tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post7816977217306473291..comments2024-01-01T10:05:13.685-05:00Comments on YOUR DAILY DOSE: The Soundtrack of My Life, This Is What Marriage Looks Like (and BoTB results)Robinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-37590934613513832562015-06-10T14:47:36.972-04:002015-06-10T14:47:36.972-04:00I do believe I am "over" a lot of this n...I do believe I am "over" a lot of this now. The tapping therapy I've done since moving back here has really helped me to let so much go. Writing it down like this let's me know if it's still an issue or if I'm over it. Fortunately, it turns out that I'm over most of it. Every now and then I discover a "trouble spot." <br /><br />I do believe the people who let go sooner are better off. The more you hold on to stuff, the worse it is for you. Now, that's an opinion based solely on my own experience.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-40339215925929187882015-06-10T14:44:32.695-04:002015-06-10T14:44:32.695-04:00I'm sorry that the relationship with your fath...I'm sorry that the relationship with your father has deteriorated to this point. However, since you and your son are close, it sounds like you decided to use what he did as your guidebook on what not to do. Sometimes, that works out pretty well!Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-91988819191903458262015-06-10T14:43:11.951-04:002015-06-10T14:43:11.951-04:00Yeah, well, I think we all discover in the end tha...Yeah, well, I think we all discover in the end that we didn't have everything absolutely right. Sometimes we're closer than others. <br /><br />Overall, it sounds like your parents did the best they could with their kids and it turned out a-okay.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-20785686770788437802015-06-10T14:41:47.122-04:002015-06-10T14:41:47.122-04:00At the time, I didn't think my parent's di...At the time, I didn't think my parent's divorce would affect my life in a tangible way. It's only now that I realize how faulty that thinking was. It's the ideas we get about marriage and divorce that are so wrong, and we just don't know it. However, I believe the person that wants to can overcome anything.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-32930862894564482682015-06-10T14:40:17.517-04:002015-06-10T14:40:17.517-04:00Yes, this is all part of my plan to let it go!Yes, this is all part of my plan to let it go!Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-41352988225217954662015-06-09T22:31:13.898-04:002015-06-09T22:31:13.898-04:00It's good that you're writing about your e...It's good that you're writing about your experiences to help in your healing process. I had a discussion with my brother about how long it takes to get over things, and I told him that everyone heals in their own way. There is no right or wrong amount of time, and no one else can ever measure another person's pain. I know this process will make you stronger, Robin.<br /><br />JulieEmpty Nest Insiderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10074223969046687064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-76167420688229773352015-06-09T13:28:32.147-04:002015-06-09T13:28:32.147-04:00Hi Robin,
I've read and reread your post, Rob...Hi Robin,<br /><br />I've read and reread your post, Robin. It takes my head a lot to try an absorb what I'm reading as of late. I apologise for my brevity in reply.<br /><br />What I do realise is that what we observe from our family, all the good and the bad, does impact on how we are. It's how we relate and define the lessons in our own lives.<br /><br />All I know is that I have a father who may or may not be alive. The sad part is I really don't care if he is alive or dead. My life is pretty screwed up. So, we both know that what transpires during our childhood and the traumatic bits does not mean we should feel guilt over situations that we did not create. <br /><br />My friend, you do well. Sorry about my disjointed comment.<br /><br />Gary klahaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08613505424843475639noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-28981805689891747892015-06-09T04:05:58.875-04:002015-06-09T04:05:58.875-04:00>>... Were you lucky enough to have good rol...<i>>>... Were you lucky enough to have good role models or have you, too, been trying to overcome faulty belief systems?</i><br /><br />Well, BOTH, really. My parents were GR-RR-REAT! Couldn't ask for better parents! They had problems with each other (as mentioned previously) but they stayed together for the sake of us kids and things were pretty good in the later years.<br /><br />As far as "faulty belief systems" go... my Ma was raised Catholic and my Pa was raised "New Age". It took me many, many years of countless books read and serious, objective study before I was able to recognize that BOTH of them had been wrong in some very important religious/spiritual matters.<br /><br />Tonight (technically "last night", now), I posted my third installment of 'The Soundtrack Of Your Life'.<br /><br />~ D-FensDogG<br />'Loyal American Underground'Stephen T. McCarthyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00249125637725791567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-18207794294930658902015-06-09T00:36:47.199-04:002015-06-09T00:36:47.199-04:00I've heard that divorce kind of gets passed do...I've heard that divorce kind of gets passed down the line I guess because it's the role modeling thing. I thought I'd have a good marriage. I hope my divorces don't influence my daughters in any marital way. Actually I only have one who is married and they seem to have a solid marriage.