This is so junior high school

People keep taking me by surprise.  And I really don't know why that is.  I sort of feel like Julia Roberts' character in Pretty Woman minus all the hooker stuff and Richard Gere.  Well, and the money.  Okay, it's pretty much the fact that she was living a rough life and no one and nothing should have surprised her but she was actually really naive.  Richard Gere's character says something like, "It's just that people rarely surprise me," when he finds her in the bathroom flossing.  He thinks she is doing drugs and is all set to throw her out.  And she says, "They constantly surprise the crap out of me."  And you scratch your head, silently thinking, "What????"  And then you realize that it is true.  She really is that hopeful about people... still.  Frankly, I don't know how she managed.  She was dealing with people who were paying for sex for three years up close and personal. 

I have been on facebook for two years and I have about hit my limit.  No one has paid me for anything, but I have seen more than I care to, and I find it more than a little disturbing.  I watched one friend live in fear of posting anything political on her page for the duration of this election, because she didn't want to be attacked by her "friends."  She watched one friend after another post anything remotely conservative on their pages, and one of her high school friends tore into them like a rabid dog.  She said it was terrifying to watch.  I said that it was okay not to post.  Just don't do it.  However, by election day she had enough, found her voice, and posted a few things she saw going on.  She didn't go crazy with it.  Just voiced HER OPINION ON HER PAGE.  And it was a feeding frenzy.  Said "friend" cut loose on her.  Even after this person please asked for no negative comments aimed at her personally.  Anything said about the candidates was fair game.  That didn't stop this person.  She attacked my friend personally.  So she got unfriended.  And then that person called her out on her page and all of these people my friend thought were her friends started attacking her personally.  It was like junior high school on facebook.  Only so much meaner.  And then it got even worse.  I really can't even go on. 

Fast forward to yesterday.  One of my high school "friends" left this comment on my wall.  "Sorry Robin. The elections over and we have to live with the voter's votes. I have grown weary of your right wing posts. I like you and want to stay your friend.... I silently was polite for 8 years of a Bush presidency. We will get through the next 4 years too. - I am hiding most of your posts but I don't want to cut you off totally. We still have things in common. Struggling." 

Well, huh.  We went back and forth a couple of times.  I pretty much left it like this:  "If you need to click on my posts in the wall feed and hide them that is fine with me. If you need to unfriend me that is okay, too. I will respect you for your decision. Whatever you do."  The last comment I left was about having to leave because we are on vacation, and I would either see her later, or I wouldn't.  And then I left.  And I didn't really think about it again for several hours.  But when I did, I was not happy about it.  Why?  Because she posted it on my wall and we have  A LOT of mutual friends.  We went to high school together.  I would have felt very differently had she sent it in a private email.  The more I thought about it, the more it felt like posting it on the wall was an invite for everyone to get in the public smackdown.  It felt very much like being in junior high school again.  

The irony with this particular friend is that when she posted something about voting for Obama she put it up almost with an apology.   I commented on her post that Freedom of Speech is one of our most important rights.  It is a right given to us by the First Amendment.  Never be afraid to speak your mind or voice your opinion if you are speaking what is in your heart.  I knew that she knew my views.  I told her that I might not agree with what she has to say, but I would fight to the death for her RIGHT TO SAY IT.  And then she turns around and basically tells me that I better shut the f*ck up or we won't friends.  She said it nicer than that, but it essentially came down to that.  And she posted it on my wall hoping that some of our friends would hop on for a Hatefest, which I am happy to say hasn't happened yet.  Probably because she hasn't posted it in her status... yet.  She did do that to one of our former classmates.  So, there is still time.

Some of you who might read this blog are facebook friends who share differing opinions.  You know who you are.  And we have honored and respected one another simply by not responding to one another's posts about these issues.  I believe that to be the correct course.   That is how we continue to get along.  I think that our friendship is based on mutual respect.  

And I know that a true friend would never go to someone's page and say to someone, "I am really sick of hearing about your "fill in the blank," so if you don't knock it off, I am afraid I am going to have to unfriend you."  Let's try a few words for that "blank" just so that we get a clearer picture: family, God, religion, cancer, migraines, fibromyalgia, politics, music, money troubles, homeless people, dogs/cats who need adopting, dogs/cats who are about to be euthanized, your church, your relationship (be it good or bad), your job (be it good or bad), your lack of a job.  Man this list could go on forever.  Whatever.  

I used to think that social media was a wonderful thing.  Yay.  A way to connect with people.  Now, I am not so sure.  I have seen the harm of social bullying on Facebook.  But it has got nothing on Twitter.  Twitter rules as the Social Networking Bully.  As such, Twitter seems appropriately named.  It is people just vomiting up every thought they have....from a bunch of twits. 

The Good Stuff

Things went into overdrive insane around here prior to our trip to Ohio and I just couldn't write. I really hate when that happens because then all of the writing just piles up. Then I am totally overloaded with stuff to tell you. And then I feel like I am back to the bullet point post in order to get it all out. Good thing I know you just LOVE them.

• Okay, so a long time ago my parents came to the obvious conclusion that this house had to go up for sale because it was just too much house, too much mortgage, simply too much. The question was where to move? And when to put it on the market? All that stuff.
• The problems where many. But the biggest lie in that my mom really wants to move back to very south GA (bordering on N. FL), very close to where we used to live and my step-dad has decided he likes it right here. There really isn't a compromise there.
• I also want to move back to the FL area.
• Just before the vacation the whole thing came to a head. That would be a blow-out argument in the kitchen for the inquisitive minds. Step-dad yelled that he was staying here. Mom calmly said okay. And then it was over. She did add that we were going, though.
• And it has been very odd since then. I honestly have no idea what will happen.
• When we went to Ohio, we were strongly thinking about changing our plan and moving there instead. The reasons to go are many. All of the family is there. Mom is turning 70 this year. We have friends there, too. The reason against is that winters are brutal. Amazing that the con can have so much influence, but I really can't imagine doing that again.
  
