Sunday, May 22, 2011

A Time For Dying.

Hello friends. My dad passed away Friday morning at 6:20am. My mom and I got into town Thursday evening about 9:30, but we decided to wait until the next day to see him because he was having a pretty good day on Thursday. At first, I was just wrecked that I missed my chance to see him one last time. And then I reminded myself that I deliberately had made a decision not to see him like this... that I wanted my memories of him alive to be of him in March. He knew we were coming and I think he chose to go. He took that choice out of my hands. Dad always knew my heart.

We did go see him shortly after he passed and he died so peacefully. His hands were crossed over his stomach and he was clearly asleep. His soul leaving his body wiped every single line from his face; it became as smooth as a newborn baby (albeit a bit rough). I made note to self: make sure someone continues to moisturize my face when I am old and dying so that my skin is soft when I go.

We talked about dad's favorite things, and one of those was casinos. He moved out to Vegas for a while he liked them so much. So, we woke up very early this morning and drove for a couple of hours to go to Cincinnati and the casino Hollywood. We had a great time and I felt my dad's energy every time I hit it. I had a really good day. I think he was pulling some strings for me from high places:-) Normally, I would call him after some of those wins. In this case, I just talked to him right there at the machine. It is nice to know you can do that.

Tomorrow we meet with the funeral director to discuss the details. The funeral will be Wednesday. Because he is a veteran, he will get a military funeral with the 21 gun salute and the flag, etc. I know that I will cry through the whole thing. I cry through those when I don't even know the person, so this will be a gusher.

Thank you all for the support. I don't have easy access to internet here, so I apologize if your comment doesn't show up right away. I will get it and I do appreciate it. I love all of your feedback. Especially now. Thank you for continuing to show up.

21 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry for your loss Robyn. This will sound cliche and I apologize in advance, but at least he is not suffering and he is in a better place. I think the fact that he "made the decision" for you, speaks volumes of his love and wish for you not to see him in pain. I wish you healing, love and light, during this time. xoxo

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  2. God Bless... I don't have the words for you, dear... but Ecclesiastes (and the Byrds) tells us...

    To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

    A time to be born, and a time to die;
    a time to plant, a time to reap that which is planted;
    A time to kill, and a time to heal;
    a time to break down, and a time to build up;
    A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
    a time to mourn, and a time to dance...

    You will know the time frame in which you need to feel these...

    Know that you are in my thoughts over the next days...

    I am so sorry for your loss...

    ~jim~

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  3. Oh honey, I'm soooo sorry! You sound like you have such a healthy view and that makes me feel better for you! I bet he chose to go as well. I'm so sure that is exactly what my grandma did. Isn't it kinda cool to know when we are are the end, we can decide to let go ourselves? Man, he is awesome for helping you score big in the casinos! Lots of love and you have an extra set of eyes on you looking down so you better watch yourself! ;)

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  4. This sounds almost movie or dreamlike in how this all ended for your Dad on this earth. I kept praying for peace for you and it seems that in some really important moments you have had just that.
    I thank your father for his service and I thank you for sharing him with all of us.
    I wish more peace and wonder for you in all of this...

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  5. I am so glad you could feel him near you. I hope you always feel him smiling proudly at you until you're reunited again. My love and hugs to you.

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  6. Robin, I'm so sorry. I agree with you completely about that your dad is with you, completely available for you to talk to, no phone needed. When my dad died very suddenly when I was almost 15, that was exactly when I stopped believing in death in the traditional sense. I've very much felt the presence of my father all the subsequent days of my life. It may be in a different form, but there's been a father here, I'm sure of it. Much love.

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  7. Robyn I am so very sorry. My Dad passed in 07' and life has never been the same since but I, like you, talk to my Dad all the time and interestingly enough, every time I set foot into a casino. :) May you find peace and comfort in your memories. My best to you and your family.

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  8. Dear Robin, I am wishing you strong days and peace in your soul. You now have another angel looking over you. I hope the next few days go as well as possible.

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  9. Oh, Robin, I am so, so sorry! Terrible news, and yet at least your father passed somewhat quickly and -- from the sound of it -- very peacefully. He deserves his rest after his illness. And you know he was watching over you, your very own guardian angel, as you shared one of his favorite pasttimes! May you find peace, as well ....

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  10. What a wonderful tribute to your father's memory to go enjoy what he loved. I'm sure he was there with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. It is so very difficult to lose a parent, no matter the ages or circumstances. My heart is with you

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  11. Oh Robyn, I am so sorry. I am certain that others on here will express themselves much better than I will, but I want you to know that I'm sending you my love, and yourself and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. xxx

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  12. Robin: My condolences, my friend. I lost my father in 1997, and I still find myself speaking as though he were at home. I forget because he remains with me and in me always.

    May dad rest in peace.

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  13. Hey robin, I am glad you can feel your father's presence. I hope the funeral will be everything it should be. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I am thinking of you.

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  14. Hi hon,

    The last line of the book "The Bridge of San Luis Rey" says,

    "There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning."

    It's tempting to think that there isn't a lot of meaning in death, or sometimes that there isn't even much meaning in life. But love - your love, your strength, your kindness, your courage - love builds bridges over even the biggest gaps, and it crosses space and time and casinos and your father will always be near, whenever you need him.

    My thoughts are with you, and I am sending the biggest love and hugs I can your way right now. I hope you feel them, just a little little bit.

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  15. I am so sorry for your loss. Wishing you and your family peace.

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  16. I'm so sorry darlin'. No matter how prepared we think we are, it's never quite prepared enough. I learned a lot of things when my Dad passed, but the most important thing for me was that endings are never really the end because our memories won't allow it.

    I'm so glad you celebrated his life doing something that he loved. I'm sure that he was pulling those strings just like you thought he was. In any case, I know he was, is and will be there with you.

    You and your family are in my prayers and my heart. Take care of yourself sweetie and do whatever you are feeling the need to do. That's what is most important right now. Sending you lots of gentle hugs,

    M

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  17. Robin - I have found it so hard to comment recently. Every time I read your posts I was reminded of my own father's passing. Selfishly I haven't offered you any words of support as each time I write I find the words inadequate but you have been in my thoughts.
    I can only send you my sincerest wishes.
    Red Shoes has written an appropriate comment above. I wish I too could find the right thing to say.
    Cyber hugs to you my dear. Stay strong. XOXO

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  18. God bless your heart. I don't even know what to say, other than hold onto those memories for they will carry you.

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  19. I just wanted to pop by, send you my love and tell you that I'm still thinking about you. xx

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  20. My condolensces to you, Robin! I do not know what it is like to lose a father. But reading this post I see he is still very much with you. My kisses to you. May you be well and always remember him with love!

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