<br /><br />Arlee Bird<br />A to Z Challenge Co-host<br />Road trippin' with A to Z<br /><a href="http://tossingitout.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">Tossing It Out</a><br />Arlee Birdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11663942782929929334noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-8280465156615865362015-06-09T00:32:38.284-04:002015-06-09T00:32:38.284-04:00Oh darn; my Michael didn't win! Oh well, maybe...Oh darn; my Michael didn't win! Oh well, maybe next time.<br />I like this "soundtrack of your life" idea and am inspired to start something similar. Thanks for the inspiration.<br />I grew up with an alcoholic father and my my mother was dysfunctional in other ways, so I can relate to your story. Writing is cathartic and I hope it helps in letting the past go.Debbie D. https://www.blogger.com/profile/13153118405565035071noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-42084799740507010952015-06-08T19:49:08.389-04:002015-06-08T19:49:08.389-04:00Well, I tried ignoring a good bit of it and I got ...Well, I tried ignoring a good bit of it and I got migraines. That hasn't worked out so great. So, now I'm using this blogging medium to see what triggers migraines and what doesn't. It helps me to know what junk I need to release so that I can have a healthier future.<br /><br />I can't imagine you wanting to hash this garbage out on the phone. Heck, I don't even want to do that. <br /><br />Sometimes just accepting the things that happened and deciding you're okay with them is enough to move forward and past it. Other times, it's not and that's the stuff I bring to my therapist so that we can really figure out how to abolish that crap once and for all!<br /><br />Of course, not every post in this soundtrack series is going to be Terrible. But I'm not leaving the tough stuff out either.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-69594375591991016622015-06-08T19:46:18.311-04:002015-06-08T19:46:18.311-04:00Low self image and seeing nothing else. My great g...Low self image and seeing nothing else. My great grandfather was abusive in his own way. At one time, he was a drinker. Even after he quit he was always a tough cookie. I just don't think my grandma ever saw a whole lot of love, so she didn't know how to create it (or walk away from someone who wasn't capable of giving it). But, yes.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-89835340408987737442015-06-08T19:44:34.318-04:002015-06-08T19:44:34.318-04:00Paula, If you decide you want to participate, let ...Paula, If you decide you want to participate, let me know and I'll add your name to the link list. There aren't any rules to this thing. I'm moving chronologically, but you can do yours however you like!<br /><br />When you begin to look you can see the patterns, as well as how those relationships caused you to view relationships in general. When you can do that, it allows you to toss out ideas that you know aren't healthy or true. And that's how you can begin to build something that will actually work. Sounds like maybe you've worked some of that stuff out already!Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-33740766048071584502015-06-08T19:42:18.866-04:002015-06-08T19:42:18.866-04:00True enough about patterns.
People who can commun...True enough about patterns.<br /><br />People who can communicate have a much healthier marriage than those who don't (and divorce or stay together). I'm glad that you feel like you've got someone with whom you can create a healthy life. Sooooo important.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-59794799780578551672015-06-08T19:09:58.504-04:002015-06-08T19:09:58.504-04:00Robin: We all handle pain in different ways. I ign...Robin: We all handle pain in different ways. I ignore it, but if re-living it helps you, I'd be happy to oblige. Just call or e-mail me. I am a better friend than I am a blogger. You know how to reach me. Anytime.JJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14692103477055483000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-67195296220669727302015-06-08T19:09:45.081-04:002015-06-08T19:09:45.081-04:00That's a lot of pain in one family. Thinking a...That's a lot of pain in one family. Thinking abuse is the norm is not only conditioned, it comes from low self image. I've been there, although not with a divorce, just a couple bad relationships.L. Diane Wolfehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06425864276166334896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-54387782717641704172015-06-08T15:05:09.032-04:002015-06-08T15:05:09.032-04:00I found your blog by reading comments on Holli'...I found your blog by reading comments on Holli's Hoots and Hollers. I love the idea of soundtracks of my life. There are so many songs that have been my soundtracks. I came from parents who were children of parents with intact marriages. My dad's parents died early in his life but were always together. My moms parents were together but one would wonder why. My mom was married 3 times and 2 of those times were to alcoholics. Interesting way to think of marriage. I just lost my second husband. He was a treasure. The first one was NOT! Paulahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17406717262345866373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-34491383484847666422015-06-08T14:58:36.857-04:002015-06-08T14:58:36.857-04:00I was a good girl and read the last post