• I hate winter. And mom isn't a fan, either.
• However, my old drama teacher from high school, who I loved loved loved, is back to selling real estate and she showed us some houses. We had lunch with her on Monday and looked at houses on Tuesday. It was so much fun.
  
• I think I am skipping ahead....
• Our first stop was actually Akron. We had a lovely memorial service for my aunt, who died earlier this year from cancer. It was nice for those who couldn't make it and those who could. It was at a private room in a restaurant. Lots of storytelling and laughter. Minus all the sadness and grief. It was good. Then we spread her ashes in a river that ran by a covered bridge that she loved.
  
• My mom and uncle stood up on the road. My mom said, "There she goes." My uncle said, "She always did like to swim." Yep. That was the kind of day it was. Full of awesome sauce.
• Not all of the ashes went in the river that day. A couple days later, my aunt, uncle, mom, and I trekked out to the cemetery where my grandparents are buried to put some in the flower holder of their grave. She decided she want to be buried next to them.
  
• That didn't really work out, so this seemed like a good alternative.
  
• That cemetery takes *forever* to get to, for the record, and I thought this day would never end.
  
• Also, it reinforced for me that your loved ones are not there. I felt absolutely no sense of my grandparents at that place. It was a lovely cemetery, but they were not there.
• While in Akron, mom and I stayed with her best friend from h.s. and her husband. That could be a blog all its own. My mom's friend has Parkinson's, and has had for years.
  
• Watching her ongoing struggle and determination not to give in to this disease is inspiring.
• Watching her husband be the support system that he is, despite the fact that they overdosed her with medication at the onset, and she no longer remembers him, is also inspiring. She remembers everyone else, but not him. The psychiatrists say that is not uncommon to lose the person you love the most in this sort of situation.
  
• Fortunately, since they got her meds back on track she is able to rebuild new memories. She thinks of him as a nice man and excellent caregiver, but not her husband. And he is okay with that.
• He also taught me how to juice with his amazing juicer. It was an item that he bought when his wife was dealing with liver cancer (yes, she appears to have beaten that without chemo or radiation). Anyway, we had great fun whipping up concoctions in the juicer every day.
  
• Now I really want one for my very own. His was about $300 back when. I don't have any idea what they are running for now. I am a bit scared to price them. The key is that it is a cold system. No heat involved. Or so he was telling me. Anyway, it made fantastic juice.
• Then I went to a Family Reunion where I didn't hardly know anyone. Those are always fun. But I did reconnect with one person that I did actually know, so that was good:-)
• Now, we are back to my hometown and looking at real estate, which I already covered. See how I skip around...
• And we stayed with my mom's friend. She is always so much fun. Last time I was there she had no internet. So, imagine my surprise when she had an IPAD and internet. She leaped right into the technological age with both feet and LOVES it. It was hard to pry that thing out of her hands!
• Plus, I had wireless for my laptop. Yay. But that meant I got nothing done on my WIP, which I dragged along.
• I also met up with a friend of mine from high school that I hadn't seen in 16 years. We were in drama together. You can only imagine what that was like. Well maybe not. But there was no silences. Let me tell you. Talk talk talk talk. And tons of laughter.
• Oh, and she took some seriously goofy pictures of us, which I have yet to see, but I expect to pop up on my facebook any day now.
• And, did I tell you that I cut my hair and donated it to Locks of Love? I have been meaning to write an entire post about it, but I have been a total slacker. My hair was all the way down to my derriere, so I pulled out the ruler and started measuring.
  
• It was the only thing I could think of to do to show support for my friend's little boy who has cancer. All of the family that I have who had cancer cannot benefit from the gift, but so many other people can. Not everyone can give the gift of 11" inches of hair, but I could, so I did. And I still have hair to spare.
  
• My DNA may suck and my blood would likely be sent back because of my negative antibodies, but I can donate hair. We do what we can DO.
• Lastly, this was a really good trip for reconnecting with my brother and sister-in-law. We are getting along so much better now. Since I last saw them, I have worked really hard to forge a good relationship with my SIL and it is paying off. I text her, call her, etc. and things were really good this trip. So, the whole trip felt like a raging success.
• The only negative thing I can possibly say is also a positive thing. There is a girl who treated me really badly in junior high school (but we were good friends, prior) and she really hurt my feelings. This deep hurt forced me to find other friends. Because of this "catastrophe" I found my best friend, who I will always treasure.
  
• That catastrophe was a blessing in disguise. Anyway, this old "friend" still lives in the area and we reconnected as adults and things seemed better. I constantly tell myself that people do grow up. So, I have made a point of seeing her when I visit. Anyway, I really thought things were different.
  
• Things got confusing on facebook (don't they always???) and I asked her about it. She responded. I misunderstood, responded, reread what she said, responded again indicating I misunderstood and apologized, and I never heard anything back from her.
  
• Her wedding happened while we were there.
  
• I never heard from her before I left for this trip, even though I sent her several emails. There were no emails back to get together to help her get ready for her wedding, definitely no wedding invite, nada.
  
• Ironically, in her initial message she called me one of her "oldest and dearest friends." I sure hate to think about how she treats her enemies.
• Anyway, it was NOT spending time with her that made it possible to reconnect with my drama friend. And I am so glad that happened.
  
• It also reminded me that our definitions of friendship are most likely not the same. These are always good things to know. Sometimes it has to look like pain in order to open your eyes to what actually is.
  

image found on facebook, of course