tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post6968402601205178694..comments2024-01-01T10:05:13.685-05:00Comments on YOUR DAILY DOSE: W IS FOR WRONG SONGRobinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-50875164195503690122013-04-30T00:11:09.877-04:002013-04-30T00:11:09.877-04:00I remember that conversation, too. I don't th...I remember that conversation, too. I don't think I understood at that time precisely how much my family dynamic had messed up my head and decisions. I knew that I had made terrible choices in terms of boyfriends/husband, but I couldn't see The Big Picture completely. I knew that my Grandpa was playing a major role in it all. I didn't see how the dysfunction on my dad's side was contributing... In other words, I wasn't getting a "healthy picture" anywhere. I also didn't see that I was trying to "fix" these broken relationships by trying to recreate them. It's funny how you can be so smart about other people's dysfunction and not see your own at all.<br /><br />In seeing MY pattern, tapping out my issues, finally having a therapist that is really getting to the root of all MY junk, I feel like I am making progress. <br /><br />All that said, I understand why you have this desire to hold back. Relationships are scary. However, you are so awesome that if you meet anyone who is worth knowing, you should treat them to the you "full-bodied" because you are full of flavor and a treat to know!!! I certainly wish you lived closer!!!!Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-66870681101483143662013-04-29T23:38:21.784-04:002013-04-29T23:38:21.784-04:00Robin, you know how much I get you on this one! Y...Robin, you know how much I get you on this one! You and I had a wonderfully meaningful conversation touching on this subject when we met irl. That is still a moment that I treasure and use to 'check' myself in certain situations. It's nice to have a moment of reality to relate to when it comes to these nasty patterns!<br />For those of us who were 'born into it', the abuse is no natural and anything else just feels weird... you know? <br />But then there is that moment when we realize we have been seeing it all so backwards and everything we ever thought we knew when it comes to relationships is oh so wrong!<br />These days I struggle more with being a bit aloof. I think I am somewhat gun shy. My husband gets the best of me and everyone else is kind of treated to the me 'lite'. I'll get there to a place of trust and enjoyment. For now, I'm dipping my toe in and once in while I let myself take a dip!'Yellow Rose' Jasminehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12496382898548158316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-50103359438129430712013-04-27T11:45:31.159-04:002013-04-27T11:45:31.159-04:00LD ~ You were blessed to have such wonderful role ...LD ~ You were blessed to have such wonderful role models. Unfortunately, the world is becoming more and more dysfunctional. So, keep up the good work. In other words, keep being you for as many people as possible to see.<br /><br />JJ ~ I don't really understand your comment. I think you mean that you don't tolerate abuse, but this post is about understanding the pattern and getting better. So, one could interpret that you have zero tolerance for THAT. Brevity=confusing.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-72076176695785694572013-04-27T11:40:02.101-04:002013-04-27T11:40:02.101-04:00So long as YOU are happy with your life, that is a...So long as YOU are happy with your life, that is all that matters.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-30197312937479488872013-04-27T03:24:33.669-04:002013-04-27T03:24:33.669-04:00Well at this point I believe I have figured out th...Well at this point I believe I have figured out the why, but I've also reached the age of "what's the point?"<br /><br />The last time I chose to pursue a relationship past a second or third date, there still hadn't been an African American in the White House who wasn't in a Secret Service blazer. <br /><br />I think everyone has some dysfunction they need to work through, and the lucky ones figure it out earlier in life.<br /><br />It took me into my fifth decade, but by that point I was also pretty accustomed to living alone.<br /><br />But I am well....and life is good!<br /><br /><i>failure isn't about falling down,<br />failure is staying down</i><br />-Marillion<br /><br />DiscConnectedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07013919800637508392noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-26274849585807276042013-04-26T18:01:23.761-04:002013-04-26T18:01:23.761-04:00My tolerance level: My tolerance level: JJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14692103477055483000noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-72758285441690511732013-04-26T17:17:36.945-04:002013-04-26T17:17:36.945-04:00I've never been in an abuse relationship but I...I've never been in an abuse relationship but I credit my role models. My parents were devoted to each other, together for 65 years before my mom died. They showed me how it's supposed to work so I knew what to look for. Hopefully you'll know it this time when you find it. God bless.LD Mastersonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01202135756299574972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-61239613166704654262013-04-26T17:16:25.141-04:002013-04-26T17:16:25.141-04:00All I know to say to you is this: what about that ...All I know to say to you is this: what about that person is attractive to you? I know that you are thinking "nothing in the end." But there is something, because you are drawn consistently to that type of person. It is a PATTERN. Until you figure out the Why of it, it isn't going to change. You will not be drawn to someone who isn't a taker, while you give. There is likely some family dynamic of taking and giving (or some family dysfunction) that you are trying to heal that is Unfixable. When you sort that one out, you are on the Right Road. It is a long one, but it is the right one. Be well, my friend.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-90340035248190370432013-04-26T16:41:32.394-04:002013-04-26T16:41:32.394-04:00Robin-
