My Almost Relationship.... For Me, It's You

Me before the Train concert in 2012

This post is going to be two things that I think in a bizarre sort of way go together. 1) I'm going to tell you the story of my almost relationship (yeah, with a man) and 2) We're moving on to the next CD Train released: For Me, It's You.

Remember I told you that the writing on Train's CDs was often a bit like a mirror into Pat's soul? What do I know about his life at this time? Well, not a whole lot, but SOME. During the My Private Nation tour he met the lady who would become his wife. So, I think his personal life took an extremely positive turn while this album was written. Of course, he still had kids with his ex-wife and there was probably some lingering sadness over that mess. But, all in all, his life was pretty darn good. And this album didn't do well--at all--with the general public. No big hits (the only Train album to not garner at least one song that blasted the charts). So, even though the critics liked it, the public... not so much. As for me... this was 2005 when my migraines really took over my life. Even I didn't buy this one. Hard to do when you rarely leave the house, or your bedroom, or your bed for that matter. I dropped 20 pounds this year and looked very like death warmed over. (No, this isn't the story I promised above.)

So, let's listen to the track For Me, It's You (which was never even released as a single) because I think the title track generally reflects the MOOD of the album, as I stated last post. You can listen to this one while you read my story. Or watch the video/lyrics and then read my story, whichever you prefer.




If I ever find truth I'm gonna let you know
If I ever find faith I'm gonna sit in every bit of its afterglow
If I ever find a way to bring love here today
You better bet your life that this is what I'll say
Give it if you've got it
Get it if you don't
Take my hand in the meantime
And let's walk into the sunshine
Everybody got something that they want to sing about
Laugh about, cry about, it's true
For me, it's you

So, here's the story:

I've told you about my forays with mom at the biker bar singing karaoke. I think I've told you at least one story of a man taking interest that was very one-sided (his side, not mine). But those experiences had value as I learned the art (better, if not perfectly) of speaking my mind. Back in November (the last time we were there), I ran into this fella I kinda/sorta knew. He owns a tree service and took down a large tree in our yard (with his crew) shortly after we moved here. I was still suffering mightily with migraines at that time and my contact with him was extremely limited, as it was another day of living in bed for me.

But, I approached him at the bar and asked "Are you____________?" And he said he was. I told him that he'd taken down our tree. Turns out, he remembered our house (and me), indicating that he felt terrible about the noise given my migraine.

And we talked for quite a while.

Not sure what he was thinking, but I was thinking, "Holy cow. I think I have finally met someone at this place I'd be interested in dating." There is something STRONG to be said for a man with whom you can conversate. (Just kidding. You know that's not a word, right? If not, you can read all about it here.) The long and short of that evening: he joined us for a while. He stepped out to go to the restroom or take a phone call.... I really can't recall. Mom decided she was ready to leave RIGHT NOW, and we left.

I hoped he'd come back and we could see what happened. The problem: we didn't come back. And didn't come back. And still didn't come back. The list of reasons is long and varied, but it's January 10, and we still haven't been back.

About mid-December I began to feel some angst about the whole thing. That bar was NOT a regular place for him to go. What if he came back (repeatedly) only to find out we weren't there? As January pushed forward, with no sign in sight of us returning soon, I finally said to mom, "I think maybe I'll call him."

Oh my Lord. The nerves. I don't know how you fellas deal with this sort of thing. I had to think on it for several days. What do I say? Go out for coffee? Lunch? If so, where do I suggest? It was all extremely nerve-racking!

I made the call to his business phone. Only after I dialed did two things occur to me. 1) He might be married. 2) He might not remember me. So, after an extremely awkward introduction of who I was, since he asked if I wanted a tree removed and I told him no, and I'd called to invite him out for coffee. (Mind you, I felt very stupid as I said this since he didn't seem to even know who I was!) I wanted to just hang up. Then, he figured it out. He knew who I was. Whew!

And that brings us to the other Train song on the album For Me, It's You. It's called Cab. It was released to the radio stations, but didn't do well. As for me... I like it. And it fits the mood of my story.




He tells me that he did show up at the bar looking for me. He was divorced in 2011 and hadn't dated anyone since his divorce. I was the second person he was "interested" in. Don't know what happened to the first. Anyway, I wasn't there (yeah, I know). In the meantime, he met someone else at the bar while looking for me and they've been dating a short while. I have to admit that in that moment, I felt just a bit crushed. You know, like a semi truck unloaded it's entire haul right on my head. I mean, I'd only been psyching myself up about this for a couple months... and then a few days for the actual phone call.

Back to the dating. He said they'd been going out two weeks, but I suspect it's more like a month. According to him, she's a "real nice lady" but he "doesn't know where it's going" and "he's not looking for something serious." Which I doubt. I think that when we meet the right person, we're interested in something serious. When we're with the wrong one, that's what we tell ourselves. Besides, he was married 20+ years and hasn't dated anyone since. That doesn't scream player to me. Or maybe I'm reading something into this that isn't there and he thinks she's wonderful.

