I have gone round and round, much like the proverbial hamster on a wheel, on how to make things "Right" here. And, folks, let me tell you that it ain't easy.
In order to box a liar into a lie, you have to do some lying and manipulating of your own. In other words, you have to fall on your own sword. I have thought my way around this from every angle I can think, and that is the long and short of it.
Nietzsche was correct when he said, "When you look long into the abyss, the abyss looks into you." The longer I look into the darkness, the more consumed I become. Each time I think of a way that I can prove I am right about this whole thing I realize that I have crossed over onto The Dark Side to get there.
I am fairly certain that a person doesn't lose his honor, his integrity, his moral code in one fell swoop. A person gives it away in tiny, bite-size pieces. I am sure now that a person says to himself, "I can do just this one thing and it will be okay. Even though it is wrong, I am doing it for the right reason." But the next time, that same person has a choice to make about right and wrong, that wrong choice became a lot easier. And maybe it didn't even need justifying. Or it did. But by the fifth time it rolled around, it happened without a thought. The choices don't even have to be BIG. Just small things. And in those things you can lose yourself completely.
I can't make this right for my mom by falling on my sword. As much as I would love to hack his computer and print out everything that ever came through his hard drive (if I had the capability), I am not going to do that. Even though my gut says that we still have trouble in River City I am also not going to transfer my stress to my mom. I am afraid I might push her straight into cardiac arrest. All that is left to me is sitting back and waiting. I did learn one thing from liars and cheaters. They remain liars and cheaters. I don't have to DO anything. Time will take care of this for me. Liars and cheaters always fall on their own sword.
From what I gather - your mom's significant other has been cheating on her. And you told your mom, and your mom isn't doing anything about it.
ReplyDeleteThen stop stressing over it. You can't change things, and it's really upsetting you. Maybe they've come up with some type of agreement that might seem wrong to you, but works for them. There might be more to the story than they're telling you.
But again, if your mom knows, and isn't doing anything about it, Let It Go. For your own sanity. And to save your relationship with your mom.
xoxo
Boy are you so right about giving yourself away piece by piece. That is such a scary truth it deserves its' own zip code!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that it seems your Mom is still willing to deal with this, at least to some extent. The damn manipulators in this world didn't get to be so good by accident.
I hate to admit this, but I totally love it when a liar that I know is lying gets caught- especially by the people who I love and care about enough to warn about the lying. Yes, I do come from a long line of bitches. What can I say?!
You really have done all you can do. And I totally get how much this sucks. Truly. Please take care of yourself and do what you need to do for YOU.
Robin: First, off topic, I have been unable to access your site for over a week. I am not sure why, but I think it was on my end. I apologize, but I have now read all your posts since January. Also, I thank you for the animal link you placed on my site. It is fantastic and people are still watching and enjoying it daily.
ReplyDeleteAs for your recent posts, knock it off. We are all blindsided victims from time to time, but I never allow predators repeat their pleasure. Don't do it to yourself. You know better than that. Nietzsche was wrong. God isn't dead. She must be female.
Lira, you are right. I am Letting This Go. For me. It is amazing how healthy that choice has been. As soon as I wrote this blog I started the process of getting better. The unrelenting migraine that I have had slowly started easing up. Today, I woke up with something bearable for the first time in nearly two weeks. I even got a an idea for a novel as I was lying in bed last night. It is amazing what is in our heads when we STOP thinking about other things. My mom and I have talked about this and I am going to trust that she has a handle on it. Monitoring this situation is not my work, not my job, and only hurts my health. In other words, I am done.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate everything you are saying Jasmine:-)
ReplyDeleteJJ. glad you are enjoying the video. And I appreciate your vehemence on this point. It is where I lived for two weeks. I was blindsided. Won't be again. However, this isn't my situation to fix and that is kinda the point. If it were, this would be a totally different blog. I can't make someone else's decisions for them. I can only make HEALTHY decisions for me. I just had to figure out what that was. In this case, it is letting go. I have given my input and now it is time to back off. However, my mom knows where I am.
Do you believe once a cheater always a cheater? I've often asked myself that question. My answer is that yes, they'll always be a cheater. Liars are the same. I think that we ourselves are our biggest liars -to ourselves. I hope your mom sees the light one day.
ReplyDeleteGood for you, Robin. SO glad you're already feeling better. <3
ReplyDeleteExcellent! We got our old Robin back!
ReplyDeleteShhit, Rob... I can't say a whole lot more than what others have already said, but I'm really happy that you've made the decision to let it go. Hard as that might be to do cold turkey, I can attest to the fact that it's the best thing you can do. For you AND for your relationship with your mom. I've always had a propencity toward over-involvement when it came to the people I love, but I got shot so many freakin times that I had no choice but to become a recovering messenger.
ReplyDeleteJust keep on loving your mom and hopefully, she'll realize that 1) she has a right to be truly happy and 2) it's OK, no... make that necessary, to love herself. Hang in there kiddo. I'm so glad the migraine has settled down a bit and I'll be praying that it only gets better from here on out. XOXO M.
I'm so glad to see the progress you're making on this. The first step to forgiveness is not making policing the offender our job. Because that just stirs resentment. And obsession. And it's the opposite of letting it go and moving on with our lives.
ReplyDeleteWhen we are happy with ourselves and our own choices, it's much easier to let other people be. So work on you, keep working on the awesome idea that it's just not your job to do and it's NOT your burden to carry, and it'll take up a lot less space in your head.
Remember: Despair says "I cannot lift that weight." Happiness says, "I do not have to."