains the what I want part of the equation and the doing part.  I am still working on the how to get paid part.  (Hint: I believe I am falling down at step 3 ~ this will make sense soon.)

Some of you are going to get this right away.  Others of you won't.  Either way, it is okay.  All I ask is this:  I am sharing with you a personal belief system.  Personal belief systems are important because they have become a part of who we are.  When you take a hammer to someone's personal belief system, you become a bully.  So before you lift your hammer to mine, please think about that.  Even people with good intentions can do terrible damage.  Enough said.  The law of attraction says that you get what you think about ~ good or bad ~ so that means that whatever comes into your life, you brought.  Every thought is two thoughts, so be careful of how you think/pray.  When you ask, make sure you do it positively, because praying to not have something in your life is still focusing on what you don't want instead of what you do.  For instance, there is a big difference between praying for good health and praying to not be sick.  One focuses on good health and the other on sickness.  They are worlds apart from each other even though it seems like the prayers are the same. 

I feel like I have an impossible task.  I am trying to explain in a few paragraphs what took Esther and Jerry Hicks an entire book to map out.  The book, by the way, is called ASK AND IT IS GIVEN and I bought it on CD because I do better listening to this kind of thing repeatedly.  So, if we get what we think about and I understand that every thought has the potential to be two thoughts and I want to be paid to write, why isn't the money flowing in?  I am praying about this, aren't I?  Well, yes.  Is God listening?  Yes.  Where's the glitch?  Okay, here's the deal.  It's a three step process. 1) We ask. 2) God says yes. You heard me.  He says yes.  He always says yes.  I am getting to the why....3) We get when we are in vibrational alignment for that which we ask.  You are probably having trouble with vibrational alignment.  Let me try and put this another way.  Jesus asked people to have faith.  Let's use that word instead because you have a reference point for it and understand it.  You pray for something and have absolute faith it will come to you.  No doubts.  Seriously.  No doubts.  If you can do that, then it will come.  It has to come because you are in vibrational alignment to receive it.

You're probably wondering why I told you my fourth grade Valentines Day story.  I wanted to show you the law of attraction in action.  I had to have been really annoying to Mrs. Noone, but I saw myself as the mailman.  I had absolute faith that I would be the mailman.  I was the mailman.   You can buy ASK AND IT IS GIVEN by Esther and Jerry Hicks on CD or in book form at Amazon.com.  If you get the CD make sure to get Parts 1 and 2.  It will change your life.