which i m...I was a good girl and read the last post which i meant to on the weekend and lost time. I have had clients where the woman was/is married to an abusive alcoholic and when talking with my client, find out her mom suffered the same thing and so on. I find it intriguing how the person went for the same type of man and not the exact opposite. As I mentioned before, my parents were vocal but they loved each other deeply. They would fight about the business and me when i was a teenager. My dad was 66 when I was just 15 and an old timer (born in 1913) so he had a hard time with me becoming a teenager. I was actually a good girl but he wanted me to stay 5. Anyhoo, my former in-laws never argued according to the kids which i think they did but they would never do this in front of the kids. They also had a wonderful marriage. It worked for them. Now would I have wanted to be married to my mom-in-law-no way!! She was a sweet lady but she could talk and talk. She would also be "princess" like but she good for my dad in law. My parents were good for each other. I noticed that despite arguing or not arguing and all the differences, they communicated with one another. They enjoyed discussions and they thought the same way about life. They may have liked different things but their philosophy gelled. Now my ex and I are still great friends. He is not with anyone as far as I know and I have been with my current "hubby" for 9 years and we argue but it feels true blue. I learned what I don't want and I became healthier in mind and spirit as a resultBirgithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09439720285857050428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-22514151945949348222015-06-08T14:46:02.054-04:002015-06-08T14:46:02.054-04:00Certainly seeing things from another person's ...Certainly seeing things from another person's perspective makes navigating a relationship easier. Once again, I think people who watched their parents do that have an easier time accepting that's how it should be done. If your parents were never able to see it from the viewpoint of the other person... well, that's the lesson, unfortunately.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-36954122080628347662015-06-08T14:33:26.220-04:002015-06-08T14:33:26.220-04:00I try to learn from the good and bad parts of rela...I try to learn from the good and bad parts of relationships I've seen from others. Particularly my parents. I think I had to figure out what I wanted on my own. It's not an easy thing for guys to see things from another's point of view, which is where I think the breakdown really starts.Jay Noelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04757777693161610861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-86288692950929928082015-06-08T14:26:51.759-04:002015-06-08T14:26:51.759-04:00In reading these responses I've noticed that p...In reading these responses I've noticed that people whose parents stayed together tended to choose as boyfriends/girlfriends, and ultimately spouses, someone whose parents also stayed together. And then they stayed together. Whereas, people of divorce (or severe dysfunction) tend to choose other children of divorce to date (and divorce). Patterns tend to continue, be they good or bad, unless someone deliberately sets out to break them.<br /><br />I'd say you did a good job if you and the hubs are still "celebrating" versus cooking up ideas to torture one another:)Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-89158815692342817432015-06-08T14:24:07.500-04:002015-06-08T14:24:07.500-04:00Sounds like you had your fair share of negative ro...Sounds like you had your fair share of negative role models in the family, but your parents were a (good) exception.<br /><br />Maybe the lesson for you was that you didn't want those girls who wanted those bad boys. And in becoming a bad boy, you probably got all the wrong girls. It's funny how when we get what we think we want, we no longer want it. And, worse, when we try to live as someone we aren't it's a painful soul experience. To continue the charade required alcohol and drugs. That's no way to live.<br /><br />I'm hoping that you figured all that out and in doing so began living your Real Life.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-6520597882260017332015-06-08T14:21:38.784-04:002015-06-08T14:21:38.784-04:00Yeah, I think I'm traveling a similar path. I&...Yeah, I think I'm traveling a similar path. I'm in my 40s now and really hope that I can get myself well enough to attract the sort of person I want AND appreciate them. Not sure either of those things was even possible before.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-37637931367843944702015-06-08T14:20:42.471-04:002015-06-08T14:20:42.471-04:00I suspect that overcoming this junk was a big part...I suspect that overcoming this junk was a big part of the reason I'm here. It's all about learning your lessons!Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-50795066331595698052015-06-08T14:20:08.617-04:002015-06-08T14:20:08.617-04:00I modified the link above to show you're parti...I modified the link above to show you're participating.<br /><br />Yeah, the song is great!!!<br /><br />I think our lives looked very much alike! I can't say that I was a runaway bride twice, though I was engaged in my 20s and broke it off. In hindsight, as messed up as that relationship was, it was still better than the one I married into. Yikes. I'm hoping that I'll get it right still... someday.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.com