He then asks if he can call me if it doesn't work out with her. (Yeah, this is why I think that relationship may not be all that.) I tell him that would be great. And it would. He's only been dating her a short time. It may work out. It may not. Although, I think if he was really into her he would've told me that. I know if I met someone and really thought he was The One, I wouldn't be asking for another guy's number.

So, I say something about it all being bad timing, which it was. He then proceeds to ask me questions and we talk for something like 20-30 minutes on the phone. As I said, I really enjoy talking to him, and I think the feeling is mutual. He told me I could call him anytime just to talk, because he enjoys talking to me. I said I didn't feel comfortable with that AND that I figured he'd know inside a month whether or not he and she will continue. He can call me if they don't. And we hung up.

Will this work out? No idea. For a couple days, I kicked myself over the way it all went down. And then I realized it's okay no matter how it turns out. We tend to allow our self image to be caught up in what someone else thinks/does. In this case, I'm not more appealing if he calls or less appealing if he doesn't. I'm just me, either way. (But you can be sure that if he DOES call, I will tell you about it!!!)

I'm still looking for a fare

No one said that it was fair
To be alone

The days are better, the nights are still so lonely
Sometimes I think I'm the only cab on the road

The days are better, the nights are still so lonely
Sometimes I think I'm the only cab on the road
Sometimes I think I'm the only cab on the road

IT'S SURELY A SIGN OF SOMETHING...

I never was a numbers person. I always was more of a words person. I did well in Math in high school. I did not do well in Statistics in college. I do not know what I was thinking when I took that course. There was an offering of algebra-type math that was intended for English majors. It was the Math for Dummies. Why didn't I take that? So many questions. So few answers.




My ex-husband was a numbers person. He was one of those people who remembered the dates of every significant event in his life. If any other significant event happened to fall on that date... well, it was fate. Or destiny. The universe was sending him a sign. It turns out that our first date was also the date his divorce came through from his first wife. I didn't know that when I said, "Yes," to that date. Do you know how many times I have relived in my head him asking me out? You can't possibly know this. They all end with me saying "NO," in a variety of ways. Some of them are fairly harsh and hit below the belt. In other words, I am a badass bitch. Better yet, I walk away, get in my car, and feel very proud of myself as I peel out of the parking lot. I look in my rearview mirror and he is still standing there wearing a dumb look. It is very gratifying.

If you are actually keeping up with this blog, you know that I am having to pull paperwork together for lawyers (bankruptcy and SSD) and I discovered something that I didn't know. I should have known it. However, when I got divorced, my migraines were so horrible that I just pulled the divorce decree out of its envelope and stuck it in the legal folder. It was done. Finally.

I got married on July 27, 2002. My divorce became final on July 27, 2005. That was the day it came across the desk and it got tagged by the rubber stamp. July 27. Exactly three years later. I didn't know that until about ten days ago. I don't know if my ex knows it at all. Probably not. I don't feel obligated to enlighten him.

I told you yesterday about some cool book giveaways going on over on Simon's page at Constant Revision. I laughed when I saw the last day you could turn in your submission form. Any guesses? July 27. These are the two books up for grabs if you hustle it up and get your form filled out posthaste.




I started following another writer, Alexandra Shostak at The Publication Follies of Alexandra Shostak. She writes YA and Adult fantasy. She is also doing some book giveaways (these are only two of several ~ I have forgotten how many). Obviously, the books are in her genre. Guess what day her deadline for submission entries ends? This is too easy. July 27.




Before I remembered Alexandra's book giveaways, I was going to call this a trifecta. Now, it has to be considered the perfect storm. The thing is that I know there are other things out there that I am forgetting.... things that I have read or seen about July 27 and it just bounced off. Numbers don't matter a whole lot to me. It's words. It's actions. Anyway...

I follow an agent, Janet Reid, who posted yesterday about another agent taking a break from query letters in July. She had a link to this other agent's site, BookEnds, LLC. I was afraid to look. Could it be? If she chose July 27, of all days, to stop accepting query letters, I thought I might just hurl. It turns out that her magic date was July 19.

I leave you with these thoughts:

1) If you are interested in winning some free books, enter the contests. You can't win, if you don't enter.

2) If you are a writer looking to read the blogs of other writers, then it is worth your time to check all of these links out. I have handed you two writers and two agents. Don't kick a gift horse in the mouth. (Even if you don't give a rat's ass about the contests...)

3) Even if you are not a writer, but enjoy reading the blogs of people who write well, it is worth taking a peek. Tell them I sent you. That won't get you very far because they have NO IDEA who I am. I am this little cricket in a huge forest. I chirp occasionally in their comments, but my voice is high pitched and very annoying. I am really not making a sound argument for recommending me as the person who sent you, am I? *sigh* Okay, leave a kickass comment and then tell them I sent you. Whew. Problem solved.