I hear you about being drawnto the wrong t...Robin-<br /><br />I hear you about being drawnto the wrong type....story of my life. Every relationship was with someone who was happy to let me give (I am way too giving and way too trusting) as long as I did not require much in return.<br /><br />Fortunately, I never made the mistake of marrying one of them. <br /><br />After fifty-one years on the planet, I have learned that there is no fixing or changing people. <br /><br />The behavior at the start of a relationship is the BEST IT IS EVER GOING TO BE. It is all downhill from there.<br /><br />The slope of the decline may vary, but that is absolutely a fact*.<br /><br />So when you are just starting to date someone, make sure the pedestal they put you on is high enough to weather future storms.<br /><br />And make sure you remember you deserve to be on a pedestal.<br /><br />Larry<br /><br />*To any readers in good relationships-I am not saying love does not deepen and grow over time. But even in a fairy tale marriage there is behavior that is happened after several years that did not happen in the first few months. If you choose wisely, those behaviors are not a big deal. Choose poorly, and you find out that the "loan" that depleted your savings account was a charitable contribution.DiscConnectedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07013919800637508392noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-38266775987307989302013-04-26T16:39:00.764-04:002013-04-26T16:39:00.764-04:00Carol ~ People who come from abusive places need a...Carol ~ People who come from abusive places need all of the cheerleading they can get. It takes a strong will to break those old patterns. It also takes a good friend to call them out when they are falling back into an old pattern or Stinkin' Thinkin' as I have been known to call it.<br /><br />Manzanita ~ You are right in that all abusers are essentially the same. And all people who have been abused will keep choosing them. They might be slightly different in their form and function, but they are at the foundation the same animal. You will not change the abuser (aka narcissist). However, you can always change YOU. And, yes, my mom and I are close. Funny that you would pick up on that from this post....Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-48720567370959552092013-04-26T14:58:46.972-04:002013-04-26T14:58:46.972-04:00You are one smart cookie. You may have had some he...You are one smart cookie. You may have had some help but you recognize the patterns of abusers and they all think they are sooooo unique but they're like peas in a pod. I've read, probably, all the books on narcissism and they are easy to spot because of their patterns. My friend, Marilyn, (the friend of 50 plus years that I often write about) and I were running into so many narcissists that we decided to study them in the "real." We called them, "our lab rats" and then compared notes with one another. We had enough material for a book but after a couple years, we got tired of "wackos" and went on something else.<br /><br />But you, my dear, coming from dysfunction, thought it was the norm and I fully understand that. But I'm really proud of you for breaking the chains to that pattern and coming out the winner. It sounds like you and your Mom are close like best friends. Manzanitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06467261212623663365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-80347261199213336622013-04-26T13:19:29.004-04:002013-04-26T13:19:29.004-04:00I'm extremely thankful that I have never been ...I'm extremely thankful that I have never been in an abusive relationship. However, I do know more than a few people who are. At present, a couple of these are trying to get themselves right. And I'm very much their cheerleader. Two separate people, not a couple. When the will is there, it's possible. I'm happy to be your cheerleader, too.Carol Kilgorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03745686632918324803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-41208726294898776752013-04-26T12:33:06.394-04:002013-04-26T12:33:06.394-04:00Mark ~ It does all start with me. There will alwa...Mark ~ It does all start with me. There will always be abusive people out there. Taking a pass on them shows that I have grown.<br /><br />Jay ~ I am very familiar with the Law of Attraction. We get we think about. We get what is familiar. We get what we understand. If something is beyond our scope, we can't possibly accept it into our experience. When we say it is "all about me," that really is true. We allow everything in. For the good or the ill.Robinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14932408372240147454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-17438397600748806682013-04-26T09:33:12.633-04:002013-04-26T09:33:12.633-04:00Never been in an abusive relationship. But I do un...Never been in an abusive relationship. But I do understand the Law of Attraction. Many people attract the wrong people because they don't feel worthy (deep down).Jay Noelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04757777693161610861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8318801159753696568.post-78709385977065022002013-04-26T03:11:42.689-04:002013-04-26T03:11:42.689-04:00I've never been in an abusive relationship, th...I've never been in an abusive relationship, thank God, but I feel for you and what you had to go through. <br /><br />I think you hit the nail on the head when you said you've taken the time to fix you.<br /><br />That's where it all starts and, without starting there, you'll never be able to move on.<br /><br />Best wishes as you go down this path...Mark Meanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08029920604932980141noreply@blogger.com